This past weekend was the seminal holiday of Father’s Day. The reason I call it seminal is because like Chris Rock said that fathers don’t get all the thanks for holding down everything in the household or for his children. A father holds it down for the family at all costs to make sure his future generations can have something to hold to. The idea of Father’s Day is something that gets shuffled out of the deck in our society. When I am talking about father’s in no way am I talking about the proverbial…BABY DADDY! Oh yes!….The BABY DADDY! The term Baby daddy itself has become more iconic than saying father. Even to the point I am wondering if we need to have a 2nd holiday just for Baby daddies.
This Father’s Day and like many over the last few years have been filled with the conditional Father’s Day shout outs:
“Happy Father’s Day to the father’s who know all their kids names”
“Happy Father’s Day to my mom who is the only Dad I had.”
“Happy Father’s Day to men who take care of all their babies.”
I saw so many variations of the conditional Father’s Day messages I was wondering if they had a Hallmark line for baby daddies or “conditional” fathers. When I say this I mean this with the most respect and earnest that I can but I am being as blunt as possible to some women…”TAKE ACCOUNTABILITY FOR YOUR OWN ACTIONS!” The same can be said for the brothas who always want to talk slick about their baby mamas but this post is particularly to the women who couldn’t let the fathers have their day.
What I mean by this is I saw so many women with tweets, Facebook statuses, and blogs ishing on men for not being fathers, not being real men, or men not being man enough to hold down a family. This is all on the day that is supposed to be a day to thank the fathers! If your baby daddy or father wasn’t in your life than obviously Father’s Day wasn’t meant for them. Why not let the brothas who are holding it down for the children have ONE day to get some thanks without any snide and backhanded compliments?
Ladies, if you have issues with your daddy from what he did back in ’91! GET OVER IT! You can’t be 27 years and still blaming the fact your father wasn’t in your life for whatever discrepancies you have in your life. I understand that not having a father growing up is a deficiency. But like I said in my post “Life is Like a Dice Game” we can’t complain on the way the dice comes out for us we just have to learn how to play the rolls of the dice and live to make our lives better. Are you going to let the fact your father wasn’t there effect your relationships with men for the rest of your life? There is no need to harbor all that negative energy because at the end of the day it will only hurt YOU! We can decide what energy we take in and the energy we radiate to the world.
This is one of the reasons that men have to be good father’s to not only keep them off the pole but to keep them from being bitter women and understanding the dynamic of a man…which can be one of the core problem’s that some women have within a relationship.
If a woman has a bad “baby daddy” or father of her children she has to look at herself just as much as she has to look at the down trodden man. I mean you did let this “triflin” brotha hit it right? I would say 8 out of 10 times that the man displayed characteristics that weren’t aligned with being a good father. How did you get in the situation of having a child with a man who you knew wasn’t responsible in the first place? What is it about myself that attracted me to this man? When you got with Dante you knew he had 5 children by 4 women already so what did you think it was going to be about you that was really going to change this man? When you got with Corey he didn’t have any drive or hustle about him so did you think he could be a good provider?
I understand there are some brothas out there who aren’t being the best fathers to their children but why let that negative energy consume you and your child. In most case when I see a woman who trashes their “baby daddy” I know three things: she is an insecure person, she has no ability to self-reflect, and she may inadvertently be brewing a generation of bitter children. Some women don’t understand by trashing the father that they are only creating the breeding ground for a man hating woman who blames most of her problems on men or the Oedipus complex man who never can take his mouth off the teat of his mother. The negative energy we create in ourselves isn’t just our own when we bring kids into this world.
Kids feel the negative energy that flows through us especially when it comes to interactions with their mother/father. So ladies the next time you have something bad to say about “baby daddy” think that what you are saying about him is a reflection on you just as much as him. And ladies you can’t harbor negative energy to your father the rest of your life because like my Granny Barbara always says “You only get ONE DAD and ONE MOM. You just have to love and deal with the one’s God gave you.”