Men have always held on to the ideal of compartmentalizing women. Every man has their own idiosyncrasies and ways of doing it but the biggest grouping to a man is the HO category. This blog has been no stranger to the discussions of woman and the concept of being a ho (see “I’ll Hit But I Won’t Make You Wifey”, War and the Beauty Series, and The Marcus Graham Chronicles.) Most men have sometimes a misconstrued notion that the woman they settle down with has to be as virginal as possible. Right or wrong a man will want to “sow his wild oats” and when done settle down with a virginal woman. A man never wants to be the one who pimps say tries to turn a “Ho into a Housewife“. So, the question then begs to be asked…”Why Can’t You Turn a Ho into a Housewife?”
This week’s guest post is from Jamala Mete(@SimplyMilele) who has a blog “Who I am Effects Who You Are” expounds on the ideal of some men holding tight to the notion to a virginal woman. I guess she heard me say “Your girl/wife was somebody’s freak before you”…
Too many brothers have this “Love you in a box” mentality. After speaking with countless women and men I am frustrated at best and disgusted at worse with the view of “acceptable” roles and behaviors of women. Women are expected to be pure, docile, chaste AND complacent with mediocre efforts from their male counterparts. Whether it is occasional meeting in the streets or a lifelong commitment~ women often get the short end of the respect stick (No pun intended).
Many men talk shit about loving an independent, sexually free, spiritually astute, Strong, Black, Women… BUT (and this is a big BUT) only if his ego is not threatened or she still stays within certain guidelines. It is as if a woman’s value is only in her ability to advance within specific guidelines. I have heard of, and overheard statements that demean women for not conforming. “Can’t turn a hoe into a house wife”, “She’s someone I’d f*ck but I would not take her home” etc., etc., etc.
Even the most successful sister with all her stuff in order is not exempt from this. Don’t believe me? How many times has it been said “She can’t be all that because she can’t keep a man” or something to that effect. RIGHT soooo you see what I mean. Until a woman gets her papers (marriage license) she’s not even considered a whole person worthy of respect.
We sisters have to fight sexism from our oppressors and from our oppressed brothers. Brothers (I’m generalizing on purpose) call women bitches, hoes, dikes, sluts, ballbusters, etc. and treat women like trash because they choose to express themselves more openly sexually. But same men want to smash stereotypes like “Black men ain’t shit.” and “All men are dogs”
If a man a woman were on the dance floor “freaking” each other who would “look bad”? Nine times out of ten the woman would be looked at as being loose (yes I’m over 30) while the man would walk away getting cheers. And let’s not even get into the numbers game of how many people are acceptable for a woman to have fucked sucked or licked.
Really? Is that fair? Men make statements like “You LET your wife/girl…” “I’d never LET my girl, wife,…” *pause* LET? Really? Are we puppies now? Bad children? Property? Inferior to the strong black man who is suppose to “honor, protect and respect his queen, goddess, mother, sista? Is this you? Have you accepted constricting views of what are men vs. women sexual expression? What is good for the goose is good for the gander. My value is NOT determined by how threatened YOUR ego feels or how nicely I fit into a box. Please do better brothers. And if all you could think about while reading this was a rebuttal or justification for this behavior I am SPECIFICALLY talking to you.
If you are not The Creator of all things or aligned with the universal truths you cannot judge anyone.
In order to love something you must accept it fully first!!
You can check out more of Jamala Lott here
So what do you think? Why Can’t You Change a Ho Into a Housewife?
You can see my response to her post “You Can Change a Ho into a Housewife…In Theory” HERE
- The Marcus Graham Chronicles: Love Should Brought Your Ass Home (ashy2classy.net)
- It IS A Wife’s Place Is To Be In The Kitchen!! [By: Amanda Scott] (thisisyourconscience.com)
- Of Guys Who Date Their Best Friend’s Widow (halloftheblackdragon.com)
- Can You Turn A Brother Into A Househusband? (brotherswithnogame.com)
- Men and the Madonna “HO” Complex (ashy2classy.net)
- Madame Noire: Breaking Down The Jerks (blacksnob.com)
- The Romantic Fairytale Can Soon Turn Into Our Own Nightmare (ashy2classy.net)