Interracial dating has becoming more and more a part of our society. People are finding love in a colors, races, and creeds. American Society is becoming closer to Tiger Woods identification as Cablasian. In most parts of the country it is not as big of a deal to see a couple who two different racial identities in the park having an intimate lunch. If you aren’t comfortable in seeing this dynamic then you might need to grab a ti
me machine and set the dial to around 1956 because these are the times we live in.
I do not have ANY problem with interracial dating (even a few of my girlfriends have been of a biracial background) because if a person is able to find love it shouldn’t matter who they are. But, I do have a problem with someone believing that dating someone of another race is the answer to their relationship woes. It’s great you found love and everything but why the need to go forth dissing just because you are in a relationship with some one of a different race.
Particularly in the black community we have this underlying sentiment that throughout our culture that “white” is always right. This can be seen permeated in some black women/men who have decided to date someone of another race. They conclude that just because the person is of another race (particularly white) that they are in a better situation or have a better man/woman. I will chalk up this idea into the “post slave mentality” category. Just because someone dates outside of their race does not guarantee the idea that they will have happiness. The relationship game is risky on any level. The people with this ignorant mentality will make comments such as these:
Black women are just too sassy and attitudes and Asian women don’t give me all that mouth
Black men do not know how to be gentleman and treat a woman. White men are more of the traditional knight shining armor.
Black women all get overweight and don’t keep up their beauty like white women do.
Black Men are all in jail or on the down low. Hispanic men are “real” men who take care of their homes and their woman.
You can add a multitude of other quasi reasons people warrant their interracial dating. One of the things you don’t hear from theses misguided people is anything about…LOVE. A person can have a laundry list of demands like a terrorist in a hostage situation. But, when a person has this ideal totally handcuffed to a social template regardless of race they are just setting themselves up for failure. LOVE is the one of the central components of a relationship working. Yes, a person can have this entire social template they want but at the end of the day if you don’t have LOVE at the base of the tree it will sour regardless of the person’s race.
In Spike Lee’s Jungle Fever he presented the concept of how sometimes people of different races can think that interracial dating itself can solve their relationship woes. Spike Lee was able to deliver the idea that our own personal issues are the cause of the problem not the race of the person. It made the viewer really dissect the difference between LOVE and just running away from oneself.
One of the saddest things I have seen is the proliferation of people championing interracial dating at the expense of dissing black women and black men in a public forum. There are some great websites that embrace the love and happiness from interracial relationships but then there are some that are just places to public bash the black man or black woman. But, do a quit google search and you will see some of the ridiculous websites out there. We would be remised to not recognize how some people act as if dating a white person is a badge of honor or trophy in an equestrian event.
I will say this from the male perspective and I mean this with the utmost honesty. And this is something I have said on many occasions: Men in general of any race, creed, or color “aint sh**”. What I mean by that is that we are have the same intrinsic want and you can guess what that is… “THE NONCIE”. I don’t care what color he is the majority of what a man does is for a woman. Every man has different ways of going about it and what his overall life goal is but I bet you one thing…it involves “noncie”. I have friends from all backgrounds and we may have differences in culture, beliefs, politics, and sports affiliations but one thing th
at stays consistent among all of us is the desire for noncie. With that being said if you feel all black men are dogs and don’t want to settle down I can show you the white men, Asian men, and Hispanic men who don’t want to settle down either but they just play their game with another set of rules. I’m sure women can say the same thing among each other. There are bad seeds in every race in the dating pool. Every relationship no matter what color they are is hard work.
When it comes to not only interracial dating but dating as a whole we have to start to look deep in ourselves to see our personal underlying issues instead of blaming the other person (or group of people). If we did a lot more of introspective thought about our relationships we will ALL see how much we are all full of sh**. When we are able to quit blaming a race or sex for the relationship problems and realize our own personal issues we can begin to fix our tattered relationships.
Related articles
- Think Like a Foolio, Date Like a Dummy: The Myth of the Great White Hope (rippdemup.com)
- Why the Increase in Interracial Marriage Doesn’t Mean a Decrease in Racism (aloftyexistence.wordpress.com)
- Ask Na’dean #1: New Years Resolutions & Interracial Dating (aptheblank.com)
- Jungle Fever: Black/ White Relations (datingrulez.com)
- Interracial Dating: Black Women Finding Love Outside America (clutchmagonline.com)
- Why I Love Outdated: Why Dating Is Ruining Your Love Life [Culturelicious] (racialicious.com)
- White Women, Black Men & African Feminists (msafropolitan.com)
- John Arthur “Black Jack” Johnson (halloftheblackdragon.com)
- Interracial dating: Should black women find love outside America? (thegrio.com)
Thank you so much for this post!!! I totally agree with your post!! I have nothing wrong with people who find love with whoever. But why you have to talk slick in the process of that.
I completely agree with everything you said in this post. It could not have been more true. Although I am a black woman married to a black man, I personally do not have a problem with interracial dating. But I know of many people, black, white and hispanic, who do. So much so that they can not withhold their disdain for it when they see an interracial couple in public. I will never understand why they have a problem with it. How does who someone else choose to date or marry affect your life? It doesn’t. Even for those black women who say that their options for black men are limited because there are so few black men that reach their standards (good job, financially sound, no kids, never been to jail, etc.) and many of them are dating white women. My advice to these women is to think outside the box and experiment. You might find what you’re looking for in an unexpected race. I kind of went of on a tangent.
Can the church all give you a glorious applause for this write up!! I am tired of seeing black folks shit on black folks just because they are dating someone of a different race. It seems you are starting to see it more hardcore from black women on the web and in public forums. Like you said men are men don’t matter how you slice them. Brothas aint immune either acting like white women are the Cestine chapel or sumthin. Just love who you love and keep it moving!
Interracial dating should never be used as an automatic solution to one’s longing to find a satisfactory relationship. Many Black people resort to interracial dating out of deep racial self-loathing and self-hatred. It’s really a flawed mindset that people have who think they gain some sort of desired social status when they get into a relationship with someone of mixed race descent or a racial descent different from their own.
I agree. The problem is still going to be there no matter which race you decide to date. We all have our character flaws which doesn’t depend on race. Many times we really think “White is right.” I just say, date what you like. If you have to point out particular characteristics then that’s where the problem comes from.
Good write! I honestly have no issue with interracial dating. You’re living your life! I really only take issue when people say things such as “if I get married I don’t think it will be to a brotha” or “Black women give you too much mouth” or my personal favorite “Black men don’t know how to be faithful…” If you find another race omre attractive and thats your target, then knock yourself out. Just don’t think that they are BETTER!!! Don’t feel that because you had a run in or two (or three) with someone Black that they don’t know how to do something as well as our White counterparts. The thing that goes over looked is that you’re contributing everything GOOD with everything thats not considered Black. If you’re constantly getting dogged by every Black man you meet, they’re constatnly giving you a hard time when it comes to dating, then maybe you don’t have a Black man problem. You might just have a man problem!!!
This is my first time on your blog and I have to say that was an excellent topic!
Love this post Darryl!
I think interracial dating is a positive because both people will get a chance to learn about another culture. Another thought is what exactly is interracial dating? Especially with the lines becoming more and more blurry. My Dad married outside of his Kenyan race to a Trinidadian (whose Grandmother is Irish). Interracial dating? I’m a first generation and I am considered Canadian, Trinidadian, Kenyan, and American. If I date an African-american male does that make it interracial? Since Indian culture is a huge influence in Trinidad, how about a Trinidadian that has an Indian and Kenyan background (I have met a couple)? Or French-Irish Canadian? And if the definition of African-american means someone with African heritage, are we the same race as Egyptians that compare more to middle easterns or “white” Africans that have made it their home (I have met many in my life)?
The race “african-american” is confusing and too general in its scope of people it has to cover is too vast. Another example, I have friends that were born in African but live in the US and they check the “African-American” box. They are not Americans so does that make any sense? So another question comes up is race just a physical description of your skin color, a reference to your heritage, or culture?
I have dated people that are not same skin color, culture, or heritage as mine and there is a difference in dating customs with cultures and races, but that can be expected. Culture shapes how we are, how we view ourselves, and each other. But one thing I have learned; men are still men. They are good ones, ones that may not be bad but just not good for you, and ones that aren’t good for anybody. If you have bad judgement in dating in your own race or culture it won’t change when you get “jungle fever”.
Great post! This is so true. There is nothing wrong with interracial dating. The problem comes in when people try to act like dating a white woman or white man is a badge of honor. I appreciate your willingness to tackle this issue.
Herculues!! Hercules!! Great write up!! I am tired of hearing the lame excuse besides love for dating a person period!(not just interracially)
Gotta snag this one for the Hall sir, this is something that we need to keep shouting until we drown out all the absurd posts out there about “8 ways a White Man is better than a Black man for dating” and garbage like that. I would love for the other side to speak out on this stuff too tbh, many times when these ignorant arguments come up the white man/woman is depicted as a docile, go-with-the-flow type of force that will accept anybody… nobody I know is like this. That’s as offensive as the flipside (us lazy, good for nothing, opinionated black men with illegitimate kids), I am finally seeing many Asian women speaking out against the docile, kitchen championing, fetish stereotype that we’ve placed on them so I am ready to hear all the blondes step up and say “whoa wait a second, we’re really not that easy”.
Being a prejudiced person or a racist only changes with exposure and education but the great white buffalo stereotyping of an entire race or culture will only vanish if that particular culture speaks up too. Until then people will continue to swear all —- men or all —– women are better than their own cause they have good credit and will toss your salad.
Man your old school movie references are always on point but damn they make me feel old!
You know you are always welcome to repost some of my stuff over at the hall! LOL! But man the reason I always bring up old skool movie references is because there aren’t that many movies coming out that really speak to my intellect
No doubt… nowadays we get Transformers 3.
Thank you for speaking on this, Darryl. Whether you’re black, white, whatever, bottom line, if you aren’t honest with yourself and until you stop blaming others for your troubles, your relationships will fail. I love to see anyone in love no matter who they love. If they didn’t have that opportunity, I wouldn’t have the beautiful family I have now. My neices and nephews don’t see color. They see someone they love and from that love, our family is blessed by their children. And when those children grow up and go off in search of love, I pray this nonsense will be in the history books!
I think. unfortunately that many white partners in interracial relationships(articularly females) LOVE to encourage their lover to disrespect other Black people. Many Black men who date white women are given the VERY CLEAR message that they will face dire consequences if they dare to show any sort of positive attention or respect for Black women. I see videos online by white women claiming how much better they are than Black women. I see essays detailing what the white woman perceives as the flaws in Black women. This is all done because many of these white women are extremely jealous of Black women.
Now, I have to make this clear: I am a white woman and I have been dating Black men for most of my dating life. However, I follow the adage that I want someone to date me DESPITE my race, not BECAUSE of it.
Many white women have this attitude that they LOVE when a Black man disrespects Black women, and they take it as a positive when a Black man says he only dates white women. See, now I am always reluctant to get involved with anyone who claims to date white women exclusively, because 9 times out of 10 he is very disrespectful towards Black women, and that is not acceptable inmy opinion.
Joanna I give you the highest respect for making that post. I can honestly say that I have never heard the details of interracial dating from the significant other of a person who disrespects their own. I can imagine the courage it took to share that. Thanks.
Truth! We can’t generalise racial behaviour
I see nothing wrong with dating out side your race. But I do have a issue with black men who disrespect black women because you came from a black woman. And nine out of 10 if you have kids that hate for us is pass down to them. Which only starts a new generation of self hate. I belive if your dating that person for the right reason than your opinion but why you dont date black women doesn’t matter if so in love you wouldn’t have time to voice that.
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