The Marcus Graham Chronicles is my personal journey of dealing with love and relationships. It is called the Marcus Graham Chronicles because of my affinity for the movie “Boomerang” and how the main character of Marcus Graham relates to me as the “black professional” man. You can check out earlier posts in this series HERE.
I have had no qualms talking about my past relationships in this series and even wrote a letter to me exes that was very personal to me. There are times in a relationship where you can be in a situation where you have to look outside of yourself and understand that everything you do CANNOT be self-fulfilling. I have learned through some self-awareness and assessment that we may need to let a person go not just for ourselves but even more for THEIR benefit. You have heard of the Republican educational program pushed by George W. Bush “No Child Left Behind”. Looking at life I have realized that just like the Republican program (as faulty as its premise was) I have learned to practice what I call “No Dime Behind”.
Have you ever loved someone but NOT been in love with them? I have begun to realize that love is a thing that isn’t always as intense as we want it to be with a person. Those things go through hills and valleys. In a past Marcus Graham Chronicles post “I Need to Like You More Than Love You” I addressed this. But, I am talking about that feeling deep down inside that this person isn’t who you are supposed to be with. It’s like you love them but you aren’t in love with them. I have honestly had this conflict in my mind in relationships and it may have come from my pickiness, impatience, unrealistic expectations, or what I call the Marcus Graham Condition.
Marcus Graham had a bad habit of accumulating women and keeping them around for his ego and personal needs. Marcus got himself into a place where women were nothing but an assembly line of mental and physical pleasure for him. They never talked about the back story of Marcus’ past relationships but let’s assume that Marcus DID care about some of the women. Marcus never took any of the women’s feelings into account he always felt that he was simply dating and that the game was the game. I wholeheartedly believe that everyone is responsible for their own happiness. No one has a right to make you happy except for YOU. With that being said a person can only do what you allow them to do to you. But, there can come a point where you may have to let a person go because you want them to go but it is the BEST thing for them.
Love is something that cannot be quantified with words it just is. You ever are in love with the person or you’re not. e. I have had situations where I have loved someone but I knew deep down inside they were not the right person for me or that I wasn’t ready for that person at that point in my life (for various reasons). In a Marcus Grahameseque fashion I kind of let the relationship ride its wave going through the motions knowing how I really felt. I kind of let the relationship play out knowing that I was putting the woman through more than she needed to go through because I knew I didn’t want to be with them or wasn’t at a certain space mentally to be with them at that point in my life. The more damning thing about this is that I know this woman was a quality women or “dime”. Marcus like many of us go into a situation like the Bishop Don Juan told me “You weren’t in love just your pride was hurt”.
There is no reason to continue toil with a woman’s heart knowing that it she may not be the one or you may not be in the space to be that man. What is the point of stringing the person along knowing we know this isn’t the best space for us right now? Now there is a thin line between just not wanting to go through the good times and bad times. But, letting the person go gives them an opportunity to find that person who will take them to that next level where we can’t or don’t want to take them now. It can get confusing because it can hurt and really takes some soul-searching because you really do love them. When you do practice “No Dime Left Behind” it may look like selfishness to them but you are actually doing it for them. There is no need to scar the person taking them through changes and bullshit just because you want to keep them around. You can end up ruining them for the next brotha. Even if they don’t respect you for what you did you will know that you did the right thing not only for yourself but for THEM.
I am going to take part of an analogy from the late great comedian Patrice O’Neal but flip it my way for this post. It is like being a fisherman who casts their rod into a lake and catches a fish (woman). Some take pictures with the fish as a trophy of catching it and throw it back into the lake. There are others that end up staying on the boat on for a longer time as we make our way around the lake (relationships). Now while we are on the boat we may look at the fish, check it out, weigh it, its scales, and look at its potential for tenderness to cook. The fish is pretty, weighs a nice amount, and probably will be a great dinner, but it’s something about it we don’t like about eating this fish or we may not be that hungry. The problem comes in when we keep the fish on the boat too long. The fish become use to sitting in the bucket in our boat or we skin it and cut it preparing to be cook when we know we really don’t want to eat it or not ready to eat it any time soon. We decide at some point to throw the fish back into the water or it gets frustrated and jumps out the boat back into the lake. The fish is all tattered up, unable to swim the same, and loses it’s some of its viability to be caught again because when they get caught again they are too frantic, don’t look, or feel the same on other boats. We as the fisherman have a responsibility to some extent to let the fish breathe and live its life after we get to a point where we know we are not going to eat it.
There are so many ways to live this thing we called life and I am not saying by any means I am a perfect dude because at the end of the day like anyone else…I aint s*** either but I will continue to live my life trying to practice. Like Mase said “I want you to be happy even if it’s not with me”.
What do you think about No Dime Left Behind? Chime in with your thoughts…
- Bougie Bachelor Chronicles – “This is like work!” (blacknbougie.com)
- You’ll Never Truly Love A Woman If You Can’t See The Beauty In Her Imperfections (thisisyourconscience.com)
- 10 Men That Women Should Avoid At All Costs (halloftheblackdragon.com)
- Would You Sign a Dating Contract? Love Don’t Cost But it Should (nwso.net)