The Marcus Graham Chronicles: She is my Bad Habit

The Marcus Graham Chronicles is my personal journey of dealing with love and relationships. It is called the Marcus Graham Chronicles because of my affinity for the movie “Boomerang” and how the main character of Marcus Graham relates to me as the “black professional” man. You can check out earlier posts in this series HERE.

Throughout this journey of the Marcus Graham Chronicles you have seen me introspectively look at myself when it comes to  my own personal relationships. Just as Marcus Graham in Boomerang had to look at himself and realize what he want he really wanted out of a lady I have done the same. I have previously wrote about the concept of “Why I Love Jacquelines” but this post will dive a bit more into the addiction one can have for another person. I will go out on a limb and say this but I have what Maxwell song called a “BadHabits”. Yep….this woman is my Bad Habit.

I was conflicted about even writing this post considering my “Bad Habit” subscribes to my blog(how often she reads it I guess we will see right?)

Marcus Graham’s “bad habit” was Jacqueline Broyer(Robin Givens) so much to the extent it became destructive to not only his personal life but his professional life as well. Marcus puts the relationship he had with Angela Lewis(Halle Berry) and his career at lady Eloise on the line because of his “bad habit”. No matter how much Jacqueline was not good for him it was something about her that kept pulling him back in. Marcus had to figure out a way to break this bad habit of a woman to be able to get what was in store for him in his life and move forward.

My personal “bad habit” is somewhat different from Marcus’ situation but it is a great backdrop of where I am going with this post.  Have you ever been off and on with someone who because of that relationship always confines your future relationship maturity?

Raises hand! ( I aint the only one either let’s not front)

My “bad habit” has been an off and on again relationship that lasted over a 7 year period. We have been friends longer than that but the concept of this “bad habit” I didn’t even realize until I sat down and really thought about it. We would mess around continuously off and own. She would come visit me( and vice versa) and go on trips and then after a few months we would fizzle out and go to just being cool. We would both get into relationships and coincidentally (or uncoincidentally not gonna front) we would both be getting out of a relationship. And we would keep this repeat of wash, rinse, dry going.  We don’t even talk about the previously relationship we were in too much we just pick up like a lover was on an extended European trip and finally coming back home.

This “bad habit” situation was so routine that my brother has even said to me “I am surprised you haven’t made your annual trek to (insert city here)”. Honestly this “bad habit” is one of the only women I can say I really loved even to the extent of talking marriage at some point.

*I know I know please quit throwing tomatoes studio audience*

One day I was looking in the mirror(literally I was) and was like if I am going to keep growing to another level I have to let go of her because is my “bad habit”. When I say “bad habit” I am not talking about her in any disparaging way it’s just that a relationship like that with no stability can stunt my romantic relationship growth. Her ever looming presence keeps me from being 100% invested in any woman. It’s like a drug that euphorically gets you on this emotional, mental, and sexual high but when you come down you realize it may not be the best thing for you in the long run. I found myself standing still many times waiting for her and thinking maybe this time when we get together that it will be for good. I know she takes advantage of the situation and the comfort of the relationship safety net. She has even drunkenly told me that she knows that no other chick can have my heart like she does and that she knows she can come back and we will be ok ( I was drunk too and just laughed but it was still an ironic/braggadoscious  statement).

There is a scene in Boomerang where Marcus is telling Jacqueline that she has ruined his life by stringing him along and playing with his emotions(which ironically he has done for a long time himself). Jacqueline says a line that sticks out and was one of the most poignant things said in the film. She says “I didn’t ruin your life. YOU ruined your life.”  The reason it is a dope line is because YOU can control who you are with and who you decide to be with. If you choose to let a person you are with be deconstructive to anyway then you are choosing to let that person “ruin” your life.

I am responsible for my happiness not someone else. It isn’t fair to future women if I continuosly allow her to come in and out my life and let her be like the Death Star looming my relationships. I love my “bad habit” and will always have her back but I have to let it go if I am going to be able to move forward in development. Me and her haven’t rekindled our romantic affair in a long time and I am cool with that because it is the best thing for me and probably for her as well. I guess I won’t be gaining those annual frequent flyer miles as much because I am cool with letting go of my “bad habit”…

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21 responses to “The Marcus Graham Chronicles: She is my Bad Habit

  1. You went real personal and deep on this one. I thought it was gonna be simpish at first but you really laid out some shit I even think about on this one. Damn now you got a dude thinking!!

  2. WOW. I am sittinghere reading your article SPEECHLESS. This is…amazing. It has helped me see what has happened in my own marriage with my husband and this mistress that I call “toxic”. He probably looked at her in the same way. WOW. GREAT, GREAT article!

  3. Four people were reading this over my shoulder and everybody gave the “I know thats right!” We all have people that we just can’t seem to say no to no matter how bad or even toxic they may be for us. I was in a relationship for 4 years with someone who I KNEW I wasn’t supposed to be with, but at the same time I felt like she was “my one”. If that makes any sense at all. We’re far removed from each other but every time an email comes through the “what if” air pours into the room. Marcus just could not say no to Jacqueline. Like he was telling his boys’ in the health club “she’s just that bad”. He’s seen and been with finer women, but he couldn’t shake her. The ironic thing is that these bad habits we encounter make us feel so good about ourselves.. Good write!

  4. Excellent! Bad Habits…yeah…ive had a few of those. What is it about the habits that we know are BAD…that holds us? Is it the desire to change the outcome of our addiction? Or is it that its just that good? Or bad?

    I dont know…but I know this was a great post!

  5. Digg, you’ve done it again…………….Great Post!

    Just not sure if the woman I settled down with………..IS a Jacqueline or an Angela…………….she shows both sides……..I’m just sayin’…………..

      • From what i am gathering from his series that it is hard to be both. Either you are genuinely giving person or your a person selfishly about yourself. giver vs. taker basically

        • Actually Big Bank, that’s a good point, it’s hard to be both. But just like everyone has the capability to do good and also evil, (I believe) some folks also have the capability….to being able to show both sides, almost simultaneously (some say it’s bi-polar). One will eventually overthrow the other; but until then…….the person perpetuating the internal conflict…..struggles with the internal conflict…..I’m just sayin’..

  6. I really appreciated this post. It makes me wonder how many men I have been involved with never fully let me in because they had bad habits looming around. I LOVE that Maxwell song, BTW. One of my faves.

  7. AGREED! YOU are in control of your emotions…no one else. So if you let someone get you mad…its becuase YOU ALLOWED them to have control over….YOU! Great Job D!


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