If you haven’t make sure you check out this weeks episodes of the “Straight Outta Lo Cash” Radio Show. This week’s show “When Will America Just Exhale?” with special guest Eddie Holman IV. You can also subscribe to the show on I-Tunes or listen on your Android, I-Phone, I-Pad or Black berry of Stitcher Radio.
This weeks letter was written in response to this weeks guest post “Some Truth’s Women Don’t Want to Hear“. Very interesting letter where the reader is really having an issue with her life dynamic and men.
I really love your blog and all of the great things you have to say. I read the guest post the other day about things a woman doesn’t want to hear. At first I was very upset at the post but I sat yesterday really thinking about what was said. I am 27 years old and I have three children by two different men. The kids’ fathers are in and out of their lives. Even with all that I graduated from college a year ago and I am working hard to provide a way for my kids even without their fathers barely being around.
My problem is this that I am having a hard time dating men that who are on the same teach or aspirations as me. It seems like every man that I met after they find out about my children they back away from me. I even asked one guy once and he told me straight up that he didn’t want to deal with multiple baby dad situations. I know I made some mistakes early in my life but I do want a good man that has goals and aspirations. That’s why that post yesterday really stung. I want to get married and find a good man. I see all of this other women who are half the woman I could be scooping up great men. What is a woman to do if the men I want to be with don’t want to be with me because of my kids?
This is a heavy loaded question but I will do my best to give you MY opinion. First off I want to commend you for getting your college degree in spite of your situation. I know it can be hard to make things happen in this world let alone with children and wayward fathers. I will definitely say that most men don’t want to talk into a ready-made family situation. The reason they won’t is because simply they don’t have to. There are lots of great women who handle their business that don’t have any children or multiple baby dads. The guest blog though it went hard in the gut it was very correct in a man’s risk assessment situation. Honestly, the choices we make in our past can hurt in our future yours just happens to come in this arena.
With all that being said I will first say that you need to get your confidence up. Yes, you have a handicap that will chase most dudes away BUT it is the cards you are playing with. If they don’t want to play the game with you. Just because you made mistakes in the past doesn’t mean that you can’t move forward and make things happen. Yes, you have multiple kids by multiple men at a younger age but what you are doing now in your life is the key.
Are you confident to walk around with your head high and make a better way for your kids because that is what’s the most important now NOT a man? A man who really wants to be down with you will see that energy coming from you and he will want to be a part of that movement. A woman can be a baby mama and become a wife. The road for you is just going to be different from your counterparts. You can’t live your life worrying about the next man. Oscar Wilde said it best “Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.” But, I ask you are you even ready, equipped, mentally sound and confident in yourself to even accept the good man you want?
Addendum from the guest post writer:
Ok, you need some advice, and the biggest part my cousin left out is: check your friend zone. I’m willing to bet dollars to donuts that while you were laid up with trife niggas you were actively shutting down and stuffing good men in the friend zone where they remain to this day. Plus, think about it: these dudes already know your situation, probably already know your kids, already seen your faults, and they are still sticking around. That right there, in the position that you are in, is EXACTLY what you need, because I still wouldn’t trust what you want (as in, what you actively pursue).
So dive in your friend zone pool, you might come up with a treasure.
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What do you think about this weeks letter??? Chime in With your thoughts!!
- Some Truths That Women Don’t Want to Hear (ashy2classy.net)
- Open Friday: Everything She Missed at Home (ashy2classy.net)
- 5 Dating Tips Men Know But Won’t Say to Women (ashy2classy.net)
- Should I Love My Wife More Than My Mama? (nwso.net)
- Taking Someone As They Are Just Isn’t Enough (ashy2classy.net)
- Spouse, Parents…or Kids: Who Should Rank “First?” (verysmartbrothas.com)