This weeks Open Friday Question is one that many people can and do find themselves in when they mistakenly put someone into the friend zone. But this one has an extra caveat to it. And always you know these are just my opinion on the topic cause I mean what do I know I aint s*** like the rest of the world myself…
Love the site and everything you have going on over here. I have a situation I want you and your readers’ thoughts on.
Well I have a very close guy friend that has been in my life for almost ten years. He has been there for me through the ups and downs and everything. A little while ago I began to realize how much I love him!! We have had a very complicated relationship to say the least. We have been friends mostly because I put him in the Friend Zone. And this friend zone has been very vague in general because over the 10 years we have messed around off and on. I admit that I have kept him at an arms length but I have always loved him. I was caught up in the wrong things I wanted in a man when I was younger but I have realized that he has been the only constant man that has had my back. I have told him I loved him (in drunken calls) but never really said “I love you and want to be with you.”
The situation gets cloudier because he has a girlfriend he has been with for about a year or so. A part of me wants to go after him because I know he doesn’t real love his current girlfriend that much at least from our conversations it doesn’t. I am debating if I should really let it all out to let him know how I feel or just let things be and cut my losses. I really have had this on my mind and heart to go after him. I don’t know what I should do. I really just want him to know how much I love him. Should I tell him how much I really love him?
Wow, what a situation you have here. I am actually torn on this issue in a general case BUT my major contention in your question is how much is it you wanting this guy because he is off the market? Also why did you put him in the friend zone in the first place? Some times as people we don’t feel that we really need something until it’s unavailable or taken away from us. With that being said I really need to think about the consequences or what you want to happen after you tell him. So you tell him? What’s next then?
You have to really ask yourself are you willing to be more than just his friend or are you just like his convenience. I spoke about this once before in the Marcus Graham Chronicles: She’s My Bad Habit. Keeping it real with you maybe you are his. Once again ask yourself why you put him in a more sinister friend zone in the first place since you all have “messed around before”. We put people in what I call the on deck circle. This is basically when someone lets a person wait in the wings to be with them and if the person at the plate hitting doesn’t hit a home run we can always call up the person waiting. Is that what you could be doing? It’s nothing wrong that you did it because we all can or have BUT just know why you may get the reaction you want in return. Really analyze what is going to be your true intentions of continuing to open the Pandora box you all already have within your long friendship. All take into accord what the after effect of this could mean for both of you.
I will also advise you to respect what every way he feels about what you said. The whole point was that you wanted to let him know to get that off your chest. It’s just like an apology you don’t apologize to someone for yourself you do it for yourself to know that you cleared the slate. But, if you are thinking he is just gonna drop his chick and be with you I would caution you to not count on that. After all that thought process of and you still feel the need to tell him….go ahead and let him know!
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- Ask Max: Am I Being Friend-Zoned? (max-logic.com)
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- Is There A Way Out Of The Friend Zone? (pullaheartstring.wordpress.com)
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- Women Don’t Own Love (ashy2classy.net)