Men have always held on to the ideal of compartmentalizing women. Every man has their own idiosyncrasies and ways of doing it but the biggest grouping to a man is the HO category. This blog has been no stranger to the discussions of woman and the concept of being a ho (see “I’ll Hit But I Won’t Make You Wifey”, War and the Beauty Series, and The Marcus Graham Chronicles.) Most men have sometimes a misconstrued notion that the woman they settle down with has to be as virginal as possible. Right or wrong a man will want to “sow his wild oats” and when done settle down with a virginal woman. A man never wants to be the one who pimps say tries to turn a “Ho into a Housewife“. So, the question then begs to be asked…”Why Can’t You Turn a Ho into a Housewife?”
This week’s guest post is from Jamala Mete(@SimplyMilele) who has a blog “Who I am Effects Who You Are” expounds on the ideal of some men holding tight to the notion to a virginal woman. I guess she heard me say “Your girl/wife was somebody’s freak before you”…
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Too many brothers have this “Love you in a box” mentality. After speaking with countless women and men I am frustrated at best and disgusted at worse with the view of “acceptable” roles and behaviors of women. Women are expected to be pure, docile, chaste AND complacent with mediocre efforts from their male counterparts. Whether it is occasional meeting in the streets or a lifelong commitment~ women often get the short end of the respect stick (No pun intended).
Many men talk shit about loving an independent, sexually free, spiritually astute, Strong, Black, Women… BUT (and this is a big BUT) only if his ego is not threatened or she still stays within certain guidelines. It is as if a woman’s value is only in her ability to advance within specific guidelines. I have heard of, and overheard statements that demean women for not conforming. “Can’t turn a hoe into a house wife”, “She’s someone I’d f*ck but I would not take her home” etc., etc., etc.
Even the most successful sister with all her stuff in order is not exempt from this. Don’t believe me? How many times has it been said “She can’t be all that because she can’t keep a man” or something to that effect. RIGHT soooo you see what I mean. Until a woman gets her papers (marriage license) she’s not even considered a whole person worthy of respect.
We sisters have to fig
ht sexism from our oppressors and from our oppressed brothers. Brothers (I’m generalizing on purpose) call women bitches, hoes, dikes, sluts, ballbusters, etc. and treat women like trash because they choose to express themselves more openly sexually. But same men want to smash stereotypes like “Black men ain’t shit.” and “All men are dogs”
If a man a woman were on the dance floor “freaking” each other who would “look bad”? Nine times out of ten the woman would be looked at as being loose (yes I’m over 30) while the man would walk away getting cheers. And let’s not even get into the numbers game of how many people are acceptable for a woman to have fucked sucked or licked.
Really? Is that fair? Men make statements like “You LET your wife/girl…” “I’d never LET my girl, wife,…” *pause* LET? Really? Are we puppies now? Bad children? Property? Inferior to the strong black man who is suppose to “honor, protect and respect his queen, goddess, mother, sista? Is this you? Have you accepted constricting views of what are men vs. women sexual expression? What is good for the goose is good for the gander. My value is NOT determined by how threatened YOUR ego feels or how nicely I fit into a box. Please do better brothers. And if all you could think about while reading this was a rebuttal or justification for this behavior I am SPECIFICALLY talking to you.
If you are not The Creator of all things or aligned with the universal truths you cannot judge anyone.
In order to love something you must accept it fully first!!
You can check out more of Jamala Lott here
So what do you think? Why Can’t You Change a Ho Into a Housewife?
You can see my response to her post “You Can Change a Ho into a Housewife…In Theory” HERE
Related articles
- The Marcus Graham Chronicles: Love Should Brought Your Ass Home (ashy2classy.net)
- It IS A Wife’s Place Is To Be In The Kitchen!! [By: Amanda Scott] (thisisyourconscience.com)
- Of Guys Who Date Their Best Friend’s Widow (halloftheblackdragon.com)
- Can You Turn A Brother Into A Househusband? (brotherswithnogame.com)
- Men and the Madonna “HO” Complex (ashy2classy.net)
- Madame Noire: Breaking Down The Jerks (blacksnob.com)
- The Romantic Fairytale Can Soon Turn Into Our Own Nightmare (ashy2classy.net)
I have one simple answer…cause no dude wants many playas sloppy seconds. What does that say about the man? There are just some double standards which hold true and being a ho and gettin wifed up will never be acceptable!
As for me I always like the women who had the freaky past I dont want a woman who is liberal and hasn’t lived. the last thing i need is my wife screwing the post man. I have a frat brother who wifed up a chick who really got ran in college she showed no shame about her actions and was in my opinion proud of her actions. Once they got together she turned her life in a whole new direction I was impressed. She a super good mother of 2, her and the homie broke up but she got married and had a new baby she doing her thing. I think anybody can change their ways, she may have been looking for her worth in her sexual acts and then met someone who was pleased by not just her sexual prowess but her internal spirit. Sometimes all it takes is someone believing you can change. Most women look to men to take the charge so when a man tells a woman you should be doing this most will do what ever to think hey I’m pleasing my man but immaturity will make a man have a woman do all the things he wanted then he will look at her and say she a ho! how is a woman a hoe when she just did what she was asked to do or what is expected of her to do….? Some brothers get it messed up she may have been a hoe for 9 cats and when you get to her she acts virginal! With a woman you never really know what she has done it’s all about how she carrys herself and how she views her place with the man.
Thats all good and easy to say bruh! But how you feel if your wife had a train ran on her by the half the Michigan starting 5?
the same way a woman feels when she finds out her man has already slept with half of her friends and a few coworkers
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As a Man, I I have struggled with the notion of being fair and my assessment of Women and Men. In my socialization, I have come to accept some unfair, paternalist views of Women as being beholding to Men, unchaste (if sexually active) and unequal in other areas. My wife has even accused me of operating from a double standard in gender issues. Development of myself into the more wholistic, more enlightened Me has helped me realize differently, though.
Misogyny is so endemic in western society and culture that it permeates almost every fiber of its structure. I don’t use this as an excuse; and as I’m sure that the blogger and the guest poster are very much aware of, be sure that many of us are not. The work is not only to uncover these ills within society and within the (though not fully consciously) powerful individuals that make up this society, or just live in it. Let us hold western society accountable for its projection of sexism and it’s maintenance of an atmosphere of Woman hating and subjugation AND let us hold individuals accountable for knowing better, but subscribing to that bullshit!
With modern access to media and information, and ultimately, and indwelling intelligence and understanding of what is REALLY right, there really isn’t an excuse for a grown ass man or woman to not know that the double standard ain’t right. But some people are ok with being mediocre or believing in bullshit! Pardon the convention, but place this kind of treatment on your Mother, Sister, Aunt, Niece, Friend or otherwise and THAT BULLSHIT WOULD NOT FLY!
I speak as someone who has known what it is to treat women badly, to think like the first commentor and ultimately be childish and immature about gender relations. And I continue to work at it, as I’m sure (I hope), the first commentor does. I speak as a Man who sees and knows the difference, can make the correct decisions and can act in the best interest of the whole. By Humans, acting humanely, and holding others (who consider themselves to be Humans) accountable, we all can grow.
With the correct collective perspective, we Humans, years from now, can look back on sexism as fargone step in our evolution, like we now look at “homo erectus!” Thank you for opening yourselves and sharing your thoughts to help us all grow!
Yeah, right, whatever. You sound like a college professor. We are talking about deep-rooted emotions here. If the first commentor needs to change his worldview, that needs to take place in therapy or some other venue, not a relationship. If that is how he feels about women with a wild place, “talking himself out of it” will not work. There is no reason to be cruel about it, but better to get out of that relationship pronto. Nothing but heartbreak for both parties will follow.
Wild past, I meant. Sorry for the typo.
I LOOOOOVE THIS!!! Kudos for this!! I am so sick and tired of this double standard when it comes to women and sex…
You cannot change a whore into a housewife if she does not want to change. If the whore wants to change on the inside first, then it becomes possible for the whore to become a housewife. The change from whore to housewife begins with the whore first.
Good ass point! How can you change someone if they truly don’t want to change…
I believe that is what the article is about. A once infamous wretch changes her ways and still can’t get a break to save her own life. As if to say, if she ever makes the mistake to be deemed a ho then she should spend the rest of her life embarking in activities such as stripping, prostituting, sleeping with the neighborhood men for a break from their wives, and to be satisfied with that. In all actuality, that never happens. Just like every dawg has his day, so does a bitch (no pun intended). Every woman who has led an unchaste life at one point decides to change that behavior for her own sake and the sake of her loved ones. So the question at hand is, Can a “ho” ever be forgiven for her past or is it right to treat her like the scum of the earth for the rest of her days no matter how she changes? Like the woman above said, men (in general) tend to point the finger, never realizing that the situation effects both genders in the same way. For example, I had a friend who slept with all my friends, and then attempted to be with me – OH -H- NAW! To him, that was perfectly fine, SHARP POINT. If I had done that, all of my friends would have the “one womans trash is another womans treasure” dispute. So just as hard as it is for a man to accept a “ho”, it is equally as hard for women to accept a “dawg”
First I want to thank everyone for your comments. A aprreciate the feedback.
But, Some of you are missing the point. It is the double standard, sexism and chauvanist attitude that need to change. So what is the exact penis to pussy calculation that takes a woman from being a divine creation to a “Ho”? So now we are God and can judge people?
It truly escapes me how any intelligent adult can say that ANY inequality is justifiable. That is the same mentality that allowed for slavery of “a sub human race” to exist and flourish.
It is not a matter of actually turning “a ho to housewife”… It is a matter of RECOGNIZING that men and women are EQUAL and deserve the same respect and rights.
Thanks so much for posting Jamala…but to answer your question about how many dicks? The answer is in a messed up male mind….MORE than ONE!! LOL!! But on the real I really don’t have a problem unless you have slept with multiple of my homeys, and as Tpounder said had a train ran on you by the Michigan starting 5! But other than that everything else is fair game and I can’t really judge you.
sidebar: I hate virginal chicks anyway…
Well, if women let go the notion of being classy and traditional, that means its more sex for men. Also, this means that women will be ok with a man who dosent want to settle down. Think about it, if all women let go the “stigma” of being held in a box, then it will be heaven for single men because its so many single women out there. Also, if women picked up this new found freedom, you would have a better chance of fucking those wifey’s youve always wanted to fuck, eventhough she was married. Lastly, if you stay single as a man, none of this would even apply to you because you arent trying to wife these women anyway. Basically, this means more sex and more women for men because its so many single women out there. Im all for this!!!!! Excellent article, and please let your inner freakdom go. This only means 10 times the sex for men!
A woman does not have to “let go the notion of being “classy” and tradional to choose to sleep with different men. That statement alone shows a limited view of the worth of women. And whose tradion are we speaking of? Sexist society’s where a woman is judged by her abliliy to “stay in her place”. Anyone can have their preference on the type of person they want to be with.
I agree that there should be equality across the board. BUT, I’m also aware that it has taken us QUITE a few generations to get where we are NOW. Change is definitely slow in coming, and all any of us can do is continue advocating a change in culture.
As Utukufu mentioned, it took development of himself (and I’d assume maturity and confidence) to help him realize how it was wrong. It won’t change overnight, but these discussions can definitely promote enlightenment for both men and women…
This brings to mind two things from the world of dating. 1. When you first meet a woman on a first date she’ll know in the first 5 minutes if she’s going to sleep with you, and 2. When first meeting a woman the first thing men are thinking is, how many men she has slept with. It seems like for a black woman to succeed she would have to join the witness hoetection program and move to the other side of the country just to get a fresh start in finding a man who knows nothing about her past. I think there will always be a huge double standard when it comes to what men want in a woman. Its kind of like italian men having a wife and a girlfriend, because the girlfriend does certain things the wife shouldn’t do, why? Because she kisses his kids whith the same mouth. Go figure!
That silly mantra “a woman knows within 5 minutes if she’s going to sleep with you” is total and utter BS. I am saying this as a woman and it is untrue. It is proven men can talk their way out of this, time and time again. What a man says can change that yay into a nay SO FAST your head will spin. It is also proven men can show they are worth considering.
But the point is as long as man doesn’t talk his way out the pussy than she still knows if she wants to bang him upon meeting him 80% of the time
women and men are not created equal and that needs to be accepted!! the best of women are leaps and bounds above the best men!! women are valued, cherished, protected and the vessels by which life continues!! Just think mothers day is sooooo much bigger than father’s day!! yo’ daddy jokes don’t start fights!! Is it wrong for a man to want the womb from which his children are born to be a bit more sacred, revered and virtuous than his penis?? i think not!! is it wrong for a man to want the nurturer of his children to be of decent moral character and not a runner up for the Dog/playa/hook-up/booty call champ of the year? i think not!!!
I disagree. All humans are created equal. None of us are better than anyone else. Life comes from men too. I woman can not just close her eyes and magically get pregnant. I value the mothers and fathers in my community the same. A womans womb is no more affected by the amount of men she’s than a man energy is affected by the amount of women he sleeps with. I just can’t get with the notion that sexuality and morallity are different for men a woman. If it is a moral issue than it is across the board. Right is right is right. To devalue a woman in this manner is to say that she is infact less than a man and only has worth if she conforms to sexist views. That does not make me feel vlaued, cherished or protected.
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I did a male response to Jamala post peep it out folks…
http://ashy2classy.net/2011/03/03/you-can-change-a-ho-into-a-housewife-in-theory/
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I keep reading over and over again, she changed her ways, she got what she was looking for, she found her self esteem, she stopped sleeping around and became a good person….WTF? I have been sexually free my whole adult life. I found a man who has the same views I do, and he loves me for what I can do in and out of the bedroom and has never asked me to change. We do not hold our relationship to the bounds set by society and we are more honest with each other than 99% of other couples I know. I have heard time and time again all the cliche’s written previously, and here’s my two cents……. you shouldn’t want to CHANGE a ho into a housewife, if you love her you should accept your ho as your housewife and enjoy the many postitive attributes she has. And vice versa for the ladies! And just for the record, my life inside the bedroom has absolutely no effect on my abilities as a mother. I am a good mother, a smart, beautiful woman, a good supportive wife, a not so wonderful cook, and a better than average housekeeper. And if you don’t like it, so what….we can agree to disagree.
I was doing a Google search on “What if my wife was a ho before we married?”; which brought me here. I’m in flux currently due to my wife and me sharing our sexual conquests while we were friends, yet I was attracted to her, we just didn’t know where it would go with the distance involved. Once we exchanged our love w/ one another, it seems that we were married instantly.
This woman is great to me, emotionally I feel complete in regard to her attention to my needs whether it’s making me lunch before I travel on a business trip, massaging my feet, allowing me to be the LEADER of the house, and sex on command. Yet now our marriage is being affected by my philosophy of women being skeezed, multiple lovers, and her being ok with sharing her body with various men whether it was for a term or a one time only.
One story in particular involved her meeting a guy on Blackplanet that just happened to be an actor that has acted in a few movies shortly after she ended a 4 year relationship because of her ex-boyfriends infidelity. She liked that that her newfound friend was funny, which invited them to engage in conversation and of course the classic, exchange penis shots to her boob shots. They spoke of sex, including her appreciation of giving fellatio. After a few months of flirting and talking, she eventually drove to visit her friend.
Now folks, this is where it gets freaky, creepy, and crazy. She was convinced to bring a bottle of GIN by the crib, yet upon arrival he was serving her a different drink instead of the one she brought. As the story goes, she passed out to awaken hours later to him nudging her to wake up. then, he convinced her to give him head. Not only did she do it once, but she did it 3 times for this guy. She left the next day, yet she felt that her intentions weren’t to go over there for oral sex or sexual activities but just to visit. She’s convinced she was drugged which makes sense because i had to help her put the pieces together and my knowledge of date-rape drugs(only because I was a bartender which forced me to become knowledgeable of roofies and GHB). also, I know my wife isn’t a fan of being nude, giving oral w/out a condom(initially) and kissing just anybody, to which she performed while being in a euphoric, dreamlike state from the drugs. also she never finished her own drink yet she felt as if she drank a bottle.
Now, she never went back nor engaged in multiple conversations with this creep, but 3 days later she fucked a guy that she kinda liked. Now, I’m like “Wow!” After she and her new friend didn’t work, a month or so later she goes back to the actors house because she kinda believed she was just sleepy while chalking up her giving him head as just her getting caught up in the moment. This time she didnt drink alcohol, yet he presented her with a drink that he said was non-alcoholic though she said it had a funny taste. She had a few sips that eventually he took the glass away. Next she said she was sitting on the couch, turned around to see what this creep wanted to be presented with a DICK in her face that she sucked! When I asked her why, all she could say is that she doesn’t know, to the point she felt like it was dream and she said he stopped her to kiss, then proceeded to put his penis in her mouth. She said as she performed fellatio, she closed her eyes then saw a flash. This jerk took a pic of her yet lied about it. Next thing she knows she passed out to awaken w/ her boobs out.
Folks, she told me the generic story as “friends”, yet now the truth had to come out because of her being stalked and pics of her on the NET! Not to mention she feels horrible about it. Now, since us MEN use logic, I told her that a small dosage of these drugs don’t actually force u to do anything but just relaxes/dehibits one to do sexual and passionate acts. I am so disturbed that my wife experienced this though since the guy is a actor is a business associate, he has told me since he knows we’re together how much my WIFE loves to give head and that she was going nuts on his penis. She stated to me that she thought his penis was cute and that she didnt mind having a go at it, but that should be her decision instead of being influenced by these drugs.
My next question to her is”Why did you go a second time?” She said cause she gave him the benefit of the doubt. Now the thoughts of her sucking off a close associate of mine permeates through our relationship to the point that our young marriage is on the rocks. I do try to remain liberal, non-judgmental, and understanding yet from this story down to the first ones, I’m starting to believe my wife was a little to free and that she was a ho. Not to mention, she was really upset not with that she gave head, but that she received nothing i return to make her cum like intercourse, oral, or finger fucking.
Please help me because I’m lost!
It seems more like poor judgement or lack of clear expectations are playing a major rule. Ive been married for 6 years now and we had to clearly delineate what were are expectations, must have, deal breakers, etc. Marriage (relationship) are fluid they grow and change as the people in them do. I believe that a person can love, sleep with, have intimacy with more than one person even when married. But there must be love, trust, honest, responsibility and maturity with ALL involved or it will bring chaos and many unwanted things. It may be that she is unclear of your concerns or expectations (hell YOU may be unclear), so I suggest you talk it out first… honestly and thoroughly. THEN decide where to go next.
I would also like to RE-point out that I don’t condom unequal, chauvinistic ideals of women or relationships.
Read This. You’ll understand.
http://ca.askmen.com/entertainment/austin_600/662_double-standards.html
This is the realist article out there.If women can’t understand this, then they need to just keep hoeing so we can let the hoes be hoes and the wife material chicks get wifed up.
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i seriously doubt that, with so many low life women that we have now.
it is very impossible to do these days, when there are so many low life loser women today. and many of them just can’t seem to stay with one man anymore, and have that desire to cheat. the average woman today has a least seven different boyfriends, one for each day of the week. HO HO HO, just too many today.
filthy ho’s are everywhere, it is like they are having a contest with their girlfriends to see how many men they can go to bet at one time. then again, GOD certainly created garbage nowadays.