Uhh, yeah, love
You know we always, we always talkin ’bout love
We always thinkin ’bout it y’know
I’m in love, I want love, I need love, whatever
But like sometimes I wonder
With all the hurt and pain that people that supposedly love you put you through
Is that really love?- Phonte of Little Brother- “That Aint Love”
Have you ever been totally enthralled with someone and began to feel that you maybe in love with the person? The question is how do you know if you truly are in love with this person or it is just infatuation?
Most human beings have an inner desire to love and to be loved. Some people may hoot and holler that they don’t need love but we all want some kind of affection and feeling of self-worth. Many people find this love by giving and service to people. Others find this love by being there for family and friends. But, the way that most people search for this love connection is through romantic relationships (See “Soul Mate or Just Mate”)
We constantly search for that “one” person that we can love and truly love us. This search and journey for this love has many winding turns and bumpy words. We go through this journey being hurt and inflicting hurt. There are so many questions to be asked about why we do what we do when it comes to relationships. Many of the things we do within relationships are innately apart of us through. These experiences come from our parental involvement all the way to the way the pretty girl in high school may have dissed us in front of the school assembly.
What is Infatuation?
There are some feelings we have when infatuated that we don’t have when we’re feeling love. Some of the “symptoms” of infatuation are; feelings of panic, uncertainty, overpowering lust, feverish excitement, impatience, and/or jealously.
When infatuated, we are thrilled, but not happy, wanting to trust, yet suspicious. There are lingering, nagging doubts about our “partner in infatuation” and their love for us. We’re miserable when they’re away, almost like we’re not complete unless we’re with them. It’s a rush and it’s intense. It’s difficult to concentrate. And most infatuation relationships have a high degree of sexual charge around them. Somehow being with them is not complete unless in ends in some type of sexual encounter. (Source)
We as people many times flow from relationship to relationship constantly taking on more baggage or dirt on to or soul or spirit because the failures of past relationships. The true thing one has to think about in concerns of knowing if you are infatuated with someone or truly in love is self-consciousness. In one of my previous posts “The Relationship Credit Score” I talk about how we need to look internally to find out who we are just as much as we need to look at the person sitting across the table from us at dinner.
Think about it like this? Have you ever broken up with someone and instead of sitting back reflecting on who you are as a person…you jump right back into another relationship. Have you really thought about whom you are as a person and who you are after this relationship? Many of us don’t realize this and just feel if we find someone else to hold us at night that it will solve all our problems. Jumping directly into a relationship is not the way to escape oneself. It is the worst thing you can do. All relationships are a mirror and all the bad characteristics of yourself will be shown to you in a relationship. So, in essence if you are running away from yourself going into a relationship is the last thing you need to do.
Love itself is hard to definitively hold on too because everyone has different levels and ideals of love. Dr. Gary Chapman with his world renown books “The 5 Love Languages” writes that we all love in different ways and that the way to understand true love is to understand how we love and how others love. The five ways of loving are:
- Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
- Receiving Gifts
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.
- Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most wants to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
- Physical Touch
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.
As you can see the way we love can in some many ways with so many reactions. Learning more about oneself and the aspect of love will begin to help one differentiate between infatuation and real love. This infatuation can make us become as crazy as a patient in “One Who Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”. We have to be more in tune with who we are and be able to recognize truly what we need from love and not what we want from love. As soon as we find out about how we Love and want to be loved we can begin to find if we are in love are just “infatuated” with a person. With all the distractions and manipulator images in the world we need self-reflection more than ever because if we don’t we continuously get swallowed into the abyss called Infatuation instead of finding real love.
Speak on It….What is Your Experience With Love and Infatuation?
- I Need An Infatuation (thoughtcatalog.com)
- You Find Out He’s Perfect – So Why Are You Trying So Hard To Find Something Wrong? (thisisyourconscience.com)
- Guest Contributor: If You Love Them…Let Them Go [By: Darryl Frierson] (thisisyourconscience.com)
- Women Need To Write Their Own Love Standard (halloftheblackdragon.com)
- Is Being “Right” Worth Losing Your Relationship? (thisisyourconscience.com)