The Marcus Graham Chronicles: Love Shoulda Brought Your Ass Home

The Marcus Graham Chronicles is my personal journey of dealing with love and relationships. It is called the Marcus Graham Chronicles because of my affinity for the movie “Boomerang” and how the main character of Marcus Graham relates to me as the “black professional” man. You can check out earlier posts in this series HERE.

Make sure you check out my guest post on Curly Deviants “Long Hair…Do I Care?”.

When I decided to write the Marcus Graham Chronicles I knew it would be a way for you my readers to get into my personal psyche and share some of who I am  and where I am. People have tried to attach me as a voice on relationships and I have always told people my favorite moniker ” I aint S***”. I am not demeaning myself in that statement . I am speaking in the vain of the Cee-Lo  line, “I admit, I’ve done some dumb s***. And I’m probably gon do some mo’. You shouldn’t hold that against me though”. What I mean by his is that this series may make people think I have some insightful answers on relationships when really I am just putting my general thoughts out there to free my mind and maybe give you something to think about.

So, I am admittedly somewhat of a cynic. And when I say that I mean it in the true definition of the word not the one we have been accustomed to hearing. A cynic is a person who believes that at the end of the day that we are all motivated by some form of self-gratification. You may be asking what the hell does this have to do with this entry of the Marcus Graham Chronicles? It has a lot to do with the idea of the perspective of love being intrinsic to the person and the situation. Though I don’t believe in all people doing things for self-gratification (because I don’t believe in absolutes) I do feel the majority of us do.

In Boomerang there is a pivotal scene where Angela (Halle Berry) finds out that Marcus Graham (Eddie Murphy) has still been messing around with Jacqueline (Robin Givens). She says a something very poignant to Marcus when he says he is sorry and that he loves her…

What do you know about love? What could you possibly know about love You know, I’m sick and tired of men using love as if it’s some disease you just catch. Love should have brought your ass home last night.

The idea of love is something that we all have said to someone a few times but do any of any of us know what love really is? This isn’t just a question for men because like I have written before “Women Don’t Own Love” either. But, the reason I propose this idea of us (myself included) understanding love. It seems to me that many of us conceptualize love in a conditional form instead of an unconditional thing. If you meet these conditions I will love you are continue to love you. Now I am not saying either is right nor wrong but it is something that I have been thinking about more and more lately.

I have always been the dude who was the antithesis of what most people think or want because that’s always been my nature to go against the grain. With all of that being said I am a simple dude to please. The problem is I found myself making it an excuse for me leaving a situation because the woman didn’t conditionally meet these “simple” things. I am not going to sit here and write like I am some saint who hasn’t stepped out on a girlfriend. Some may look at the situations and say that the stepping out was justified while others will say that cheating is never acceptable.  The bottom line is can any of us really love if we have conditions for this love?

There was a woman I was dating seriously for about a year and a half. There were things I disagreed with in terms of our relationship that I was very vocal about (that is another blog post in itself). I got to a point where I felt my voice wasn’t being heard so I slowly started to fall back into The Marcus Graham Condition. Some people have told me that I was warranted in my tactics of the “slow creep”. Was it my conditions on love that made me feel I should step out on the relationship? Though a part of me wonders was I unconditionally loving her or just loving her on conditions. Did I not truly work on the relationship? I am not saying that we shouldn’t have any parameters and just start loving people all wily nilly because I also believe we shouldn’t let our wants and desires go earnestly unheard. But I question myself into understanding how better of my growth as a man and in my relationship acumen I would be if I would have loved a little more unconditionally. Is it that we need to balance our conditions with unconditional love? I feel Marcus at the end of the film was able to find a happy medium between his conditions and what love really is for him.

Why is it that love won’t bring us home to the one’s we say we love? Like I said before I have realized that I make my conditions as simple as they maybe have confided me because I have felt more than rightful in any actions I take because I feel she couldn’t even follow these “simple rules” to Darryl. Marcus amidst this ideal of being in “love” with both Jacqueline and Angela began to realize that he was a conditional lover who supplemented his ego by dealing with both women. Many of us will, have, or are currently doing this in our relationships now. Do we love with conditions? Even though love doesn’t always conquer all like the fairy tales and romance movies suggest we can be learn to be more unconditional with our love. If  you really loved someone can love at least bring you home at night?

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20 responses to “The Marcus Graham Chronicles: Love Shoulda Brought Your Ass Home

  1. Evolutionary psychology says that in mating, the mate is always the woman’s choice. Always. Ma;es expend huge effort adding the equivalent of peacock feathers so that they can attract the best mother for their children. The decision to be loyal is about keeping the amazing woman as your mate and as the mother to only your children.

    Loyalty is also about limiting chaos and emotional drama.

    I’ve forgotten the plot of ‘Boomerang’ but if you haven’t been chosen by an amazing woman yet, think about focusing on improving yourself rather than finding fault with less than amazing women. More ‘feathers’ increases a male’s chances of attracting a female who will be easy to adore.

    Also, according to evolutionary psychology, amazing women who make great mothers and wives don’t choose disloyal mates. They don’t have to put up with straying and they don’t.

    • That all sounds good but in real life it is nothing farther from the truth! I am sorry that is some ole bs mumbo jumbo. We aren’t like animals we have way more consious thought that that sir

      • Evolutionary psychology should be mumbo jumbo because that would make life much more meaningful. Too much of what we do is subconscious and hardwired.

        I watched the movie again last night and it is a good illustration of evolutionary mating theory. Between his three friends, Marcus is the best example of a highly desirable evolutionary mate because he is tall, funny, well-endowed (!), clever, wealthy, powerful–and he has very symmetrical features. This is what makes him incredibly attractive–to all kinds of women. In evolutionary mating though, his genes are a bit too good because too many women desire him, making it impossible for him to be faithful. Did you believe he would be faithful to Angela? Nah. She scolded him for attracting attention as they walked down the street in the closing scene.

        And Jacqueline was at the top of the female evolutionary chain. She was perfectly symmetrical, athletic, smart, funny, sexually alluring, clever and most importantly powerful–or dominant. Powerful women raise strong sons and daughters because they can teach their children about how power works in the world. That dominance makes them attractive mates for most men because of the chances that the children will learn how to be socially dominant. Note the directors had Angela assume more power and symmetry to win Marcus back….

        J had her fun with Marcus but she didn’t chase him as the father of her children. In evolutionary psychology, a powerful woman with high evolutionary characteristics will choose a mate with one or two more flaws than Marcus–in order to be able to live with less infidelity and less chaos. In this theory, women want the fathers of their children to devote ALL of their resources to their children because that makes the strongest children.

        It’s not lessons of romance in Boomerang but lessons of evolution which catch Marcus by surprise–IMO.

  2. Simply loving this post!! Great way to tie conditonal and unconditional love to this movie. I haven’t watched Boomerang in a while. You make me want to jump on Netflix right now! great post once again!

  3. I just want to say this all fine and dandy but I think you missed the point of what Halle said! A lot of men think it is alright to cheat and deceive women, Maybe its men that don’t understand love! I’m glad you are looking to make changes but most men are going to do “their thang”

    • What man messed up your day? Why put all men in a box like that? Maybe its the men YOU deal with that are wack and not good dudes. Are you perfect or all the way on point? Look at yourself before you get to dissing!

      • No I just understand men! there are a few men who are about honoring a woman but most of the men are all about the women they can bag or have on their team. I am a damn good chick but most of these men out here are NOT up to par!

        • You lost me on your first sentence, Lucretia. You couldn’t possibly understand men when you classify “few men” with honoring a woman and “most” with dishonoring them. You got it backwards. Men (just like women) are people, and that’s like saying…There are a “few” good people in the world; but “most” are NO GOOD…..see my point?

  4. You went pretty heavy on this one! I don’t know if I could put some of my personal life on front street but I do think folks will get something out of this post. The game will always be the game and while I agree with some of the thoughts here. Some men and women don’t hold up there end of a situation. Is that me being conditional? Ya damn right cause some people aint worth my unconditional love…lol

  5. Great Post, Digg….I’ve been silent on a few posts, not because I had nothing to say: but to observe…I agree with some of what Seekette said. The woman (always) chooses the man. The only time we (men) choose the woman is selecting her as a wife…..yes it’s her decision whether or not to accept the proposal….but it’s our decision to propose…

    @Pounder….yessir….the game with be the game….problem is…NOW folks think they can just change the game for their convenience and benefit…..

  6. Meant to say……@Pounder….yessir….the game will be the game….problem is…NOW folks think they can just change the game for their convenience and benefit…..

    My bad for the typo….

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