The Marcus Graham Condition

This post is my personal continuation of “I’ll Hit But I Won’t Make You Wifey”

Anyone that knows me pretty well knows that one of my favorite movies of all time is Boomerang staring Eddie Murphy. The movie is deep on so many levels(black professionalism, black social images, racism, career, etc.). The movie is misunderstood by many critics. This was because much of mainstream society at the time (1992) couldn’t conceive the dynamic of the black professional. But I digress. I was so addicted to the movie at one point that my whole crew in college had our own slang with terms from the movie.

The main plot of the film revolves around Eddie Murphy’s character Marcus Graham and his trials and tribulations has he searches to find “the one”.  The thing about Marcus Graham is that he isn’t just the normal guy searching for the one. He is looking for perfection.  Marcus is ultra picky when it comes to his women. He is a stickler with everything from intelligence to if she has “hammer time” in her shoe. Marcus excuses his womanly exploits on the women not being up to par but neglects to realize his quench for more “Nuncie”(yeah thats my word for pussy).  Not to spoil the movie for those who haven’t seen it but the crux of the movie is “For the dog that chases his tail will be dizzy.”

Now you are probably asking what does this have to do with this writer. Well….I suffer from the Marcus Graham Syndrome. Please don’t judge me and please studio audience don’t throw any tomatoes at me!!!

I will not say its to the extreme of Marcus Graham in Boomerang but I suffer from it nonetheless.Just like Marcus I have a low tolerance for ugly feet on women and found myself nitpicking at women. I would sometimes damn near even be real flighty in my likes of a woman. As my homegirl says “Nigga you aint picky you send bitches through a gauntlet.”

The Marcus Graham Condition is something a lot of professional black men such as Marcus Graham are afflicted with. Let’s keep it funky proportion wise there are more professional black women than men. So in many facets we can afford to be picky and thorough in our feminine choices.  Often times us professional black men take advantage of it consciously or unconsciously. Now I am not gonna excuse black women for making bad dating choices but I understand the problem nonetheless.

Through soul-searching and self-reflection I realized that my standards maybe too damn high. Maybe my future wifey isn’t going to love The Wire, Blue Moon and Bobby Brown as much as I do. You know what its cool that they maybe not have all the things on my checklist. Maybe their hair doesn’t have to flow a particular way or maybe she doesn’t have to be interested in certain books.  I understand that complementing someone is learning from the differences from your mate. I mean really would I want to date a woman who was just as much as an asshole as myself?

I look back on my long and I would have to say “illustrious” time in the dating game(they will retire my jersey when or if I get married) that I have dated many quality women but I can honestly say my longest consistent relationship was a year and a half.  If being in a relationship was like jail time I would be just a repeat offender of drunk driving other many others will have served time with a felony

I am going to take more self-evaluation into my dating choices and maybe not be so hard on women. I am going to work on this damn Marcus Graham Condition I tell ya. But, I know one thing I will never waver on a woman having “hammer time” in their shoe.

This is the first of many blogs where I will talk about my strives to reform my Marcus Grahamness…Check out more in the series “The Marcus Graham Chronicles”

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30 responses to “The Marcus Graham Condition

  1. Boy you are a mess for this post. But on the real it has to be one of the most honest posts from a man I have read in a long time. I’m gonna have to start reading more of your stuff!!

  2. You’re a very intriguing & talented writer. I always enjoy your posts and this was no exception…the first step is admitting you have a problem lol j/k…loved it!!

  3. Darryl,
    Please don’t restrict yourself or want to control the situation enough to where I turn on VH1 and see “What Darryl Wants.” Stay open and you never know who you’ll find! I’m still and will always be a fan of your writing. Keep doing your thing!

  4. I agree with you (this time, lol).

    Men have more options for successful women therefore it is easier for them to be pickier. However, as you said, that does NOT excuse stupid choices on behalf of women because they settled and were not patient. And just like men, some women suffer from The Marcus Graham Condition as well. I believe that one of the main differences is that women don’t get the free pass “She’s Just Trying to Find Herself/Perfect Mate” that men get and they rush to settle because of it.

    Men really do have the luxury of searching for perfection that women just simply don’t get. For example, I would even venture to say that based on something as superficial as looks, in 8/10 hetero couples, the woman is more attractive than the man.

    Rhetorically speaking, how can this be explained?

    P.S. In the end of that movie, the one he ended up with was just as beautiful as the one he wanted. I feel like some of The Marcus Graham Condition is related to the chase and not completely about the woman. …but I won’t spoil the movie for those who haven’t seen.

  5. Good post D!!
    I must say it must be nice to have the option of being picky and not get called stuck-up or too independent for it. These days a professional or just plain good black man is a commodity. I believe it flows back to the upbringing of black families. A lot of mothers had it hard and in order to make sure that their daughters could and would always be successful with or without a man lead them to raise their daughters and baby their sons. Ere go, now we got all these Ms. Independent songs lol. You would think most guys would want an independent woman that does not ask her man for anything but time and attention, love and respect, and of course some good bedroom action, but it does not seem to be enough these days. Take me for example, Im a single mother, working full time, my own house, own car, grad school with a 4.0 and was recently told that Im not ambitious enough?? Well damn what do I have to do? Jump out of a plane while cookiing a meal? I recently had a convo with this older black man who told me black women dont believe in marriage anymore and flat out dont want to be married. I responded by saying that is a pretty bold remark and that the truth of the matter is most black women would love to get married but the self-respecting ones that know their worth just dont want to settle for Rosco or Tyrone. The Marcus Graham Condition is quite funny as Boomerang is on my favs list too. Funny how he couldn’t see what was right in front of him b/c he didnt have to chase it, men need to stop expecting to chase a woman. If you are a good man and she is a good woman, what reason do either of you have to run.

    PS. Heres an idea… how bout you and Freetime host a professionals only speed dating night, make people submit a resume and a five year plan.

  6. Haha, you finally admitted it out loud “…who was just as much as an asshole as myself?”

    Great post D, you keep it honest, but you also keep me laughing. And your’re right don’t settle for the hammer time.

  7. Now you know I can appreciate this post hun! I will admit that I’m picky too (about certain things) and have gone through self-evaluations a time or two. It comes down to what’s the most important thing you can’t copmpromise (and I guess nice feet are important to you). Lol.

    You make a lot of sense, and I’m glad you pointed out that “…there are more professional black women than men. So in many facets we can afford to be picky and thorough in our feminine choices.” It’s TRUE. But I’m glad you’re TRYING to be fair.

    Great post! Can’t wait for the next one.

  8. LOL!! I love love this, and I wish more men would be this candid! Actually, women, especially the black professional woman possesses this same sort of syndrome. And this is what keeps her single…I know for me…I’m in the search of perfection…looks, bank acct, car…etc…lol…it’s kind of sad…just like you say no hammertime…I thinking no men under 5’10” or 5’11” I could be missing out on a great catch! But as we continue to go within, we realize that some things become less important…I really want someone who is truly into me for me…and they better find me before my stock starts going up; because I will resent someone esp from the past who will want me after my millions start rolling in! :-)

  9. Very transparent and honest. I can see your growth and it won’t be easy but it will be worth it. I find what helps me the most when I want to evaluate men using a 22-point checklist is pulling out my 22-point checklist on all the things that are wrong with ME! I realize that in some areas, I am deficient and because of that, I don’t have the right to search for perfection. In other words “everybodies shit stinks.” It’s all about finding someone who can deal with yours and you can deal with theirs. Looking forward to more post on your journey!

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