Before I begin this blog I will first start off my saying I am in no form or shape a relationship expert or authority. At the behest of a friend of mine I decided to do this post to shed some light into somewhat the male perspective is. This post doesn’t speak for all men and is just surface at best. I am just a guy who has made observations and has infused my personal opinions with them…..
In an earlier post ” Player for Life?…Naw” I talked about men wanting to settle down marry and/or be monogamous(To peep it click here). But what type of women is wifey? Every man has a hierarchy when it comes to the women they date. Men can be vain as shit and it can even reflect in the women a man chooses to be with on certain levels. The more powerful a man becomes the more vain he can become in his search for the one. A man may have sex with you and/or spend time with you but he may not wife you. It could be for various reasons that are personal to him. But, every man categorizes women(just as women do)
The types of women men categorize fall into four categories and they are like a totem pole. I will start from the bottom:
After 12 Before 6
This is the woman who can only come through during those hours and it is strictly a sexual situation. And even within that sexual situation it’s not even consistent. This man may 9 times out of 10 not even be attracted to this woman much and we never be seen out in public with her. His boys rarely know he is even messing with the woman and he may even lie to his friends for sometime that he has even had relations with said female. Men will find out months maybe even years later like…”Dawg remember Precious. Well on a weak drunken night back in 89 I hit….” If put in court on a witness stand the man will more than likely lie and commit perjury that he has had relations with the women.
Cut Buddy
This type of woman is a woman who he may have a strictly sexual encounters with but the woman maybe attractive and he may even hang out with her from time to time. A woman he categorizes like this he may think is generally attractive. This man is more sexually attracted to her and doesn’t want to take any further than keeping things playful and fun with her. He doesn’t want it to be more than light-hearted and fun for whatever reason he has. A man may even have a verbal agreement with a woman to keep their relationship a “friends with benefits” situation. A woman may get caught in this and not want to but a man doesn’t care.
Homie Lover Friend
This class of woman who a man is attracted to, likes to be around, diggin her the whole-nine but for some reason its something about her that keeps him from wanting to have a true monogamous relationship with her. This is probably the hardest situation for most women to be in because this woman will get all the perks of being what every woman wants to be….The Wifey! He will make you feel like you are a potential wifey with all the trimmings but he just doesn’t want to be with you for whatever reasons. A man maybe have looked at this wifey material at some point but decided against it. Most of the time women get caught in this kind of relationship purgatory with a man. He may even change his mnd after some time about a woman being a Homie Lover Friend and upgrade her to…
P.W.( Potential Wifey) or Wifey
This is the creme de la creme group, the HBIC(Head Bitch in Charge) spot, the Queen of the hive, etc. This one fits his ideals that he holds true for one to be the main chick. What is a potential wifey? It’s a woman whom you feel possesses certain qualities that qualifies her to be a model wife for you. Every man has different limits of what a wifey is. But she embodies whatever he wants to represent himself. There is no way totally know what a man truly wants unless you ask him. I am not saying tailor yourself to any man definitely be yourself . But, you also have to know his standards as well. For instance most of the brothas I know are real big on a chick being able to and wanting to cook for them. A woman who does that or is willing to do that will have a higher chance of getting said man.
Well there it goes…The four types of women that a man categorizes women in. The thing about this totem pole is that a woman can move up or down on this scale. But the tricky part is that is easier to fall down the totem pole than it is to rise. Now these particular types of women can change from man to man. The caliber of women who are put in each can even change depending on the status, money, and power the man has. But that is for another post to come….The Marcus Graham Condition.
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Dude!! You are droppin way too many gems on here for women!! They aint gonna be able to feel it!!….Chhhhhurrrch!!
WHOA! sad to say i have been a “VICTIM” to all these types MEN portray.. very well written in my opinion, and it’s the sad truth.. we want to believe we are the one and only true loves of their lives, but at the end of the day we know its far from the truth. I see it like this men put us into these catagories for their own selfish needs and to be greedy always thinking something else better is going to come along. but what men fail to realize is the fact that by the time you’ve ran thru this one and that one broke this ones heart and decided to let this one down. BONG! you met the women who you feel is “THE ONE”, but guess what she doesnt think your the one, b/c to her YOUR PLAYED and you are no longer the playa you thought you were.
In a future post, I would like to see you tackle how to move from “wifey” to wife. Because simply, I don’t want to be wifey, I want to be wife. As you and I know, the wifey label can runs the risk of being removed. Though it is a compliment to be considered as such, that is certainly not a final destination; only an indication of CURRENT stature. Therefore, I think for all those who have been bestowed (a term I use somewhat sarcastically) with the wifey title, how do those ladies get from there to the next step?
I loved it!
Keep up the good work sir.
I can’t wait for your post about the Marcus Graham Syndrome.
I do want to add that I agree with Ky in that the wifey label CAN be removed. However, I doubt one man can tell a woman how to move from wifey to wife, as that all depends on the man. Every man is different, and what takes one man from the isle to alter may not be the same for another.
How great it would be if there were just simple instructions! Lol
@Ky, i agree with you on how do we go about that transition, but i disagree w/ is as long as we as women keep allowing men to put a status on us, how are we ever supposed to be comfortable w/ ourselves? when all were conserned about is weather he’s calling us his wifey/his women. etc..etc..
My mom told me about these categories when I was 16 lol! The main point is know which one you are and which one you want to be. You cant make a man change you from a “after 12 before 6″ to a “wifey”. If your needs changes then get out of that situation and find someone who is willing to treat you like the “wifey” you want to be. Personally I could care less about the status or categories men come up with…but the reality of it is if there isn’t a name for your situation…you are still in one of them no matter what.
A woman shouldn’t look to a man to make her comfortable about herself…she should already feel comfortable…flaws and all…then seek a man…that’s personal issues!
Peace
@Candera High 5…..hot damn!
@JUJU
The Ladies have some great points to add to this piece. I think they main thing D was off conducting yourself in a way where you aren’t nothin but a PW.
“The main point is know which one you are and which one you want to be.” -Candera
I totally agree!!! If you aren’t in the situation you want to be remove yourself from it. And just be aware of what’s going on. Name or not, there will always be a “position” (whether you put yourself there or he does).
Usually if the people involved would listen to what is expressed vocally during a relationship instead of interpreting someone’s actions during the relationship it would cut down on the confusion. Most times when men say they dont want a serious relationship they mean they specifically for you. So regardless of how he is treating you more then likely he will return to his first frame of mind.
I love this comment!!
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Why do we have to label everything? What in human nature makes us label everything and everyone we do? The titles are cute, but they are whats wrong with the world! Relationships, sex, people, hearts, spirits, minds, are NOT A JOKE. They are not some cliche’ that can be categorized by these labels. We devalue our interactions with people for what? for sex? for what??? STOP THE NAME CALLING!!! We are adults now and each interaction should be legitimate and respected and valued. There is no point to it all if it isnt and we continue to create a vicious cycle where ‘hurt people hurt people’.
So I’ve read your blog from my facebook newsfeed. Its interesting to say the least but not quite enlightening. It’s nothing I haven’t heard before. None of the descriptions included “WHY” a woman would fall into either category. Even if it were from your own personal perspective I would have loved some introspection as to why you believe some women end up in said categories. This is more of rehashing the obvious and treading over what’s already been said and less giving women the oppurtunity to be proactive. Whats the point of stating a problem without offering possible solutions? Overall, I liked it and I respect it. Love blogging. Keep up the good work
Great point!
I will say this. There is nothing a woman can do in this situation really. The main thing is to recognize how you maybe being categorized and make your decision according.
Be yourself and if they don’t like ya! F***K em. F***em against the wall with handcuffs on- Shout out to Bernie Mack!!
I can’t speak for every category a man has, because they are somewhat different for each person, but one universal reason “why” a woman would fall into a certain category is her “hoe status.” If a man thinks of a woman as a hoe, he’ll fuck, but will likely never consider her to be wifey or wife material. Ijs
Wait! Where’s the category for WIFE????!
i like this
Ok…I went back and read this again… so “a chick being able to and wanting to cook for them” are the only prerequisites that would help transition a woman from wifey to wife?
There are many things that a man can qualify a woman for a wife. Its up to that man to make that decision and decide on his own at the end of the day. For instance cooking is one thing a man(like myself nd most men) do. Men have a very small list of requirments unlike women who have 55 and they change every year…lol
Enlightening or not, this is the pure truth.
I don’t seek enlightenment everytime I read something, though. Some things will just be reconfirmation of what I already know/have figured out. Not knocking anybody for their posts or feelings, but some things will be a rehash of what you already know or already done witness (choir preaching).
Keep putting out that truth.
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Reading this blog has really helped me to understand what type of women I am and has only giving me thoughts of ways i can change myself into a wife or atleast pontentail wife. but one thing i must say is it will be very hard for a women to move up to another position but easy to move down a postion. It would be great if you could make a blog like this about the fellas.
Can you expound more on what your question is?
THIS IS SO TRUE…I HAVE BEEN IN SIMILER SITUATIONS THAT INVOLVED ME TO BE CATERGORIZED OR THAT I HAD TO CATERGORIZE A MAN…WOMEN MAY BE UP-SET ABOUT IT BUT THEY HAVE TO REALIZE WE DO THE SAME THING BUT OUR FEELINGS MAYBE A LOT MORE DIFFERENT THEN THE MEN…WOMEN HAVE THIS IMA USE U MIND SET AND NOT CARE 2-F***’S ABOUT HOW THAT PERSON WILL FEEL IN THE END BUT THEN THEY MEET THE GUY THEY FEEL IS THE MAN OF THERE DREAMS AND HE DONT LOOK AT HER THAT WAY…I LIKE TO CALL THAT KARMA.