A few weeks ago Doug Stewart the host of my favorite sports talk radio show The Two Live Stews came up with idea that was hilariously funny. He came up with this concept for a company that would hire a guy to roll in a set celebrity or athlete’s entourage that would take the fall if they did something illegal or unethical. He named the company “Fall Guys” with the tagline “You Didn’t Do It…We Did.” He even made a funny fake commercial that he aired on the show. The concept was something I had thought about myself but couldn’t convey the idea as well as Doug did. The whole concept made me start to think about it…why are these athletes and celebrities always getting caught up especially in idiotic ways? Why aren’t they smart or aware enough not to do the dump shit or at least be smart enough to have a fall guy?
We are in the information age where things are found out, learned, and discovered at the speed of light. I could be all in a girl’s ear chopping it up and someone could be posting it on Facebook by the time I finish saying hello to the woman. Celebs and people have had their information and privacy more susceptible than ever. But, I have always thought why don’t these celebs use the technology and resources to counteract the information age climate that we are a part of?
Every time I turn around I see a celebrity taking the fall for something that they could have obviously paid a homeboy or friend to take the rap for it. I think it is stupid to entertain illegal activity especially when you have so much to lose like a celebrity or athlete but, I mean how do you get caught with weed on you when you have 15 dudes in your entourage that should be holding your cheeba anyway? That’s what James or Andre in the crew is supposed to be there for they surely aren’t your accountant, lawyer, or publicist. They should know their place and go ahead and take that charge.
I always look back to epic fail of one Michael Vick with disdain and disgust on many levels when it comes to the criminal side. First off why was he fighting dogs in the first place with all he had to lose? Second, it’s crazy how these dudes Vick was taking care of in his “camp” wouldn’t take the rap for him. He was the cash cow for all his “homies” from back home and they sold him up the river. Yes, Mike Vick was wrong for what he did but damn those dudes rolled over on him with little of a fight. Vick should have had a guy who was contractual suppose to take the fall for him if need be…
This is how my company would have had a guy handle the situation for Vick…
FBI: Mr. Vick are those your dogs that were found at your compound on June 6th.
(Fall Guy Runs In)
Fall Guy: No Mr. Federali those were all my dogs. Mr. Vick had no idea what I was doing and I shielded it from him.
(Feds turn to arrest Fall Guy)
Fall guy whispers to Vick: Make the check payable to my mama Flotidela Johnson and the other half to the agency.
I also don’t understand how many of these men with an abundance of paper get caught cheating. It’s not the fact they get caught cheating it’s the stupid circumstances that they do get caught cheating. I mean getting caught with the chick calling you. This is where the Fall Guy would come in again. They Fall Guy is supposed to have “The Chicken Head Line” with him where he can relay you the messages in person or over Morse code. This way your tracks are always covered. Matter a fact the Fall Guy should take the blame for the girl calling the bat phone (secret phone where dirty business is conducted, i.e. other women, drugs, and other things you don’t want a lot of people to know that you are involved in) even…
Elian Woods: Tiger…who is this cunt on the phone? (In her Swedish accent holding the cell phone)
Tiger: Golly Gee, Elian….
(Fall Guy Runs in and snatches the phone)
Fall Guy (yelling in phone): Bitch, I told you don’t be trying to call Tiger to get no money out of him. Just cause you fucking me don’t mean Tiger gonna give you money too. And you know that baby is mine!!(Click)
Elian: Get the fuck out our house and trying to ruin our happy home…Security!
Fall Guy whispers in Tigers ear: Make the check payable to Esther Woodson and the other half to the agency.
I don’t condone cheating by any means but if you gonna do it be a bit more slick in your endeavors remember you as an athlete or celeb is a business. I mean you have too much to lose to get caught cheating and lose half of the money (i.e. Tiger Woods). The only hitch in this idea is if your woman somehow outbids the amount you are paying the Fall Guy and gets him to work against you.
Regardless of the humor I have presented above is the idea that a lot of people have neglected to understand that the days of people letting you get away with something because you are so and so are long gone. I remember my professor telling me stories of athletes and celebs he knew in graduate school who would be wildin’ out! Cheating, Coking, Drinking Hard, Tearing the Club Up, etc. and no one ever found out and no criminal charges were ever charged. Today’s athlete or celeb needs to really need to understand that just because you are celebrity doesn’t mean you don’t need to have your head on a swivel for the laws. The way that society may pacify then and make them believe they are the best thing as sliced bread…the laws don’t feel the same way as your adorning fans do.
A lot of people want to use their name for some sort of stepping stone themselves regardless if it is in a correct capacity or not. Said person has way too much to lose to conducting themselves as if they are just Joe Blow. With that being said either this people need to get better Fall Guys, hirer an agency or just live a better life.