Life is something that doesn’t come with a handbook or instruction manual. The idea of how we should sift through the “shitfields” of life is one we all have to partake on our own at our own pace. When it comes to relationships it can be more complicated than solving the Theory of Relativity or Who Shot Biggie Smalls? Since I have started this blog I have always been a proponent of self-reflection especially when it comes to our relationship movements and even have delved into my own deficiencies and thoughts (see “The Marcus Graham Chronicles”). This week’s guest post from Drew-Shane (@drewshane) of Heard Him Say tackles the idea of being ready to be in a relationship or just exploring what life has to offer…
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I could start this piece by trying to paint a picture of the perfect Mona Lisa of a partner, but for time sake, you know what, where and who they are. They’re everything you want and you just can’t get enough. Blah-blah-blah! If you could replay every moment in time you two were together over and over again, you would.
Get the picture.
You’ve both devoted some heavy time in getting to know each other – which might be new for you. I mean you’re not looking for the next ‘wifey’ because you actually enjoy the time and space you’re in. However, for some reason you feel like things are just moving too fast and you’re just not ready.
Investing time in self always comes first – to some people.
We’ve all envisioned our life’s journey to be full of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, but what actually happens to us when these carefree destinations are heading in opposite directions.
No matter what you do in life, once you’ve committed to making yourself better personally then you extremely increase your chances of being happy. Although I hate to use a cliché, being happy starts within. Once you’ve figured out what makes you happy and make the time for those activities, you’ll know where to place the efforts. Yes, this includes dating too.
For some, the pursuit of happiness relies with consistent advancements in their careers, obtaining higher degrees in their education
or even cultivating their immediate family members to grow.
So is it safe to date while waiting for other parts of your life to come together?
Wait, before you answer that question, first you must know what your intentions are for dating. Blatantly, what are you dating for? Will the person – or persons – you’re dating fit in to your lifestyle?
There is a bold-thick line between casually dating and dating for commitment. Pending your goal, you have to decide which one works best for you.
Engaging in committed relationships just to keep the other side of the bed warm is a beautiful blueprint for chaos and busted car windows. That’s not a good situation for anyone. *cues Jazmine Sullivan*
You both have to know what you’re walking into because relationships are made up of two people’s emotions, two people’s wants and two people’s needs. Trying to manage and get on the same page isn’t always simple. Either way, respect has to be given on both sides because if you’re at a point in your life where you selfishly indulged in your own well-being then dating is not the answer.
Creating a healthy balance between life and work can be a daunting task. I’ve struggled with this in the past until I learned. I was very focused in school and work. Everything else was second or even last. I never spent the time cultivating relationships. There’s no doubt, the ability to multi-task is a beautiful thing. Not only being capable of doing this but doing this effectively is what separates the challengers.
When to date is always a self-reflection on how much we love ourselves. Dating is an integrity sport full of good and bad quarters; even with a little overtime. Not only do you have to be properly equipped with the endurance and skill set, but you also have to be honest with your current situation and state of mind. Conditioning and constant improvement will allow you to overcome yourself by allowing someone to be an effective part of your life.
So quickly, we can shut ourselves down from thinking we aren’t ready for this commitment. Can I give what I’m wiling to receive? If our package, meaning self, doesn’t have the most luxurious perks and incentives attached, we often drive people away.
There is never a point in your life where you’re going to feel at 100 percent. If you ever find yourself being content perhaps you should focus on ways of improvement. You’re going to always be looking ahead to achieve your dreams and finding out ways to better yourself. It’s human nature to always want to do better. As a progressive generation and culture, we expand on our life experiences in mapping our roadmap through our journey called life.
We all strive to have success in our personal relationships and those who reciprocate respect and concern for us, while staying progressive. Developing strong relationships in every facet of our lives are important. Once you realize if you’re ready to date, allow others the opportunity to develop interest. Don’t be afraid to get out and meet people who fit into your life. So before telling yourself, “But, I’m not ready”- think. Dating is a part of life, which helps you mature no matter what’s going on around you –but only if you’re dating for the right reasons.
Great Post Drew!! We really only think of what we want out of a relation ship instead of what we really need out of it. We have to think about who we are much more
Good post…personally the hardest thing about dating can be the best part about it. It’s that exploratory feeling out process where both parties are trying to gracefully pull away the layers of the other person while, at the same time, trying not to step on toes or appear overly nosy. That time of separating the person’s “representative” from the real person sitting across from you. it can be maddening and time consuming but altogether worth it if the planets align and things work out.
You put it together so nicely. It’s a give and take, which makes it scary for some. What makes it great if both parties can get on the same page.
*claps!!* I’ve had this conversation with friends. And it takes a lot of self-reflection and self-awareness to really understand what you want vs what you’re ready to have. A lot of focus in our adult lives is placed on finding a partner, but I think people should be happy with themselves before they rush into a full commitment. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be open… It’s definitely about keeping a balance. And I’ll admit, it’s not always easy.
“Engaging in committed relationships just to keep the other side of the bed warm is a beautiful blueprint for chaos and busted car windows. That’s not a good situation for anyone. ” I couldn’t agree with this more, though the busted car windows is really on the extreme side. Lol.
I really like this post, and appreciate the point you push for patience and progression (I hope I interpreted that correctly).
Busted windows may be extreme but it is a powerful metaphor we all can feel. Nobody wants busted windows though- maybe a flat tire…
Thanks! It’s all about progression in almost any relationship. Growth.
Good piece! In contemplating why we want to date a certain person, we need to think seriously about the feelings of the person who we intend to date. The terms of the dating needs to be clearly established and articulated up front. Miscommunication early on during dating can lead to heartbreak. Chaos may ensue. Some people don’t distinguish between “jump-offs” and “dating.”
Yeah, one may not be 100% ready to start a dating, but the individual needs to have a mindset that is committed to treating the person he or she plans to date with respect. Effective communication with one’s self and the other party is crucial for dating to be successful and for it not to become chaotic. It is often said that we don’t like drama, but sometimes we invite drama by not communicating well with ourselves and our other parties about our feelings and intentions. Again, good piece!
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“Either way, respect has to be given on both sides because if you’re at a point in your life where you selfishly indulged in your own well-being then dating is not the answer.”
I love that line because it says so much. Alot of ppl tend to get involved with others when they are aware that at this time in their life it’s not something they really want and/or really need.
Good post!!!
You know what this post majority of people in relationshipsa need to read. Some people want to say they have somebody so bad that they are willing to not see what and who they are
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I came across this piece on Mr. Drew Daniels facebook page and I’m very glad that I did. At 33 years old I ask myself all the time, “will I ever date again and eventually be in a healthy committed relationship”? Dating is a risk we all have to take and I will admit for myself its very scary. I find myself taking all the wrong steps towards dating. U made a valid statement “No matter what you do in life, once you’ve committed to making yourself better personally then you extremely increase your chances of being happy”. Reading that statement just reconfirmed what my mother and close friends always say – Love self 1st and everything else will fall in its proper place. This piece came at just the right time. Mr. Frierson thank you.
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