We can all accept that the socioeconomic dynamic of relationships have drastically changed over the last 20 years. Women have knocked down so many social and economic walls and many cases are in situations where they happen to make more than their mate. The general social structure of a man being the primary or majority bread-winner has almost been destroyed. The problem is that our mentality hasn’t changed to accommodate this new dynamic of life.
The honest harsh truth is that most men will not be able to truly accept a woman who makes significant more money than him…
Yeah I said it!
Most men grow-up being taught to be a protector and provider for the women in his family. Society projects to him that a “man” takes care of the woman in his life (financially). Also, the darker side of the game is that through survival of the fittest of viewing most men have seen that the more financial stable you are the more women will want you. Men learn at an early age that with most women personality really doesn’t get you as far as the proverbial money, power, and respect.
I know I was taught from the “playas”(uncles, cousins, and older associates) that if you aren’t “taking care” of your woman another man can easily come and “take her”(financially or upgrading mentally). One of the main reasons most men can’t accept a woman who makes a significant more money than them is…the male ego. The male ego can be the strongest part of a man’s soul and the most fragile at the same time. A man’s ego is tied to the majority of the things he does in life (that and Noncie). If a man does not feel as if he is being a part of him will feel incomplete. A man feels at his highest point of who when he is able to create and make things around him a reality. Any man wants to the best for his lady because he thrives on it. A man is the utter reflection of the woman he is with(and if he has a family his ability to provide and protect them) and if he isn’t taking her to another level that what does that say about him as a man?
A man can do everything to take care of their woman (besides financially) but the question for women is that enough sometimes? Can a woman truly respect a man who isn’t “the man of the household”?
The reason I ask this question is because society has taught us over and over that money, power, and respect have always won in this world. A lot of women if they want to admit it or not are attracted to men that have are hungry for the money, power, and respect. The classic Alpha Male vs. Beta Male rearing its ugly head once again. This has always been the way things have been BUT if society itself has changed in its social construct shouldn’t the view of what an Alpha male vs. Beta Male change?
Men have been socialized to believe in the hegemonic order of a man being a king of the castle. Men have been sold the notion that Stacey Dash will be sitting in their kitchen cooking butt naked every day. He will sit down and have his morning paper and orange juice and realize he is the king of his castle. Don’t believe that men are socialized to feel like they have to be the king than think about any debate about chivalry being dead and you will see how most men cannot accept it Maybe it is time as men that we reevaluate what this fictional “kingdom” is. Can we figure out how to push the ego to the side and figure out how this new “kingdom” is to be made?
Some women have set themselves up for failure as well. Some women buy into the fantasy that some brotha who looks like Idris Elba is going to ride in on a white horse and save them from their woes of their mundane life. I will say this and I will stand by it…NO WOMAN WANTS TO REALLY WORK WITH MONEY! What I mean by that is that most women if given the option to do what they want in life and money weren’t a worry they wouldn’t care about the intricacies of money. The reason I say this is that money, power, and respect are more a part of a man’s being so he is naturally going to be attracted to the paper chase.
A relationship is something that takes very hard work to grow and mature but one of the major things is a man and woman will have to reconceptualize what the roles are for a man and for a woman. This has to be something that we as a society really have to redefine. What are the roles for a man and woman in today’s world? Can a woman respect a man even though he is not the breadwinner of the house? Is a man going to be able to put his pride to the side and grow within a relationship where he is not the primary breadwinner? Can a woman still feed a man’s ego and make him feel like a man even if he isn’t financially the man? Can a man give up some of his power and understand that his make job description may need to be updated a bit?
Sometimes I wonder if the majority of our generation’s relationships are destined to suck because we hold on to so many past preconceived notions of how relationships should be even though the landscape of the world has changed. Sometimes it seems we are trying to live in an alternate reality instead of the world set before us. *Sigh*…maybe our children will grow up with a clearer view of this aspect in relationships.
So its that time again The Black Web Blog awards are back up on us…please take the time and Nominate From Ashy to Classy in these categories:
Best Blog Post Series
Best Culture Blog
Blog to Watch
- “ANY Woman That’s Ever Been In A Gang-Bang Was RAPED” (thisisyourconscience.com)
- FYI: Nice Guys/Successful Men – Women Don’t OWE Your Punk-Ass ANY P*ssy (thisisyourconscience.com)
- The Reason Beta Males Pedestalize Women (heartiste.wordpress.com)
- Should A Man Always Pay On The First Date? (halloftheblackdragon.com)
- Neither Black Man Nor Black Woman: Living On The Outside (racialicious.com)
- You Have No Idea (brotherswithnogame.com)
- 7 Reasons Why Men Can’t Do Nice Things (singleblackmale.org)