If you haven’t already check out the great posts this week “Living in a Material World…” and “Why is There No In between? We Either Niggaz or Kings…Bitches or Queens”. Well, let’s get right into another Open Friday! This week’s email is from a brother who is having a few problems wanting to know if it is time for him to let go. I have normally not included my response in the post but People have asked me to include my responses to the emails. So, I ask the writer of this email and he said it was alright to include my response in this post
What up playa! Like what you have going on here at the site. Got a situation I want to you to weigh in on. I am in my mid 30s and I have been with my lady for about 4 years or so. Things are alright I guess. They are the normal relationship ups and downs. I don’t have any kids but she has a son I have taken in as my own and his like my son. I make sure anything she wants she gets and am always there for her. She is definitely a smart and cool chick and she says I understand her most out of any person she has met in her life.
This is where the problem comes in. I don’t think she really knows and understands me. I think she really does take the kind of man I am for granted. I do almost anything for her but I don’t feel she would do the same. I have told her about many of my problems and issues and she says she is working on them but she never really does. But, she is quick to jump on my back for things and expect them to be changed. Now she is looking at me talking about marriage and in my head I’m like hell nah I can’t get married to you because we barely on the same page. She feels she is ready to be married but she really isn’t when she NEVER listens to my grievance but hers are always worth more. We hardly ever have sex, she spends money just because we have it, seems to not show compassion much anymore, drama, and did I mention we barely have sex. I can’t believe she thinks she is ready to be married. There are certain things you have to get to in a relationship and as a woman or a man. And she is just not there. I do care for her a lot though. She has been pushing it hard hinting every other day to the point where it is my routine daily to hear it.
This is the thing I used to be a big time playa back in my day and when I got with her it was at the right point that I wanted to settle down and I think she may have caught me off guard and maybe I settled with her. The question is how you would handle this situation because I’m down with her but how much is she down with me. I am damn near close to breaking up with her and moving on.
“Ready to Jump ship”
Wow! Where do I start! First off I gotta say this I see you mention sex twice so that must be an issue in the relationship. I understand where you are coming from in a sense because a man doesn’t like drama or bickering but it’s even worse when a man is not getting in. I get that I really do and understand/believe you probably have or are thinking about getting a side chick (which I DO NOT condone but as Chris Rock says “I understand”).
Basically you don’t really want to be with this chick. I don’t know the story so I can only go off on yours. All of these questions probably were raised because she started mentioning marriage(which most women would after four years of a relationship) You probably were coasting along just waiting for things to maybe fall off or a great opportunity to bail out. I would say that you really need to re-evaluate what you want out of life and a relationship and truly see if she correlates with what you. Put all the things you are mad about to side and really sort out what matters to you the most. There is nothing wrong with being real with yourself about relationship like I said in my post “No Dime Left Behind”.
You have to be real with the situation at the end of the day because if she thinks she is ready for marriage there is nothing that you can really do to make her take inventory unless SHE wants to. But, you always have a choice and you have to decide if YOU are ready to married and if you are ready to be married to HER?
Weigh in! What do you think?
- Open Friday: Everything She Missed at Home (ashy2classy.net)
- LET’S GET REAL ABOUT MARRIAGE! Free Test!! (karentarnopolschultz.wordpress.com)
- 3 Sure Fire Ways to Find a “Way Out” of Your Relationship (blackandmarriedwithkids.com)
- Don’t Deny Challenges Exist in Your Marriage (blackandmarriedwithkids.com)
- How to Stay Married for The Rest of Your Life (beyondjane.com)
- Men and the Madonna “HO” Complex (ashy2classy.net)
- 4 Must Have Conversations Before You Get Married (blackandmarriedwithkids.com)