As we all sift through this potential cesspool called the relationship game their can be much heartbreak and pain. We all have our rules, standards, and regulations of what we will and what we won’t put up with. Everyone also has their “fool proof” rules or standards for relationships. One of those debates that many people have is if men and women can be close friends without any sexual interaction or want of physical interaction to happen.
Well the newly crowned “Black Relationship Expert” Mr. Steve Harvey feels that men can’t be friends with women especially if they are attractive (peep after the jump)…..
I will say this first before I go into the topic at hand and I don’t bring this as any disrespect or hate because he does have some truths in things he says but …LADIES, STEVE HARVEY DOES NOT SPEAK FOR ALL MEN…HE ONLY SPEAKS FOR SOME MEN.
To me it women and men not being able to be friends is the most asinine thing to me. So, I am only supposed to build and cultivate friendships only with men? I think that it is weak of an individual to say they cannot become friends with someone. It’s like someone saying they can’t become friends with someone because they are Black, White, Asian, etc. Just because men like Steve Harvey have to set conduct themselves around women like they are rehabbing off heroine doesn’t mean all men have that moniker or move in that fashion.
When I am talking about women and men being friends I am not just talking about woman you are casually cool with but women you have known for years and are just as much as your friends as your male counterparts. I hear people particularly in relationships say “Men Can’t Be Friends With Women” and “Don’t trust your man/woman around their so-called friend”. I understand from the male perspective when most women only say that they don’t like your friendship with a woman is when the woman is actually attractive. If the woman was a sea donkey and spit up water every 30 minutes they wouldn’t care what kind of friendship you had with them because they aren’t a threat to them.
Personally I have male and female friends all over the since I have lived and worked in a myriad of places. I have some very close female friends that I have known for years and have never done anything with them sexually. And these relationships aren’t the Chris Rock type female friends where I am trying to be the emergency dick in the glass (I can’t sit here and front like I don’t have any though…because I do…). These woman are really the homie and I wouldn’t want to over step that boundary just for a piece of ass. A man can be disciplined in his actions we aren’t just an uncaged beast that cannot make conscious decisions. For the most part they haved respected my relationships(except for the drunken night “I Got Called Nigger In A Cab”) and I have respect theirs.
I am not naive to believe that a couple or person should have their boundaries when it comes to their friends when having a relationship. I can understand this moniker a bit more when it comes to former lovers but when it comes to two people who are platonic friends is a different case. In general I feel we are too safe guarded and pinned up in our relationships. We have a tendency to blame any in discrepancy in ourselves or in our relationship on another thing than the thing that actually is affecting it. We love to not look inwardly at the problems the relationship maybe having.
I have heard woman say that they are safe-guarding their relationship by insisting their man doesn’t have any friends of the opposite sex (along with a myriad other “rules”). Men do the same thing in their jealousy or “regulation” of their mate’s friends. I will let all the ladies know this and I will keep this plain and simple….There is nothing you can do to keep your man from cheating if he wants to. It comes down to his own personal choice to make the right or wrong decision. This goes for men as well because if your wifey wants to creep on you there is nothing you can do to “prevent it”. The only way you can prevent it is to work on your relationship not get jealous or upset about your mate’s opposite sex friendship.
In a situation like this I think of a quote from Robert Anton Wilson “As the thinker thinks. The prover will prove.” This quote basically means if we believe something so much that our mind will figure out a way to prove it is true. We can conjure problems in our head that may not exist instead of finding the real problem within ourselves and our relationships. A jealous mate in general will do nothing over time but push the person away over time. And when it comes to the mate’s long-term female/male best friend you have to remember that they where there before you and 9 out of 10 times will be there if you leave so you might as well get in where you fit in at the end of the day.
Can Men Just Be Friends With Women? Can You Accept Your Mates Friend of the Opposite Sex? Speak Your Piece!
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- Steve Harvey plagued by scandal as ‘Think Like a Man’ is set to open (thegrio.com)
- Do Men Have Better Friendships Than Women? (nwso.net)
- 10 Reasons Why You’re In His Friend Zone (halloftheblackdragon.com)
- Believe It Or Not Ladies, Your Man WISHES You WERE His Best Friend (thisisyourconscience.com)
I think it’s possible for men and women to be friends…with a caveat: As long as you know that sooner or later someone is gonna develop some kind of feelings.
No one wants to admit it, but it’s the truth. Sooner or later someone is going to start to like, love, or lust after their opposite-sex friend. They might not say it, it might not ruin the friendship, but it WILL happen. People want to believe you can have long-lasting close and completely platonic friendships but it’s not true. Someone is gonna catch some kind of feeling. Bet on it.
I am with you most of the time but I have to disagree. I aint letting my lady be friendas with no dudes. They ALL(even someone like yourself) want to hit! Keep it real son!
I think steve harvey is right….to put it boldly men and women are put on this earth to fuck and procreate (in the most simplistic practical terms)…the only thing I disagree with steve harvey on is that he makes it seem that its only the man that wants to get in the womans pants…now, I use to think it was possible to be friends with women but I came to the realization that I’m either going to be attracted to her or she’s gonna end up attracted to me and I have yet to see that fail…..I envy the small amount of people who can but I do believe that in 90% of the time, the friendship will lead to some form of relationship sexually or more…
Great Topic!! I agree with you! Men and women can be friends and I think like you said it is a weak man or woman who wants to just jump someones bones. I think also that most men who say they cant be friends with women don’t really value the friendship with a woman and vice versa
so glad you brought this issue up. My girlfriend and i were just discussing this, as a good friend who happens to be a man was on his way to my house to join us for morning mimosas and the sunday paper. I personally have more male friends then i do women, have i made the mistake of sleeping w/ one yes, out of pure curiosity, was it a mistake yes, are we still the best of friends to this day yes… i honestly trust the opinion of my male friends than i would my women friends not that i dont trust my women friends but i dont trust them to give me the harsh reality of what i need to hear, ya feel me? my males friends are like my big brothers have been there since the day of kick ball in the play ground and remain as i’ve been to their weddings babyshowers through girlfriends wives and ex wives, and vise versa… my male friends are more than welcome in my home even if they have girlfriends or wives as they are welcomed to. Now as far as a women not wanted her man to be friends w/ another women, my ex husbands best friend is a women they did the movies dinner you name it, and she is also god mother to my children.. Ladies if your girlfriend sleeps w/ your man or your man sleeps w/ your girlfriend well they were neither your man nor ya girl………THAT’S JUST MY TWO
I agree I think men and women can be friends. I’m glad someone confronted this issue and I’m glad it was a male!!
Sunny Two Thumbs up to you for this.
I have a male best friend with whom I’
ve never had sex with and it was never my intention and same goes for him. His current gf doesn’t like our relationship so I respect her wishes although it sort of bugs me.
If I see him, he says hi and thats about it. I don’t get it.
Good topic! I’m a little torn. I think men and women can be “just friends” BUT on the flip side there’s truth to what Steve Harvey said…from my experience some dudes have played the “friend” role until the opportunity presents itself to be something more. Same goes for women. There’s also the case where you intend on being just friends and somehow you “fall” for your friend. Its a sticky situation. Professionally I’m also cautious about “networking” with men…sometimes they disguise the “professional” relationship as a way to get in…I dont mind my s.o having female friends…its normal and I’m not insecure
Good post!
I think men and women can be true friends….if one of them is gay. The whole basis of a relationship ship is caring for that person, enjoying their company, and loving them. While I believe it CAN happen, I think it is completely unrealistic to have those feelings for someone of the opposite gender (if you are straight) and not want to explore the options of a relationship a little further. It is true that no one involved will cross the line to respect their friendship, however, it does not mean those feelings do not exist. If you want or have considered sleeping with me, I can’t consider you a true friend because their might be other motives. My female friends do not want to sleep with me.
Even though I don’t think men and women can be friends, doesn’t mean we can’t have meaningful relationships. I just think “sex” complicates the matter.
Can a women and man be “just friends”…lol smh
To each his own, in life we all just need to try and make wise decisions….and perhaps learn from the repercussions.
A lot of people out here cannot think beyond the moment.
Good post D!
I’m breathing a sigh of relief reading this post
when I watched the clip earlier today, I felt like it was an insult to many of the men i know who have the ability to distinguish their penises from their brains and who don’t have the neanderthal view that a woman may simply exist as a sex object.
This is definitely not true. Most men that cheat say that it was not their intention to cross the line. By allowing your husband to have female friends you are basically setting your marriage up for failure. The key to this is if he has a female friend you “all” have to be friends.
In my case my I am my husband’s ONLY friend. I am a very secure and successful woman and I don’t have a jealous bone in my body. Get down bitches…get down.
I have been friends with my ex for the past two years and there is no type of sexual thing going on what so ever so the illusion that men and women can’t be friends is dead wrong. Good post.
You know, there’s actually been studies on this. Some doctors believe that a man can only be friends with a woman that he’s attracted to in some way or another and it’s not always physical. Actual studies of the male brain. Furthermore, some believe that males actually have to be willing to sleep with a woman in order to be friends with her. That’s what I call interesting. Men call us complicated, and sometimes you guys can be flat out too damn simple. Anyway, whatever you believe is your choice. I’m on the fence with this one. I can see both points of view, but one side definitely out ways the other. And scientific evidence is pretty hard to discredit. It’s hard when it’s not based on hearsay and just one’s opinion. I’ll try to find that study and send it to you. Hopefully, I can find it.