We all have dreams and desire purpose in our life. We embark on many missions to accomplish goals – anything from starting your own business to planting a garden in your backyard. I wrote previously how we have to believe in the “Power of Doing and NOT Trying” but what happens when we let others take away our power of doing? Can sharing too many of our goals be a detriment to us accomplishing them?
About a week ago I had a thought: “What would I do if I knew I couldn’t fail?” And as I sat in my very uncomfortable chair at my dead-end job, blankly staring at my computer screen (like I do when my mind just can’t take it anymore), I pondered my answers while guzzling a Crush orange soda. Healthy, I know. Since that first “ah ha” moment, that question has been buzzing around my head like some irritating, freaky cat-fly with nine lives that just won’t die.
Even if there’s a quiet moment in my busy brain, that question will silently pop back up, like when I’m prattling over the phone with one of my friends, excited about a Bahamas vacation deal I saw at my job that… I can’t even afford. Yet.
Or when I’m taking a bath and longingly think of how amazingly awesome it would be if I made a wooden tub-table with sides (ya know, somewhere I could put a glass of wine and a candle right on the tub?!). Ingenious!
At each of these moments, my bright ideas seem wonderful, shiny and full of possibility – that is, until “reality” sets in via my cynical brain, and/or my well-meaning friends and family. Eventually, undoubtedly, the idea gets flattened under all that pressure.
But, for a moment, humor me. What would happen if you DIDN’T know you couldn’t do something? If you didn’t have someone looking over your shoulder saying yay or nay? I mean, why shouldn’t I create that tub-table, or any of the DIY projects I drool over on Pinterest? If I end up with a horribly disfigured hunk of wood – who cares? Why shouldn’t I be sun-bathing right now in the Bahama’s wearing a skimpy bikini I could/would never wear at the fake beaches here in Chicago?
So I seriously decided to give this further thought – maybe I could reach my goals without telling anyone one about them… If no one knew, who’s to tell me I couldn’t do it? Or worse, so I’ve learned, can be the people congratulating me on the intitial concept before I even start! But we’ll get to that point soon….
Within the past two weeks I’ve come across three different articles that dive into Secret Goals. Ya know, the kind you only share with…well…no one. Except God, maybe…He’s cool. Or whoever you pray to that’s isn’t corporal. Or your bunny Chuck…who can’t talk. But, I digress. Anywho, these secret goals (to lose 20 pounds, start a new career, and stop eating Top Ramen *gasp*) are goals that you set for yourself – without telling anyone else. Yes, this includes all your “friends” on Facebook. Pretty simple eh?
But why do it? Well, there are two reasons:
- Sharing your big ideas with someone and receiving the resulting “positive feedback” is like an orgasm.*fistpump*
- I know, I know. HOW is that a bad thing, you ask?! It’s an endorphin rush that we all, well, mooost of us, probably enjoy. Lol. But here’s the kicker – what happens after you orgasm? You peak, right? Your body gets all tingly and flush, you smile vaguely and your brain does some pretty impressive cartwheels. Then, you come back down from the peak. You’re sated, sleepy, happy and probably ready for a nap.
Yeaaah. Feeling lazy now, aren’t you?
You’ve just received the “high” of accomplishment you get from your peers, so chances are you may be a little less (or not at all) motivated as you were before.
That leads me to the next point.
- Telling someone else about your next big idea robs you of the motivation to execute it.
- When you keep your goal to yourself, you stave off those pre-mature rewarding feelings that would normally only happen AFTER accomplishing your goal.
Peter Shallard, a renowned business psychology expert and therapist states that “When you tell someone about your next big idea, the mental process of visualizing future success convinces your unconscious mind that it’s already happened. It doesn’t fill your body with pre-victory anxiety… It fills it with post-win celebration!”
So I figure the next time I make a new goal (*cough* tub-table *cough*) I’ll hold off on telling all my friends. I mean really, what can it hurt? I’ll start working towards my goal with a no-failure attitude. Once I’ve done it and share that info with my loved ones (and maybe a few peeps on Twitter), I’ll reap the well-deserved props, bask in my post-orgasmic/accomplished glow and start on to the next one…Note: I’m not saying deliberately shy away from sharing EVERY idea/goal with a friend or associate that may be able to help you accomplish it. I am saying, however, that having one goal, that is only for you, can be a motivation into and of itself. As long as it’s not detrimental to your health or your livelihood, where’s the harm? Go you! Reference:
http://www.petershallard.com/why-telling-people-your-goals-is-a-fatal-mistake/ If you haven’t make sure you check out this weeks episodes of the “Straight Outta Lo Cash” Radio Show. This week’s show was called “King Me…King Me!!”with special guest author Terry Bams. You can also subscribe to the show on I-Tunes or listen on your Android, I-Phone, I-Pad or Black berry of Stitcher Radio.
- Ask Na’dean #1: New Years Resolutions & Interracial Dating (aptheblank.com)
- You Don’t Know Me Like That (wisdomismisery.com)
- How to Come Up With New Year’s Resolutions That Stick (therealslimjackson.com)