The Marcus Graham Chronicles is my personal journey of dealing with love and relationships. It is called the Marcus Graham Chronicles because of my affinity for the movie “Boomerang” and how the main character of Marcus Graham relates to me as the “black professional” man. You can check out earlier posts in this series HERE.
Make sure you check out my guest post on Curly Deviants “Long Hair…Do I Care?”.
When I decided to write the Marcus Graham Chronicles I knew it would be a way for you my readers to get into my personal psyche and share some of who I am and where I am. People have tried to attach me as a voice on relationships and I have always told people my favorite moniker ” I aint S***”. I am not demeaning myself in that statement . I am speaking in the vain of the Cee-Lo line, “I admit, I’ve done some dumb s***. And I’m probably gon do some mo’. You shouldn’t hold that against me though”. What I mean by his is that this series may make people think I have some insightful answers on relationships when really I am just putting my general thoughts out there to free my mind and maybe give you something to think about.
So, I am admittedly somewhat of a cynic. And when I say that I mean it in the true definition of the word not the one we have been accustomed to hearing. A cynic is a person who believes that at the end of the day that we are all motivated by some form of self-gratification. You may be asking what the hell does this have to do with this entry of the Marcus Graham Chronicles? It has a lot to do with the idea of the perspective of love being intrinsic to the person and the situation. Though I don’t believe in all people doing things for self-gratification (because I don’t believe in absolutes) I do feel the majority of us do.
In Boomerang there is a pivotal scene where Angela (Halle Berry) finds out that Marcus Graham (Eddie Murphy) has still been messing around with Jacqueline (Robin Givens). She says a something very poignant to Marcus when he says he is sorry and that he loves her…
What do you know about love? What could you possibly know about love You know, I’m sick and tired of men using love as if it’s some disease you just catch. Love should have brought your ass home last night.
The idea of love is something that we all have said to someone a few times but do any of any of us know what love really is? This isn’t just a question for men because like I have written before “Women Don’t Own Love” either. But, the reason I propose this idea of us (myself included) understanding love. It seems to me that many of us conceptualize love in a conditional form instead of an unconditional thing. If you meet these conditions I will love you are continue to love you. Now I am not saying either is right nor wrong but it is something that I have been thinking about more and more lately.
I have always been the dude who was the antithesis of what most people think or want because that’s always been my nature to go against the grain. With all of that being said I am a simple dude to please. The problem is I found myself making it an excuse for me leaving a situation because the woman didn’t conditionally meet these “simple” things. I am not going to sit here and write like I am some saint who hasn’t stepped out on a girlfriend. Some may look at the situations and say that the stepping out was justified while others will say that cheating is never acceptable. The bottom line is can any of us really love if we have conditions for this love?
There was a woman I was dating seriously for about a year and a half. There were things I disagreed with in terms of our relationship that I was very vocal about (that is another blog post in itself). I got to a point where I felt my voice wasn’t being heard so I slowly started to fall back into The Marcus Graham Condition. Some people have told me that I was warranted in my tactics of the “slow creep”. Was it my conditions on love that made me feel I should step out on the relationship? Though a part of me wonders was I unconditionally loving her or just loving her on conditions. Did I not truly work on the relationship? I am not saying that we shouldn’t have any parameters and just start loving people all wily nilly because I also believe we shouldn’t let our wants and desires go earnestly unheard. But I question myself into understanding how better of my growth as a man and in my relationship acumen I would be if I would have loved a little more unconditionally. Is it that we need to balance our conditions with unconditional love? I feel Marcus at the end of the film was able to find a happy medium between his conditions and what love really is for him.
Why is it that love won’t bring us home to the one’s we say we love? Like I said before I have realized that I make my conditions as simple as they maybe have confided me because I have felt more than rightful in any actions I take because I feel she couldn’t even follow these “simple rules” to Darryl. Marcus amidst this ideal of being in “love” with both Jacqueline and Angela began to realize that he was a conditional lover who supplemented his ego by dealing with both women. Many of us will, have, or are currently doing this in our relationships now. Do we love with conditions? Even though love doesn’t always conquer all like the fairy tales and romance movies suggest we can be learn to be more unconditional with our love. If you really loved someone can love at least bring you home at night?
- I am Marcus Graham…or…”You Don’t F^ Her Feet!” (yourwifelovesme.com)
- The Marcus Graham Chronicles: She is My Bad Habit (ashy2classy.net)
- Open Friday: I Love Him and He Doesn’t Know (ashy2classy.net)
- The Marcus Graham Chronicles: I Need To Like You More Than Love You (ashy2classy.net)
- The Immature-Ass Reason Some Dudes NEVER Grow Out Of Cheating & Chasing New Nani (thisisyourconscience.com)
- What you won’t do for love… A Bougie Bachelorette Chronicle (blacknbougie.com)
- The Marcus Graham Chronicles: Why Do I Love Jacquelines? (ashy2classy.net)
- Ladies, This Is EXACTLY How Your Man WISHES You Would Handle Being Jealous (thisisyourconscience.com)