Damn, I’m A Choosey Lover: The Marcus Graham Condition Redux

Today marks the anniversary of my popular blog series The Marcus Graham Chronicles. Interesting fact is that I was originally going to call this blog The Marcus Graham Chronicles but I decided that it didn’t encompass everything I wanted this blog to be. I wanted to talk about everything from sports and politics to sex and relationships. But, I digress. The Marcus Graham Chronicles series is one where I wanted you the readers to get a glimpse into my personal thoughts, emotions and experiences when it came to relationships. I am very candid and honest in this series about my wrongs, shortcomings, and imperfections. I wanted these posts to be an outlet for people to see the things through my writing that they may need to tweak about themselves to continue to develop healthy relationships.  I was proud to win a 2011 Black Weblog Award for Best Blog Series for this post cause it is some of the most personal and intimate details about me.  Without further ado let’s go back a bit and check out the first post in the series where I break down my  choosiness with women which I coined the Marcus Graham Condition.


Before you read this check out where this madness started… “I’ll Hit But I Won’t Make You Wifey”

Anyone that knows me pretty well knows that one of my favorite movies of all time is Boomerang starring Eddie Murphy. The movie is deep on so many levels (black professionalism, black social images, racism, career, etc.). The movie is misunderstood by many critics. This was because much of mainstream society at the time (1992) couldn’t conceive the dynamic of the black professional. But I digress. I was so addicted to the movie at one point that my whole crew in college had our own slang with terms from the movie.

The main plot of the film revolves around Eddie Murphy’s character Marcus Graham and his trials and tribulations as he searches to find “the one”.  The thing about Marcus Graham is that he isn’t just the normal guy searching for the one. He is looking for perfection.  Marcus is ultra picky when it comes to his women. He is a stickler with everything from intelligence to if she has “hammer time” in her shoe. Marcus excuses his womanly exploits on the women not being up to par but neglects to realize his quench for more “Noncie”(yeah that’s my word for nookie) .  Not to spoil the movie for those who haven’t seen it but the crux of the movie is “For the dog that chases his tail will be dizzy.”

Now you are probably asking what does this have to do with this writer. Well….I suffer from the Marcus Graham  Condition. Please don’t judge me and please studio audience don’t throw any tomatoes at me!!!

I will not say it’s to the extreme of Marcus Graham in Boomerang but I suffer from it nonetheless. Just like Marcus I have a low tolerance for ugly feet on women and found myself nitpicking at women. I would sometimes damn near even be real flighty in my likes of a woman. As my homegirl says “Negro you aint picky you send bitches through a gauntlet.”

The Marcus Graham Condition is something a lot of professional black men such as Marcus Graham are afflicted with. Let’s keep it funky proportion wise there are more professional black women than men. So in many facets we can afford to be picky and thorough in our feminine choices.  Often times us professional black men take advantage of it consciously or unconsciously. Now I am not gonna excuse women for making bad dating choices but I understand the problem nonetheless.

Through soul-searching and self-reflection I realized that my standards maybe too damn high. Maybe my future wifey isn’t going to love The Wire, Blue Moon and Bobby Brown as much as I do. You know what it’s cool that they maybe not have all the things on my checklist. Maybe their hair doesn’t have to flow a particular way or maybe she doesn’t have to be interested in certain books.  I understand that complementing someone is learning from the differences from your mate. I mean really would I want to date a woman who was just as much as an asshole as myself?

I look back on my long and I would have to say “illustrious” time in the dating game (they will retire my jersey when or if I get married) that I have dated many quality women but I can honestly say my longest consistent relationship was a year and a half.  If being in a relationship was like jail time I would be just a repeat offender of drunk driving other many others will have served time with a felony

I am going to take more self-evaluation into my dating choices and maybe not be so hard on women. I am going to work on this damn Marcus Graham Condition I tell ya. But, I know one thing I will never waver on a woman having “hammer time” in their shoe.

Thanks for taking time to go back with me. Check out more in the series “The Marcus Graham Chronicles”

If you haven’t make sure you check out this weeks episodes of the “Straight Outta Lo Cash” Radio Show. This week’s show “Lights, Camera, Action” feat. photographer Teddy Blackett.You can also subscribe to the show on I-Tunes or listen on your Android, I-Phone, I-Pad or Black berry of Stitcher Radio.

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11 responses to “Damn, I’m A Choosey Lover: The Marcus Graham Condition Redux

  1. I ain’t the biggest fan of the series cause it shows your Drake side bit this first one in the series is real as hell

  2. I just think some men will never be satisfied with any woman. Just not a man’s nature to want one woman it feels like

  3. LOVE this series! Its always good to see the inside thoughts of a man because so many men won’t convey what they are really thinking or feeling

  4. The hammer toe is an evolutionary flaw and indicates the possibility of other physical flaws. The qualities of amazing physical ‘beauty’ also indicate good health and good genes.

    Irish men have a reputation for marrying late but otherwise, it might be interesting to know the stats on long-lasting marriages for men who stayed in the dating game for 15 years.

    One thing that happens is that the older fellow loses his attractiveness to (fertile) mid 20 something women. Seems to me that the longer he waits to try to woo a great mate, the harder it gets to convince a spectacular woman to choose him to be her mate. Is my thought, anyway.

  5. Think about this both men and women like the start of a relationship but no one likes to talk about the day to day. Sometimes people just get bored with one another

  6. Aight I don’t think its choosey the real factor is that most chicks aren’t worht wifeying up for whatever reason. I only want to have sex with 96.5% of the women I meet. Its that 3.5% that I will take serious. All of these others are just inbetween chicks

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