Open Friday: I Love Him and He Doesn’t Know

This weeks Open Friday Question is one that many people can and do find themselves in when they mistakenly put someone into the friend zone. But this one has an extra caveat to it. And always you know these are just my opinion on the topic cause I mean what do I know I aint s*** like the rest of the world myself…

Dear Dig,

Love the site and everything you have going on over here. I have a situation I want you and your readers’ thoughts on.

Well I have a very close guy friend that has been in my life for almost ten years. He has been there for me through the ups and downs and everything. A little while ago I began to realize how much I love him!! We have had a very complicated relationship to say the least. We have been friends mostly because I put him in the Friend Zone. And this friend zone has been very vague in general because over the 10 years we have messed around off and on. I admit that I have kept him at an arms length but I have always loved him. I was caught up in the wrong things I wanted in a man when I was younger but I have realized that he has been the only constant man that has had my back.  I have told him I loved him (in drunken calls) but never really said “I love you and want to be with you.”

The situation gets cloudier because he has a girlfriend he has been with for about a year or so. A part of me wants to go after him because I know he doesn’t real love his current girlfriend that much at least from our conversations it doesn’t. I am debating if I should really let it all out to let him know how I feel or just let things be and cut my losses. I really have had this on my mind and heart to go after him. I don’t know what I should do. I really just want him to know how much I love him. Should I tell him how much I really love him?

Thanks

Realizing Love

Wow, what a situation you have here. I am actually torn on this issue in a general case BUT my major contention in your question is how much is it you wanting this guy because he is off the market? Also why did you put him in the friend zone in the first place? Some times as people we don’t feel that we really need something until it’s unavailable or taken away from us. With that being said I really need to think about the consequences or what you want to happen after you tell him. So you tell him? What’s next then?

You have to really ask yourself are you willing to be more than just his friend or are you just like his convenience. I spoke about this once before in the Marcus Graham Chronicles: She’s My Bad Habit.  Keeping it real with you maybe you are his. Once again ask yourself why you put him in a more sinister friend zone in the first place since you all have “messed around before”. We put people in what I call the on deck circle. This is basically when someone lets a person wait in the wings to be with them and if the person at the plate hitting doesn’t hit a home run we can always call up the person waiting. Is that what you could be doing? It’s nothing wrong that you did it because we all can or have BUT just know why you may get the reaction you want in return.  Really analyze what is going to be your true intentions of continuing to open the Pandora box you all already have within your long friendship. All take into accord what the after effect of this could mean for both of you.

I will also advise you to respect what every way he feels about what you said. The whole point was that you wanted to let him know to get that off your chest. It’s just like an apology you don’t apologize to someone for yourself you do it for yourself to know that you cleared the slate. But, if you are thinking he is just gonna drop his chick and be with you I would caution you to not count on that. After all that thought process of and you still feel the need to tell him….go ahead and let him know!

Write in with any question for Open Friday at fromashy2classy@gmail.com

What do you think about this weeks letter??? Chime in With your thoughts!!

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24 responses to “Open Friday: I Love Him and He Doesn’t Know

  1. Mannn this chick like many chicks are playing themselves! How you gonna put ole bpy on the back burner than pop up after you been ran through by dudes who didn’t have your interest at heart and say you love him. I say go ahead and let him know how you feel but like Paul and Oates said don’t be surprised if he says “I Can’t Go For That”!

  2. There is a fatal error in the concept of the two of you as “us”, and that one thing has been the reason why you couldn’t just see yourself with him. He will drop his girl for you, and once you ‘have him’, that fatal error will rear its ugly head again like a blue screen on a computer. You will find yourself in a rediculously murky situation as you try to figure out a way to get rid of him. You will then be responsible for effing up TWO relationships.

    Sounds fun yet?

    Listen, if you haven’t been able to envision yourself in a relationship with this man for TEN YEARS, it’s not gonna happen. Please don’t eff up his happiness because of your fear of being alone. Quit using him as a crutch (because you KNOW you only “occasionally messed around” when you were between relationships. Admit it.) and go find you some happy. there is a man who fits all of your requirements out there but as long as you are using him to fill in the blanks you aren’t going to find him.

    • I took as she passed by a good thing and didn’t realize what she missed. Not that she didn’t want to be with him. Just didn’t know what she wanted. Like in the film Hav Plenty for instance is a perfect example of what I am seeing from this letter

  3. She has to see if she really loves him as much as she says as the author said in response.

    But at the end of the day! If he aint married he still on the market! Go after him if you really love him! Just don’t go overboard with it

  4. ” Some times as people we don’t feel that we really need something until it’s unavailable or taken away from us.” <— Women want what they can't have every day, B! So they wind up pinning for another woman's man and contemplate messing up someone else's happiness under the guise of "he's my boy, I know he doesn't really love her". Not sure how old shorty is, but 10 years is a long time to keep a guy in the "friend zone". And realistically, he has a serious girlfriend now because he gave up hope on you.

    I say be a mature friend and leave this guy and his relationship alone. After all, he let you crash and burn with dudes whose places he might've gladly taken.

  5. I agree with a lot of what Dig said. You’ve known him for 10 years, but you want him now that he’s had a girl for a year – seems suspicious. If you’re sure about this, go for it… But before snatching the guy from his (apparently happy) relationship, make 100% sure you really want him!

    And I do mean *really* think it through. I understand how you feel, but “he doesn’t love her” is a huge assumption to make. You can tell him about your feelings, but don’t do anything drastic unless you’re sure you’d be doing right by him.

    Best of luck and keep us posted on how things play out :)

  6. I usually don’t read anything that has to do with relationships in your blog but I had to this time: Let’s not make this as complicated as it is. I doubt the young lady is in love, just wanting (and possibly, just possibly) lusting over someone that she cannot have.

    This gentleman had 10 years to make a serious move. Can’t we use that as evidence that he isn’t a suitable mate for this young lady?

    • Why are you making it seem like he’s after her? If he has a girl, it appears that he’s already moved on. I’ve seen this play out time and time again. So many women wonder why it’s so hard for men and women to be friends…this is why! Sounds like dude has been real stand up in the past as her friend but she had his heart in her hand and she used it. He was the “Dick in a box”, if u will. So now that she’s done sewing her wild oats (or maybe just aint getting attention like she used to), she wanna open the box and get at ole boy? If I was dude, I’d prolly laugh in her face.

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  18. She knows she fucked up but she just wants to hope and pray that things will work out like the movies do and everything will be happily ever after. She just needs to accept the fuck up and keep it moving

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