Caught The Garter, Now What?

This past weekend I finished the finale of my wedding summer with the wedding of one of my best friends from college in St. Thomas, Virgin Islands. It was a beautiful wedding but the weekend was one reminiscent of the Martin episode of “Chilligans Island” That is a future post for a different date. If you have been an avid reader of this blog you know I wrote about the pressures of marriage in my post “The 27 Dress and 27 Tuxes Complex”. In the post I talked about the complexities of marriage and how society accidentally or inherit puts pressure on us to get married and live the prototypical “American Dream”.

Well after ALL of the weddings I was in this summer and weddings I attended one of the most dreaded things happened to me…I caught the damn garter belt!! Yeah, I know right? The garter belt is something that I have been able to dodge for as long as I know. A matter of a fact I think my record against the garter belt was 11-0.  Anyway though I was set up to catch the garter belt by my boys I succumbed and accepted the fact I now possessed the garter belt. I settled into it so much that I even wore the garter belt on my head the rest of the wedding reception.

In actuality I don’t believe the garter belt has anything to do with me getting married anytime soon because I control my OWN destiny not a garter belt. But, I can’t even front the incident did get me thinking a bit more deeply about the idea of forever with one woman. After sitting around the weekend on the beach and dodging the many daggers of Chilligan’s Island (aka Sugar Bay Resort). The conclusion I came to is that I have no problem with being with one woman long-term but within that I will have to hold on to certain ideals so that I can truly be happy in the relationship.

What do I mean by this?

Well, I know a lot of men who are married obviously as many weddings I have been on over the past few years right? Anyway there are some men who cheat within their marriage that’s all good I don’t judge them for what they do its part of the game as many will say. It seems that many of us (women particularly) are ready for marriage just because we can conceive the notion in our mind that we are ready for marriage. Do you even know what is needed to really please a man? Do you even understand what it means to encompass the love of your lady?

Things always evolve and change within a relationship so just because the guy/girl you are dating now who doesn’t do all the “things” you want doesn’t mean the relationship won’t be great but we also have to be real with ourselves on some level. Many men and women marry for various reasons from financial, emotional, and even ego. I think the major goal one has to work on for marriage is to be intertwined with their mate emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

I suggest we all ask ourselves this question:

What are we really willing to deal with if you are going to do this marriage thing? I am not talking about petty things either like he doesn’t leave the toilet seat down or she isn’t “in tuned” to know that you like baked cookies every Friday. I am speaking on the essential things at your core that you need.

From the male perspective what I have gathered is one reason that some men cheat is because of some very inherit value that the woman didn’t posses that they really wanted within a relationship.  I know women who have felt the same but felt it was “the right” time to be married. I am not saying simple things cannot be corrected because there are many general problems of every human being. I am talking about those things YOU know will not lend to the relationship being healthy and fruitful.

For instance, personally I am a cat who holds a high premium to a woman with high intelligence that can talk about anything (because I will go on so many tangents but I always come back to the mic) I know I can be cold and laid back guy but, I am a very affectionate person and value intimacy in a relationship (kissing, hugging, sexing, spooning. etc). Now the question is can I deal with a relationship where the woman didn’t deem that is a premium? Can I deal with a woman who isn’t at my proverbial “high intellectual” standards? Of course I can but the question that many of us have to ask ourselves will this game of ignoring the things the inherently keep us happy in the “forever ever” scenario? There is a clear difference between a preference and a priority. A preference being a chick with long hair and a fat boonkie. A priority is some one who is genuinely a beautiful spirit.

I know in my post “When Are We Going to realize Marriage Isn’t For Everyone” and the tongue in cheek post “Marriages Should Be Like NBA Contracts” that I have went hard on the concept of marriage. The truth of the matter is I am not against marriage but damn sure am not down with getting married in any time period or just because my age or her age is right to get married. At the end of the day before I take that plunge I want to make sure the person I am with some one who is in tuned to my wants as well as I am with their wants. I understand the aspect that no one will like Little Brother, Alexander O’Neal, Star Wars, conspiracy theories, Iowa State and Sushi like I do but there are some things we have to be real with ourselves about what we want out of a relationship let alone a marriage.

The reason I started the Marcus Graham Chronicles introspectively going into myself and realize the things I have done wrong in the past, what I need to understand about myself and the woman I date so I can be the best man possible for some woman. I understand that when I feel I am not getting those core things I start to mentally check out of situation hence the idea of the Chronicles. I am working to find a balance between acceptance and desiring the things I want out of a relationship. Then the flipside of the coin is I have to learn how to be able to understand a woman just as much. Understanding oneself I think is tantamount to finding that long-lasting relationship. The picky part of me is duly noted but at the same time we all need to have a deeper understanding of what we want if we are  going to be talking about this “I Want to Be Married Thing”.

I understand this is a rant but dammit its my blog…

Let Me Know What You Think About Our Wants and Desires??

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7 responses to “Caught The Garter, Now What?

  1. I wish I could click like on this 4 times! Great post D! Who would know you could really think this deep about marriage…lol

  2. Yes, I have a good record for dodging that damn bouquet. Lmao..I have a feeling I’m more of a Pam…lol

    This is a great post…I’m still trying to figure out what I want. I think I pretty much nailed what I don’t want.

  3. Dude you went in on this one!!! Especially the evolution statement. Or how I like to say “the cake isn’t don’t until its done no matter how eager you are to eat.” All in due time. But the key point that I took away from this is that no matter how much you may want to get married, you have to be tuned into “willing” to meet that persons wants and desires. Good write broham!

  4. Love your posts D… keep up the great work…

    Mean while, I completely agree with your rant in its entirety. Far too many of us seek a “good man” or “good woman” or for all matters believe THEY THEMSELVES are the “good man” or “good woman” …but have yet to sit back and tie it all together when it comes to the marriage concept…. in question ask themselves… “Will I be a good PARTNER.”….. and in all actually half of us will not be. We get so caught up with society and what they feel deems to be the right time for marriage ( Especially black women) with the latest craze having us contemplate whether or not we will get married at all, or whether or not we will be able to marry within our own race and have that marriage be successful. Who comes up with this bullshit!??

    Anyway…what im trying to get across is far too many of us are ( yes women– sorry sistahs to hit you over the head but its true) need to get this notion out of their head that if I dont get married or find me a good successful brother the world is over! Yikes!!!! If you really believe that you are in way more trouble then we all suspected…

    Try this instead….. Work on you, have a better understanding of what it takes to make you better and your life better. You will never ever be able to share the better part of you if it is not stable.

    Spend time with the opposite sex and not in a relationship aspect. Have conversations with your best guy friend or gal friend and find out what that person regards in respect to a successful relationship and making it work… that means breaking down barriers of communication. I guarantee if you can do this in a platonic relationship with the opposite sex, you can do this with your partner. Its funny how alot of us express wants and desires before marriage and then never follow through with it… no harm in trying it before hand.

    Also how about we start with encouraging stable and healthy relationships and marriages versus listening to media pushing co-habition… ..

    Just a thought :-)

  5. So, I get where you’re going with this. As a single woman who’d like to be married one day, I’ve started working on myself being the type of wife I’d be proud to say I am. It starts before the relationship because I don’t want to be a rep of who I’d like to be, I want to be just ME and already have wife-like habits. I’m a work in progress, and I gotta get my kinks out before I can truly say I’m ready for “forever ever.” Another nice thought provoking post homie :)

  6. Droppin jewels here bro! Is it okay if one of my demands is head twice a week? Is that a lot for man to ask for?

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