Open Friday is finally back again folks!! This week is a very interesting letter written talking about dating while being pregnant. Check it out and don’t forget to chime in with your thoughts…
Hi Darryl,
I just started following you and I love your posts! It’s just rare these days that you hear a black man’s point of view and a POV without someone trying to tell you what they think you want to hear.
My question:
What is your take on men and pregnant women? Is it mostly just a fetish or could someone take a pregnant woman seriously?
I just started a blog about this and I’m dating as an experiment to see how men react but I’m wondering if you have experienced this or had a discussion with anyone who has?
Thanks!!!
Pregnantanddating
First off thanks for coming through to the blog and I appreciate those words from you!!
Now on to your question… I will say for me personally I would think for most men that dating a woman who is pregnant is a fetish thing. Personally I have trepidation with having sex with a pregnant woman (unless it was mine). I just have a metaphysical idea of pregnancy and energy. I believe that another man entering a woman will throw off the energy of the child coming into the world.
Me and my co-host Jovan Bibbs talked about your letter on our podcast “Straight Outta LoCash” and like he said the only reason he could see a dude dating a chick already pregnant is because he likes the idea of being able to go RAW without consequence because you are ALREADY pregnant. Though his tone was comedic it holds up very well nonetheless.
I also think honestly that you shouldn’t actively be dating while you are pregnant. Personally I think the focus should be on the child that is coming into the world. I would say keep your focus on that because honestly not many dudes will take you seriously. Not saying it can’t happen but the odds of a guy taking you serious while pregnant are slim. I just say focus on your seed. You can find love and date after the child is healthy and in a comfortable place.
Now it’s time for you give YOUR Thoughts on the letter?
Write in with ANY question for Open Friday at fromashy2classy@gmail.com
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A couple of thoughts…
1. It’s important and very healthy for pregnant women to maintain healthful sexual relationships throughout their pregnancy, especially during the 2nd and 3rd trimesters.
2. That being said, I would agree that it seems a tall task to find a man that is attracted to you in a wholesome manner and would be committed enough to provide you with a stable, loving, physical relationship.
Good luck!
Oh I know it is healthy but I think a dude sexing a chick who is pregnant that is not his child throws off the chemical balance…I know I sound esoteric but I really think it does
I hear you. And I tend to agree. It takes the right man. And he’s got to be Buddha to get the energy right.
I think, in general, dating a man who is not the father of the child while you’re pregnant AND having sexual relations is probably not a great idea.
Tough to state it as a platitude, though…
Jackson that is not true. They do not have to be a Buddha. When I was preggos with my son, men used to approach me all the time which I thought was weird. But years later I found out through conversations with my son’s barber that men – not all – likes to have sex with pregnant women because she can’t get pregnant. He also said it felt better….I guess.
I have a rule that I will not date women with children under the age of 2 because there are still too many Baby Daddy variables that may still haven’t been worked out. Though it sounds tempting, she should focus on staying healthy.
I am gonna give you some real tough love right quick! YOU NEED TO SIT YOUR ASS DOWN!! You shouldn’t be worried about new dicks right now! Why aren’t you with the pappy of THAT child you have in your wound now? You need to think about that! The only reason a dude would date you is because they want to find out of pregnant chicks pussy is good. Dude aint walking around with you at the resturant and when people ask is that your kid what he gonna say. You are really playing yourself to think a man would put himself in any situation like that…unless he just want some head or pregnant coochie
Maybe she was artificially inseminated without being with a man…it does happen in the black community too.
Hmm, I was looking for someone with a logical response to the issue. That remains to be seen but I dig the whole ‘unseen energy of the world stuff’ in my own way. The issue is you can’t provide evidence on the energy of the child. Secondly, you get with a woman who is a single mother and say the child is 4, then you will change the energy of that child also logically speaking. Maybe the guy who got her pregnant is not much of a man or role model, the point is it doesn’t matter when you step into the picture but the sooner the better. Plus the scientific health benefits coincide with the course of action going for it. Some men like myself who are separated by distance from their own child or ‘seed’ would likely enjoy getting a two for one package and being a father to someone else’s progeny. As for all the superstition speak that is cool for all of yall. If I met you honey I’d give it an open and fair shot. No double standards here.
Man you have to be a miniroty good luck trying to wife up chicks who already have one on the over….smh!!
I commend you brotha because I couldn’t do it at all
Hmmm…wow at some of the comments. Single mother of one chimes in!!
After getting pregnant with my daughter and her dad not being around. I didn’t want to date. I had no intenti0n on dating. My mindset was on what was coming and how things would work on my own. During my 6th month, my ex popped back in my life. After telling him that I didn’t think he would date me because I was pregnant, he told me that he loved me still and didn’t care. He asked where was her dad, and when I told him idk… he took the role and was there for me when I needed him.
I’m thankful to him, and we only had sex once. It was weird we both agreed and decided we should wait until after she was born and that’s what we did. We remained together a while after but decided we were better off as friends, and we still are friends to this day. He is actually her God Dad… so in my situation I found someone who truly cared about both of us.
I wish you best of luck…no judgement. I would offer that you not look to date, but if you find someone special see what happens.
Your situation is totally different. You knew the guy beforehand. She us talking about dating new people and finding someone but difference
I can dig that. I would recommend that she don’t look to date someone but if she did meet someone, to not have sex with him.
I think you should hone in on the kid! You can wait to date in my opinion. But if you do know that mist dudes won’t be feeling it nor do they gave to
How bout actually being in relationship w/ the man who helped you make that baby?? That way you can be comfortable dating, sexing, ect …just a thought. If anything imho you should be focusing on your child and ensuring he/she will have a healthy & comfortable life. I Honestly dnt know any man who would take a pregnant woman seriously in terms of dating, let alone having sex w/ a woman pregnant w/ another mans seed. Fetish?? …more like a weirdo.
When I was pregnant I barely had the energy to cook for myself some days. I was too busy being concerned about getting rest and physically taking care of myself. Then when it was almost time for the baby to come I was too prepared getting ready for the baby’s arrival. I understand that as a human you might have needs, emotional and physical, but once you became pregnant it’s not really about what you want to do anymore. No, it’s not fair that the father is not around but that’s just how it goes sometimes. I don’t think it would be fair to a guy try and be in a new relationship with an already pregnant woman because her focus would be off of him, so I would be pretty leery of their intentions anyway.
My advice to her would be to date responsibly—end of story. A mature man truly interested in her will not immediately rule her out because she is preggers, and I also would support responsible sex. A lot of women – like me—become HORNY as all hell while pregnant…lol. Besides, Mommy’s happiness and health help develop a happy and healthy baby and if companionship — be it with the father or anyone else – makes her happy, then go for it. Life throws in a lot of “Uh- Oh’s” or “WTF have I done’s,” but you have to continue on with your life and learn from them—although I haven’t a clue the issues surrounding her pregnancy. But, I do agree that if there is a father in the picture the first few years can be a little ugly as far as emotions, money, co-parenting etc.
~From an unmarried Mommy who successfully and responsibly dated while pregnant by a very involved and supportive co-parent.
From someone in the medical field, having sexual relations with ANYONE (even the father of the baby) that you’re not 100000% sure is clean and free of ANY std’s is NOT safe for you or the baby. Dating multiple men while pregnant doesn’t necc. mean you’re having sex with all of them, but if you are, and if you catch an STD, you could be risking having a miscarriage and/or having a mentally retarded child. Be careful out there. Even wearing condoms doesn’t protect you from everything, like herpes. And herpes is one of the deadliest STDs to get while you’re pregnant (to the baby).
I broke up with the guy I was pregnant by before I found out I was pregnant. Once I confirmed the pregnancy, I told him and that was that. I had no intentions of getting back with him because I was pregnant. I decided that I would focus on becoming a mother and that is what I did. Until I was five months along and I met my now fiance. I kept him in the friend zone because I was pregnant and I thought that guys don’t date pregnant chicks. To him, he said there was no difference in meeting me pregnant and meeting me with a newborn. He is going to be a presence in my child’s life one way or the other. So we started dating. And I was five months pregnant. And he has been there since then. That was almost seven years ago. We are getting married in September. And my son is his son.
I understand the trepidation with thinking that the unborn child’s father could come back in the picture but honestly, that should be a given. That unborn child’s father NEEDS to be a parent to the child. And that can happen without a sexual relationship with the mother. If the goal is to avoid potential “baby daddy drama” then I’d advise you to date a woman with no children. That is the only sure fire way to avoid it.
Lastly, I don’t believe in the “energy” theory as far as sex goes. I had LOTS of sex in my new relationship. All the way until the end. (TMI, but hey, it’s true).
My fiance said that pregnancy was a temporary condition. And I have to agree with him. If you want to date the woman, her personality, outlook on life, etc. should be what drives you to do so and not whether she is pregnant at the time.
I think pregnant women are sexy. I take them very seriously. Me and my wife have 6 kids. When she was pregnant with all 6 I did everything from a 40 hr week job to cook clean and do everything around house, I got no thankyou. I think she took advantage of me. I still do a lot for her, but I get nothing. What should I do?
People are going to do what they want to do regardless, but I think they should focus on just having the baby and once everything is said and done, then decide then. Once they have a baby, it’s not about them anymore and wanting to date that soon might be premature.
If a guy wants to date a female that is pregnant, then they might want to prepare for everything else that goes along with it. They will be involved regardless and I doubt they realize the responsibilities attached to a new mother having a baby. It will change everything and if they aren’t ready to make that kind of commitment, then I would just be friends and go from there.
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