Before I go into my introduction for this weeks guest post. Make sure you head over to Soultrain.com and peep two articles I have written over there “Internet Killed The Radio Star” and “Capitalism and the R&B Group”. Now down to the business…
We all have heard of the saying opposites attract or people say that someone completes them. We many times miscalculate what the ideal of compatibility is. Is it the idea that the person will like everything you like? That is not necessarily the case because you will not find a person that will like Sardines, Rage Against the Machine , Asian Porn, Desperate Housewives, and the Cincinnati Bengals as much as you do(see “Soul mates or Just a Mate”). But what is the idea of compatibility and what does it truly mean in the idea that opposite can come together and make a great mix. This week’s guest post from writer and author L. Chantay post dives right into this idea. Enjoy and as always show her some comment love.
_________________________________________________
While opposites may attract, I am prone to believe that people fair better in partnerships in which the parties are more alike than not. Whenever I say this in the presence of people in subpar relationships with partners that are drastically different, they always say how the other person makes them better, but they spend more time complaining about their partners than praising the ‘good affect/effect’ taking place in the midst of the relationships, which in my opinion is contradictory. I personally don’t bash or complain about anyone I attribute my being a better person to. I am basing this off my observations as well as my own personal experiences.
Like-minded people validate each other’s beliefs and views. Because of this, there tend to be fewer arguments. People in relationships with their opposites spend more time compromising and trying to find neutral grounds. I have spent quite a bit of time in the presence of couples that are quite different. The outgoing ones complain about their partners not ever wanting to go anywhere or do anything. The homebodies wish their spouses would sit down somewhere and just enjoy the comforts of home. The sexually adventurists or those with high libidos whine and complain about their sexually lackluster counterparts.
Maybe there is something to be said about intuition and chemistry. When I first met my ex-husband I did not like him. Nothing about him caught my attention. He begged a mutual friend of ours to give him my number. There was no initial chemistry, but a relationship was born and bred out of mutual boredom. We were polar opposites. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that he was an Aquarius and I a Virgo. We seemed to bring out the worst in each other. Years after my divorce I entered another relationship with a new guy. I shall refer to him as Mr. Flighty. When I first met Mr. Flighty I did not like him, either. Maybe because he was a Gemini? He was flighty, and I am grounded. I immediately got the sense he was selfish and full of himself. My mother thought I might like him if I gave him a chance. I should have gone with my intuition. We spent so much time arguing we had little time left to really get to know one another. Then there was the uber handsome older guy, King of Calm. Initially upon meeting King Calm I knew that we would have something. I instantly liked him and knew absolutely nothing about him. Our relationship was one born of mutual goals, understandings, wants, needs, and aspirations. We were and are so in sync it’s almost telepathic. Our minor differences mesh well and encourage growth, both individually and as a unit. We are both calm, laid back, and ponder the mysteries of life. Talking to him is always like speaking to the other half of my soul. Everything about this relationship is effortless and natural. We’re both Earth signs; he’s a Taurus.
I am going to go out on a limb here and hope not to get stoned by saying I believe 
women set the course for the relationships. That being said, I also believe the woman will know before the man whether or not she has found her natural mate. Men are more visual, whereas women, in my opinion, tend to be more intuitive and accurately discerning. Not all women, but most.
Relationships consisting of opposites often have a dynamic fiery start full of passion, but they rarely ever make the long haul peacefully. I dare not say these relationships don’t work; I am merely suggesting that we exist and co-exist better with kindred spirits. While opposites attract, birds of a feather flock together and some even mate for life.
You can check out more of L. Chantay with her brand new Book “Exotic Simplicity” and her blog “Exploring the Queen”
Related articles
- Improve Your Appearance – Do Not Change It (halloftheblackdragon.com)
- Darling, Why Do We Hurt the One We Love? (loveimpact2012.wordpress.com)
- What Do We Look For In A Woman [HE SAID/SHE SAID] (coedmagazine.com)
- Opposites Really Do Attract! [PHOTOS] (hellobeautiful.com)
- Ladies, If You Don’t LOVE Your Body You’re NOT Ready To Be In A Relationship (thisisyourconscience.com)
- Dear Caesar……Why Am I Single? (writerzblockblog.wordpress.com)
- A Relationship Doesn’t End When You Catch Them Cheating – It Ends When You SUSPECT They Are (thisisyourconscience.com)
- Bougie Bachelor Chronicles – “This is like work!” (blacknbougie.com)
- Boring Relationships: Everybody marries the wrong person? (godmenandmoney.com)
I actually believe you are on point with your suggestion that mates that have more in common tend to last longer that complete opposites. But I think there is a beauty if opposites can understand each others ways and create understanding. Its more of a challenge but from the results you will learn anther being unlike yourself. When so much is in common its nearly like dating yourself which doesn’t really create a challenge or a new understanding. I feel that it just depends on how willing both mate are in learning the nature of their partner.
Great post! I think we need o really evaluate th spirit of the person we deal with…some men and women just don’t understand the sharing pf spirits
I totally agree with this post!! I swear I was telling a chick the other day we don’t sex enuff and you aint that smart even though you fine as hell!…we aint compatible son!
Great post as I knew it would be. I think people pick their opposite because its more of a challenge. As crazy as it sounds, some people crave drama. Be it relationship, friendship, or work. I’m at an age that I’m all about peace. Opposites can offer me nothing
Good read, Chantay.
I had gotten so far into the personal side of your stimulating post that, for a minute, I forget the initial question being asked.
Like yourself, I believe that opposites do attract.
And while it might result in a passionate love affair, as most attracting opposites do, give me the everlasting friendship offered towards one’s heart & mind through the kindred spirit.
I totally agree with you thought! Kindred spirits attract better to me and have more stability… I’ve noticed this in all of my relationships! There’s NOTHING like PEACE and knowing that someone GETS you, what you’re about, who can support you and encourage you and visa versa! It just keeps down a lot of confusion when the parties involved are on the same page…
Great perspective. I’ve never looked at it that way. Especially when you used the saying: “Birds of a feather” to refer to relationships as well.
“Relationships consisting of opposites often have a dynamic fiery start full of passion, but they rarely ever make the long haul peacefully.”
You couldn’t be more right! There is an inherent desire within us for what the Germans call “gestalt,” completeness. In opposites attracting relationships, each sees in the other what he or she lacks within one’s self. The passion of such relationships, the secret desire to merge with the opposite to affect perfection, breeds a passion that cannot be matched by people with more compatible mates. However, the inevitable friction often dooms the relationship over he long haul just as you state. However the embers of such ill-fated love never entirely extinguish. A prime example of this was Desi and Lucy Arnaz, two seemingly totally incompatible people on a personal level. After their divorce, Desi married one of Lucy’s stand-ins. Although happily married for many years to a man much more compatible, she cried out for Desi on her death bed.