The Marcus Graham Chronicles is my personal journey of dealing with love and relationships. It is called the Marcus Graham Chronicles because of my affinity for the movie “Boomerang” and how the main character of Marcus Graham relates to me as the “black professional” man. You can check out earlier posts in this series HERE.
One of the oldest sayings is that LOVE conquers all and that LOVE will always see you through to the end. We are taught that true LOVE will be our protective shield in a relationship. The essential idea is that we will find a soul mate and that the LOVE between us and our mate will always be able to stand the test of time. These notions are all good in theory but in application I think that they are…WACK! Don’t get me wrong I believe LOVE along with HATE are two of the strongest emotions that a human being can feel (hence the saying “There is a Thin Line Between Love and Hate“) With that being said the
jail sentences years of relationships I have had I have come to one new general principle about myself…”I Need to Like A Woman More Than I love Her”.
Marcus Graham’s character in Boomerang had a transformation of realizing that he had to like a woman more than LOVE her. Marcus had spent most of his life looking for the woman who fit the template of the ideas he considered a woman worthy enough to love. He would
dog-women diss women because he didn’t feel that heavy emotion of love. When Marcus ran into Jacqueline Broyer he felt just because he LOVED her. He was so caught up in love her credentials and her powerful stature that he mistook that as a woman he should be on LOVE with. It took that relationship with Jacqueline to understand that LOVE wasn’t the most important thing but the idea of liking someone was more important. Marcus was able to see that he liked being around and with Angela Lewis instead of “loving” her template. He was able to have a good time and kick back without any barriers. Marcus through spending time with her and the children was able to like the person that Angela was more than loving the persona of a woman like Jacqueline.
What do I mean by Liking more than Loving?
In a couple of earlier posts in the Marcus Graham Chronicles “Why DO I Love Jacquelines?” And “Love Really Don’t Love Me” particularly, I tried to explore the idea of LOVE and my attractions in my life. The idea of liking someone more than loving them is a rather new revelation for me. The reason I say this is because loving someone isn’t always enough. I think the idea of you general liking to be around a person is just as or maybe even more important. For instance, if you are upset with your mate it seems to be that it will be harder to make-up with the person if you generally don’t LIKE the person and who they are. At the end of the day how can you truly LOVE someone if you don’t really LIKE being with them?
There is a clear difference many times between LIKE AND LOVE. Yes, in a relationship you are not always going to like what the person does or acts but continually dreading to be in their presences is another issue. Sometimes we become a slave to “loving” ideals instead of liking the person. I hear men sometimes complain about and try to get away from their wives and girlfriends and I understand that sometimes a man needs to get away from all that estrogenial energy (Yeah I made up a new term!). But, have you ever seen the dude that literally never wants to go home or see his wife or girlfriend? The reason is he really doesn’t like her BUT he loves her because of the time and energy he has invested in her. Many times us as men confuse loyalty, great sex, or a woman sticking around as attributes to a person we should love. Yes, a person should be loyal and stick with you through the good and times BUT those ideals can be paramount to dictating your love.
For example, a man may even say something like “I had to marry her man she stuck around and took all my ish. I mean I trust her because she has stayed around me the longest.”, “She sux, fux, and cooks for me so good” or “I mean she has been down with me and has my kids.”
I know am not the only person who has said a man who has said that right? The sad part about this that many men will confuse that loyalty, sex, catering, and relationship attrition as the sole qualifiers of a great relationship or love. Keep in mind this man may not be able to stand to be around her. This ideal at the end of the day is not good for the woman or the man. Because the man will just stay content to “loyalty” or whatever theoretical ideas he has of the reason he loves her. There is a higher possibility this man will end up cheating, becoming disenchanted or straying from this woman because you know what…HE REALLY DON’T LIKE HER.
I have had to evaluate this notion of liking of someone over loving someone sentiment. I have looked at my past relationships and seen that maybe I was more in LOVE with some of the women instead of liking them. I was wrapped up in superficial things that don’t mean a damn at the end of the day. Even though I will be the first to say that if a woman doesn’t have any loyalty, fuxing and suxing him sufficently, catering and having a compassionate disposition the idea of a man “liking” a woman won’t mean much as well.
What I am saying is that linking the person and loving their presence and being is the one of the keys to love for me. What about when the times get bad? The LOVE won’t mean a damn thing if I really only like being in your presence is when I am ready to eat, sex, or some mandatory time-wasting. I understand that a person isn’t a ready-made wifey but we have to generally love being around one another.
I just starting to believe I can only LOVE someone if truly LIKE being around them. One can say that if you wholeheartedly don’t LIKE someone how can you love them? Ahhh by George you have it! The idea of being “liking” a woman has to go hand in hand with me loving a woman. Ergo the idea of liking a woman more than loving her. Because I didn’t love some of the women in my past right because I couldn’t LIKE them for whom they were.
Side note: I feel like I need to check my “Relationship Credit Score”
What are your thoughts on the idea of Liking vs. Loving?
- Damn, I’m A Choosey Lover: The Marcus Graham Condition Redux (ashy2classy.net)
- Fairytales are Make Believe: Why People Should Not Follow Disneyfied Relationship Examples (ashy2classy.net)
- Are Women Of The Past The Reason Men Cheat? (ashy2classy.net)
- Men Are Not Perfect Vol 2: Everything I Need to Know About Love (singleblackmale.org)
- Women Need To Write Their Own Love Standard (halloftheblackdragon.com)
- Stop Blaming The Other Woman For Breaking Up Your “Happy” Home (thisisyourconscience.com)
- Should You Marry Someone That Loves You More? (candydiaries.com)