Before we get into the Open Friday Letter want to let everyone know next month I will be featured by Black Enterprise in their ”Month of the Blogger”. They will be highlighting the 20 Best Black Bloggers of 2012. This is something I’m very proud about and will let you know more info when they drop my interview. I also did a guest post over at This is Your Conscience entitled “If you Love Them…Let Them Go”. Now let’s get into this letter where a woman wants to know how to get the spice stepped up in her relationship.
Dear Dig,
I read one of the Open Friday Letters a few months ago about the woman who was wondering if her man was creeping because she had rationed sex out(The Letter she is referring to CLICK HERE) and I think I am having the same issue she has BUT I want to fix and safe my situation. I am not a moron to the fact that I have cut off sex from him. Call it honestly a combination of me thinking about me and my libido being low. I used to think like the girl in that previous letter but I am beginning to realize how much that means to a man.
My guy and I have been together for a few years and we haven’t talked about it but I think I could marry him. I am madly in love with him. We have our ups and downs but he is the best man I have ever met in my life. The issue comes even in more than hers because I am about 50/50 on the idea that he has some things going on the side with women. I really don’t have much proof but my intuition, we don’t have sex, and he doesn’t really try anymore. he also complained that I wasn’t very compassionate and thinking about his wants in general. He said he has been willing to work with me on the relationship but I know this can’t be long.
I can feel myself losing him and I really don’t want to lose him because of this. I want your and our readers’ opinions on what I should do.
Wanting to Save My Relationship
I want to commend you first off for taking ownership in your relationship having some falter in it. Many times do people take the victim role and not take the onus for their destruction in it. With all that being said I could sit here and tell you to just starting thronxing him more and it will solve everything but there has to be a deeper questions asked by you. Honestly I think there are more issues than sex here…
Why don’t you want to have sex with him? Is there some emotional issue from your past or with him you haven’t dealt with? Do you really love him as you claim? Do you not trust him deep in side? Are you all even compatible if you really don’t want sex?
How do you really know he is creepin? Is it paranoia on your part because you aren’t rabbit dancing with him? For the sake of conversation let’s say that he does have a side chick (ala Bobby Petrino). Then on the other side of the coin as much as I can understand in some cases a man have 
a side situation it’s not the right route to go at all. A man has to ask himself what is the reasoning he has a side chick because if it’s to supplement the other women maybe he needs to use my “No Dime Left Behind” philosophy.
At the end of the day you really have to find out internally what the issue you have first before you can save this relationship because if you don’t want to intimate with your man there is really a problem. there has to be a deeper problem within you him, and the relationship that isn’t being addressed. Do some clear communication with him and some internal soul-searching to try to make things more clearer to you.
But, like I always say I’m just a blogger with flaws myself…
I said my small piece. Jump in! What do you think about this letter
Write in with ANY question for Open Friday at fromashy2classy@gmail.com
It maybe too late because homeboy is probably doing Tiger Woods in the number of chicks he smashing right now
This woman has got to step her game up! She is very aranoid about the situation! She said she isn’t sure he is cheating but its her intution. I am going to give you tough love her but the reason your Intution us kicking in is because you are slacking on your end of the relationship obviously on many levels. You gotta wake up and look at youself like D said or you will lose your man
She need to send Steev Harvey this in a Strawberry letter I know he will solve the problem!!
She has a lot of soul searching to do
Keeping intimacy alive in long relationships is hard work. Hardly anyone mentions that FACT but it is a fact. Keeping a good relationship good takes thought and effort and, guess what, BRAVERY.
So, first, the writer is experiencing a normal problem. It’s normal. She’s in love with a wonderful man but some aspects of the relationship have gone numb. Normal.
Now for the thought and effort and bravery part. Easiest solution to jump start the old feelings is to get away. Rent a hotel room for a night and take your man away for a romantic night. That should prove that nothing is broken.
Two, take your realizations a step further. The physical side of a relationship is vitally important to men. Most men are not bloggers, heh. Not a lot of men like to talk about relationships. Men are wired to communicate physically. If you block your partner from ‘talking’ to you physically, you might as well advertise his fineness on e-harmony. FACT: It is up to you to provide, encourage and promote physical opportunities for the relationship.
Taking responsibility for the physical side is not easy for women. Lots of women shy away from the physical side of a relationship for evolutionary reasons. NORMAL. There is hard-wiring that has to be overcome for the health of a long term relationship. However, it’s not difficult to establish better habits. Start with creating one fun physical ‘date’ once a week. He’ll almost certainly respond with his own effort.
In long relationships, it’s weird how every chess move is matched by your partner’s move. So, even though she will have to be BRAVE enough to be the one to start adding in physical fun, she should find that he will respond in kind–and so on. The more she shows him how much she loves him, the more he will show her how much he loves her. Dunno why it always works that way, but it does.