Life is something that doesn’t come with a handbook or instruction manual. The idea of how we should sift through the “shitfields” of life is one we all have to partake on our own at our own pace. When it comes to relationships it can be more complicated than solving the Theory of Relativity or Who Shot Biggie Smalls? Since I have started this blog I have always been a proponent of self-reflection especially when it comes to our relationship movements and even have delved into my own deficiencies and thoughts (see “The Marcus Graham Chronicles”). This week’s guest post from Drew-Shane (@drewshane) of Heard Him Say tackles the idea of being ready to be in a relationship or just exploring what life has to offer…
I could start this piece by trying to paint a picture of the perfect Mona Lisa of a partner, but for time sake, you know what, where and who they are. They’re everything you want and you just can’t get enough. Blah-blah-blah! If you could replay every moment in time you two were together over and over again, you would.
Get the picture.
You’ve both devoted some heavy time in getting to know each other – which might be new for you. I mean you’re not looking for the next ‘wifey’ because you actually enjoy the time and space you’re in. However, for some reason you feel like things are just moving too fast and you’re just not ready.
Investing time in self always comes first – to some people.
We’ve all envisioned our life’s journey to be full of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, but what actually happens to us when these carefree destinations are heading in opposite directions.
No matter what you do in life, once you’ve committed to making yourself better personally then you extremely increase your chances of being happy. Although I hate to use a cliché, being happy starts within. Once you’ve figured out what makes you happy and make the time for those activities, you’ll know where to place the efforts. Yes, this includes dating too.
So is it safe to date while waiting for other parts of your life to come together?
Wait, before you answer that question, first you must know what your intentions are for dating. Blatantly, what are you dating for? Will the person – or persons – you’re dating fit in to your lifestyle?
There is a bold-thick line between casually dating and dating for commitment. Pending your goal, you have to decide which one works best for you.
Engaging in committed relationships just to keep the other side of the bed warm is a beautiful blueprint for chaos and busted car windows. That’s not a good situation for anyone. *cues Jazmine Sullivan*
You both have to know what you’re walking into because relationships are made up of two people’s emotions, two people’s wants and two people’s needs. Trying to manage and get on the same page isn’t always simple. Either way, respect has to be given on both sides because if you’re at a point in your life where you selfishly indulged in your own well-being then dating is not the answer.
Creating a healthy balance between life and work can be a daunting task. I’ve struggled with this in the past until I learned. I was very focused in school and work. Everything else was second or even last. I never spent the time cultivating relationships. There’s no doubt, the ability to multi-task is a beautiful thing. Not only being capable of doing this but doing this effectively is what separates the challengers.
When to date is always a self-reflection on how much we love ourselves. Dating is an integrity sport full of good and bad quarters; even with a little overtime. Not only do you have to be properly equipped with the endurance and skill set, but you also have to be honest with your current situation and state of mind. Conditioning and constant improvement will allow you to overcome yourself by allowing someone to be an effective part of your life.
So quickly, we can shut ourselves down from thinking we aren’t ready for this commitment. Can I give what I’m wiling to receive? If our package, meaning self, doesn’t have the most luxurious perks and incentives attached, we often drive people away.
There is never a point in your life where you’re going to feel at 100 percent. If you ever find yourself being content perhaps you should focus on ways of improvement. You’re going to always be looking ahead to achieve your dreams and finding out ways to better yourself. It’s human nature to always want to do better. As a progressive generation and culture, we expand on our life experiences in mapping our roadmap through our journey called life.
We all strive to have success in our personal relationships and those who reciprocate respect and concern for us, while staying progressive. Developing strong relationships in every facet of our lives are important. Once you realize if you’re ready to date, allow others the opportunity to develop interest. Don’t be afraid to get out and meet people who fit into your life. So before telling yourself, “But, I’m not ready”- think. Dating is a part of life, which helps you mature no matter what’s going on around you –but only if you’re dating for the right reasons.