There’s a notion that many men have lost their chivalry or romance, while some men believe that women have been just as much a determinant. During the post “Battle of the Sexes: Is Chivalry Dead or Just in a Coma?“, fellow blogger MaxFab of Max Logic debated the idea of chivalry in today’s society. I’m the first to admit many dudes are slippin’ on their pimpin’ when it comes to pursuing the opposite sex – but, some women have jaded some men in terms of chivalry and romance. It’s like a constant circle of wackness in dating. But, sometimes a lot of the wackness on the males part really comes down to how much he really wants to pursue the woman (see “I’ll Hit But I Won’t Make You Wifey”). Is it that men are just lacking in “the game” or social skills in wooing a woman, or is it that women allow men to be lazy in their game? This week’s guest blogger is Shannon Bennett (@MsTBennett) – and she’s a very special guest blogger! She is the designer of the brand new From Ashy to Classy Logo (see it here). In this guest post she’ll relate her story…of not wanting the first date to be on her couch…
Handsome and seemingly intelligent man (HSIM): “Hey, we should hang out! I’d like to get to know more about you.”
Me: “That sounds cool! What did you have in mind?”
HSIM: “Well, what do you like to do?”
Me: “Go to art museums, skate, bowl, festivals, the movies…anything fun really! What about you?”
HSIM: “…Can I come over? We can just watch a movie or something….”
*conversation proceeds into ratchetness*
I must have missed a dating memo!!! *runs off to check email, Twitter, and FB accounts*
I’ll freely admit I’m no pro at this dating game. I was in a committed relationship for a lil over 5 years. As a result, and a personal rule, I try very hard to keep an open mind when I meet someone new. I realize I may still be getting used to the dating scene. But honey, there’s no reason you should even know what the inside of my crib looks like on the first date. People are f’in CRAZY out here, or hasn’t anyone noticed?! Trust me, I know (Fool me once…you get the point…) Whatever happened to meeting at a neutral spot (i.e. restaurant, coffee spot, festival)? So whyyyyy? *Cee-lo Green voice* WHY has the above conversation been the norm, rather than the exception?
I’m not claiming perfection in all my past actions – sadly, I’m stating this from experience *face-palm*. These handsome
seemingly intelligent men don’t hesitate to ask for what I’ll henceforth name the “Bullshit Date.” On said Bullshit Date the man comes to my house, sits on my nice comfy couch, eats my delicious home-cooked food and watches my movies. Hmmm…maybe he even splurged at Redbox?! *swoons* Don’t get me wrong, I’m a huge fan of movie nights and snuggle time. Shoutout to Netflix! But let’s get something straight – unless I actually know you, our first interactions alone should never be within the comforts of my home. Sticking to that precedent helps prevent a lot of misconceptions…trust me.
On one hand, I guess I should thank these HSIM for being so up-front… it saves BOTH of us from wasting our time – I won’t go around thinking he’s a certain type of man, and he won’t have to put in any more lackluster effort to get some ass. WIN-WIN! On the other hand, I can’t help but be disappointed…you’re not even going to TRY for common social etiquette?? That’s why I don’t blink an eye when, inevitably, I have to say, “I think we’re looking for different things. Thanks for the offer (not really), but no thanks!” Some of the men handle it with the aplomb born of thousands of rejections and take it in-stride (ouch). Others…Well… not so much.
Now, I’m not saying there aren’t men out there that take the initiative, plan outings and approach women with enough respect to at least ask them on a date to a free museum. Lol. There are! Thank God for ya’ll! But really, at the end of the day, I’m just a little disgusted at the lack of thought and decency I’ve been encountering lately. And here I thought I keep my expectations reachable…
So don’t worry – however handsome and seemingly intelligent you may be, if I suddenly drop off the face of the earth after you propose such ridiculousness to me, you already know the deal.
Note: In general, I never instantly stop contact. I stray away from burning bridges preemptively. I attempt another option/idea. But, in the most recent instances they never even blink a eye before suggesting, again – hanging out at my place. Classy.
- Is Chivalry DEAD Or Just In A COMA?! [Battle Of The Sexes Is Back] (thisisyourconscience.com)
- Chivalry: WTF happened? (disappointedlove.wordpress.com)
- Ten Acts of Desperation Women Perform to Keep Mr. Right (singleblackmale.org)
- 5 Signs You’re Dating An Insecure Man (goddessintellect.com)
- A Conversation with CHIVALRY (writerzblockblog.wordpress.com)