Images and perception are everything in this world we live it. One main thing that has been proliferated throughout our society is that people (particularly women) need to wait till marriage to have sex. We have seen so many images of virginal ideals depicted throughout history through religion, movies, books, and even Father’s, fearing their daughter will become like one of the freaks they had tossed up back in ’77.
A few years ago during the Bush Administration there was a major push by the Conservative Christian section of society. They began pushing propaganda – being a virgin until marriage. Instead of teaching and educating teens about sex they wanted to them to practice the opposite of Nike…”Just don’t do it”. Now, I understand the need for teenagers wait on having sex, BUT, for an adult, that has to be one of the dumbest things they could agree too. Having sex with your boyfriend or girlfriend before marriage should not only be a part of the relationship, it should be near a damn requirement to qualify that person as marriage material.
There was an article on CNN entitled “Why Are Young Christians Not Waiting Anymore?” (shout out to Eddie Holman for pluggin me with the article). The article discussed young Christians who had given the virginity pledge, yet went against the pledge as they’d gotten older and started having sex. It brought up that waiting to have sex before marriage (this was/still is directed towards women – at the end of the day hegemonic order rules and most men aren’t attacked for breaking it) was more present in a time when people were marrying at 13. The problem we have today is that the average marrying age in America is over 30. So, you expect a dude/chick to wait till then to get some?…C’mon son.
The funniest thing is the same people who want to tell others to not have pre-marital sex are people (who 9 times out of 10) that had a few Richards and Noncies on their resume in their past. Sarah Palin and Glen Rice come to mind… I hear many men tell their daughters to stay as virginal as possible but condone their boys to sow their wild oats. It’s hypocritical as hell but its understandable – men don’t want their daughter to be the Freaky Lisa who used to suck him off after his flag football games in college. But, will her refusal to participate in per-martial sex be the best for herself or the man she’s dating?
Like I stated earlier, I’m not condoning or promoting teenagers having sex. But, for grown-ass men and women I don’t see why there should be a questions about it. Yes, a relationship isn’t all about sex, but seriously, let’s take notice of the elephant in the room people. Sex is a very important factor of a relationship. Most marriages break up because of finances and sex. Think about this – most of the time people cheat because of it. Being with someone forever and the sex/intimacy being sparse or wack is one of my personal fears - it should be one of yours too. It’s true that perception is everything. One person can be the best someone has ever had, while the next person could think they’re like a 40-year-old-virgin in the sack.
Here are three reasons I think not having sex with your partner before marriage is a setup for failure:
Sex is the ultimate form of intimacy…don’t you want your partner to be good at it?
Picture this – you’ve just gotten married and it’s your wedding night. You and your partner get down to the consummation and you realize, well, they’re wack as hell in bed. Not only are they wack the first night, but wack over the next 5 years. O_O Imagine they don’t even want to have sex most of the time. They’d rather play Call of Duty or watch a marathon of Basketball Wives. Now you’re thinking the person you thought was sooooo great…isn’t that great. Feelin’ like you bought a Mercedes-Benz only to find out they have a Yugo engine. What if they don’t have the passion you do? Does that not complicate your marriage some? Some of those small arguments become a little more heated now because you aren’t being physically satisfied. There is only so much romancing and trying you can do with someone who is ill-equipped to satisfy your needs. You would have known this during your dating time if you had already had sex with the person and had “Your Moment of Clarity”
There can be a direct correlation between sex and a person’s true relationship personality
I’m a big believer of looking at person during sexual interaction because I think this is somewhat reflective of how they’d be in our relationship. From my experience, I can directly correlate how much a woman is willing to give in a relationship (with me or without me) from her sexual interactions. During sex is one of the few times a person is striped down (literally and figuratively) and you can really see their passion and desire. Does the person give you their all during sex? Does it feel like they are holding back? Do they even want it?
Will they juggle your balls on the ride home? Does he refuse to go “Downtown” and only let’s you go down on him? At some point you would think that person would want to give their all to satisfy the one they love, so what guarantee is it that will be any different when you are married? Will the person be willing to do anything for you as their mate if they are not willing to do things sexually (within in reason of course)?
There is a scientific chemical make-up that shows compatibility from sex
There is a science to sex outside of procreation – or maybe in connection to it. A woman gives off certain pheromones, particularly when she is ovulating. A man picks up on this and produces a chemical that sends a “bid” out to the woman. The woman’s pheromones then decide if she is going to choose him or not. If she does “choose” him the woman’s chemicals want to intertwine with the man and things get poppin like the south side of Chicago on New Year’s Eve. These chemicals are our natural organic attraction device. During sex both men and women release oxytocin. They can decide, on a chemical level, if we’re going to be compatible. Of course, this chemical makeup isn’t everything as deductive reasoning comes into play, BUT, it does make you think about how our bodies are made and how our body can tell us about compatibility. Also keep in mind, just because you have great sex with Ray Ray from the mailroom doesn’t mean you are totally compatible for marriage either. (Check out some more info on Dr.Veronica’s Blog)
There’s so much that goes into a relationship that it’s easy to neglect certain aspects of it. Now, I’m not saying a person should dismiss someone just because they aren’t putting it down like Lexington Steele or Melrose Foxx. Lol. But, I think, a person who doesn’t believe sex is a big part of compatibility is only setting themselves up for big failure. Everyone should strive to find whatever balance they need out of their life.
At the end of the day a person needs to have their mind, body and spirit quenched by their mate. Getting married, unlike many people believe, will not solve ALL relationship issues.