Drunk Conversations with a Homeless Man Part I

I am always told that wild things happen to me and that my stories are always one of a kind. There is always some underlying life lesson I learn from these crazy situations I find myself in. You can checkout other true story incidences here.

In previous editions I have talked about “The Night Bishop Don Juan Taught Me Some Things About Love”, “Getting Called Nigger in a Cab”, and “Yep, She Rode in the Trunk”. These true stories I even within their comedy have had some silver lining of truth or life lessons to be learned from them. In my life I have had the most random drunken conversations with homeless men. Check out the first part of Drunk Conversations with a Homeless Man…

A few years ago I was invited to go hang out with a girl I had dated on and off with for many years (I may talk about her in future posts…we’ll see. But, let’s call her LC for now) to come down to Phoenix to hang out and kick it for the weekend. I was all set to go when my ride said they couldn’t take me to the airport. I then decided I would take the train to the airport so I wouldn’t have to wait for a ride and can leave right from the airport. The problem was…I was running a little late for my flight.

I get to the Metro stop and as soon as I get to the stop I see the Metro speeding off. I cuss out loud and decide I am just going to have to park at the airport and worry about paying the overnight fees when I get back. I run back and jump in my car. I couldn’t miss this flight considering it was the last flight to Phoenix for the day. I get in my car and I start to ride off. I lean down to grab for my phone to make a call and as soon as I do I hear…”Brrrrump Bummmmp!” Guess what it was? Yep, that sound was my cell phone flying off the hood of my car on the highway! I had inadvertently set my phone on top of my car while I put my suitcase back in the car. My problems had now gotten 2X worse as I was late for my flight and destroyed my cell phone on the highway. I finally get to airport only to find that the flight had been delayed an hour. All that rushing and losing of my cell phone for nothing! FAIL!

So, I am now in….Phoenix…. and I don’t have a cell to get up with folks. I somehow get the car rental dude to convince me to rent a drop top convertible. You are probably like that’s dope…any other place in the summer that would be cool but this is Phoenix, Arizona where even at night it’s a lofty 100 degrees...Fail once again!

The one thing I never realized and bet most of you early 80′s babies probably haven’t either and that is pay phones hardly exist anywhere!! My ass is riding around Phoenix trying to find a payphone. The girl I was dating wasn’t from Phoenix so making this payphone call became even more interesting using it for long distance. I knew I had to get some change and figured I pick up a 12 pack of beer to help ease my mind and of course…get some change!

I am riding around and sipping on some brew looking for a payphones when I stop to use one I see on a corner. I find out the pay phone doesn’t work (like the earlier 3 payphones I had tried). A homeless man walks passed me and for some reason we strike up a conversation with each other. He was a small frail guy with a beard who kind of looked like a trailer park Santa Clause and this wasn’t a damn Christmas miracle since this was a hot ass day in Phoenix in June. We start talking about life and where we were from. In the middle of our conversation I say

“Hey Homeless guy, wanna finish this conversation and roll with me to find a payphone?”

He accepts and we continue to cruise the area looking for payphone. I threw him two beers as we move out to scour the area for the golden payphone. I find out his name is Gary and that he was from Northern California and he tells me about how he became homeless. Gary tells me how his wife had died of cancer five years ago and how he could never mentally recover from her death. He tells me he decided to move to Phoenix from Northern California to start over. He informs me that he was doing okay for a while but the guilt of him not cherishing his wife as much as he could have started to effect him mentally and physically to the point where he couldn’t hold a steady job. He goes on to tell me some other hardships he had gone through but the golden nugget he dropped on me was soon to come. Gary turns to me while we are at a stop light and says to me “You are young but always know that your time gets shorter as you get older and never stop showing love to those you love.” He then says “I am not going to be homeless forever I believe I will get my life back on track because if I don’t who will?”

HEAVY LIFE GAME!

We continue our trek for the illustrious payphone. The thing is payphones are wack because few of them let you dial long distance and when they do they only give you three minutes for a dollar! I finally find a payphone get in touch with LC to find out where the hell I am going. After 3 dollars in quarters I finally get down where the hell I am supposed to be going.  I drop the bum off at a corner he wanted to go to and thanked him for the conversation and helping me find a functional payphone. I also threw him 5 bucks for his trouble.

So, now I am about 6 beers in and sliding out to Chandler, AZ. I have the top down and I bumpin’ The Black Album like it had just come out!! Finally, I get to my destination around 1 in the morning and I can’t even front I am somewhat tipsy at this point. I walk up the steps of the condo and a lady pops out and goes” You don’t belong here.”

My drunken ass swears I am in the right place but maybe I am wrong. I mean I did have about 6-7 beers that this point. You know what this means right…I have to drive and find another payphone!! Luckily there was one close and come to find out that the place I was at was the right place!!! I drive my drunken ass back over to the spot and the same woman is sitting out there smoking and she yells at me again, “You don’t belong here.”

Now she is not security or anything close to it just a chick smoking a cigarette that sees a black man walking up to her complex.  After beer 8 I am getting pretty pissed and angry so I yell at the woman “Look her b**** I am supposed to be at 1035!” Just as I said it and LK was standing in the doorway shaking her head laughing. I’m glad she came to the door because I surely didn’t want another repeat of  “Getting Called Nigger In A Cab”