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This week I should don it as the week of relationship controversy with my post earlier this week on Men and The Madonna Whore complex and this guest post today. What are your thoughts on polygamy? Yeah you know like the HBO show “Big Love” Or even the idea of a polyamorous relationship? Some people think these maybe fringe or archaic ideas but some people are practicing it more than what we may think(some willingly and others unbeknownst to them). Have you thought about this idea? I know you maybe dismissing it and I am not necessarily saying its something I can do (I mean it is hard enough dealing with one woman let alone more than one). This week’s guest post is another one from Danielle Kimberly (@mzaleck) of Missaleck.com and she brings up the points of women considering polygamy in 2012.
Lately, polygamy has been the topic of discussion between myself and my guy besties. Apparently polygamy is not an abstract idea in a lot of men’s minds, in fact it is historical. “Men especially black men aren’t built for monogamy. If we trace back our roots polygamy was common place in Africa. American culture labeled it savage and criminal,” says a 32 year-old film student. Others joined in to his sentiment, “I believe there would be a lower divorce rate and a higher intra-racial marriage rate if more black women would consider the idea of polygamy. I mean the “Sister Wives” situation is real.”
While polygamy is attributed only to foreign nations and certain religious sects we are seeing many marriage couples adapting to “versions” of this ancient practice to keep their marriage alive.Adopting polygamy’s kissing cousin, Hollywood A-listers like Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, Monique and her husband, Angelina and Brad Pitt, Will Smith and Jada Pinkett, Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green embrace open relationships/marriage.
“Black women are always complaining that there are limited black men; however, they never consider that he is capable of taking care of multiple women’s needs. We’ve been historically built for that role. Our sisters need to wake up. They are the least likely to get married.”
Yes, here comes the dismal statistics hurled at a single black women on every possible occasion. However, what good can come out of choosing to “share” our men and husbands with other women?
1. You Can Face The Facts: The hard truth according to The Truth About Deception.com 30-60% of all married couples cheat during some point in their marriage. Will Smith discussed open marriage vs. fidelity, “Our perspective is, you don’t avoid what’s natural and you’re going to be attracted to people. If it came down to it, then one would say to the other: ‘Look, I need to have sex with somebody. Now I’m not going to do it if you don’t approve of it.’” It’s not cheating if you control the parameters. In most cases, Polygamy allows the first wife to choose the next wives. The power to choose is empowering women. It also validates their worth and opinion inside of their marriage.
2. You Can “Have It All”: Women tend to give so much of themselves in marriage and parenthood that often there is a seed of resentment because their dreams and accomplishments are put on permanent pause. In traditional marriages juggling career and married life is difficult. Historically, the argument is that something is going to suffer. Polygamy allows you the time you need to accomplish individual goals and attend to your marriage. As seen on sister wives, each wife has a life apart from being a house wife. They each have careers.
3. You Have Your Own Sisterhood: Polygamy allows for an in-house sorority. There is a bonding experience that happens between the wives which allow them to help each other in domestic duties and parenthood. They understand the ups and downs of maintaining a healthy marriage. They bounce ideas off of each other and turn to one another for emotional support. A major perk is that you have live-in baby sitters on date night! A lot of stress that is common in traditional marriages are alleviated. For example, financial responsibilities are split between 3 or more instead of two people.
4. It Never Gets Old: Because your husband’s time is split with each of you equally, every date is like the first date. Your relationship will never get old or stifling. The nit-picking that most couples experience from spending “too much” time together will not exist in your marriage.
5. He Will Be Faithful: Your husband has several personalities to satisfy, several mouths to feed, and a lifetime of loving to give. He will be too preoccupied to consider cheating. With every woman comes a unique set of needs and desires. Boredom does not have a chance to set in because there is always something new and exciting going on in your marriage.
While I don’t have the stomach, patience or liberal psyche to consider polygamy there are some interesting arguments for the affirmative. Is it time single ladies consider a polyamorous relationship?
- The Perils of Polygamy (thepublicdiscourse.com)
- Feminism has always existed in Africa (msafropolitan.com)
- Men and the Madonna “HO” Complex (ashy2classy.net)
- Why Black Women Should Date White Men (singleblackmale.org)
- Ladies, This Is The Underrated Truth On Why Some Men NEVER Want To Get Married (thisisyourconscience.com)
- So You Say You Want A Great Marriage? Prove It (blackandmarriedwithkids.com)
- Marriage Has Its Flaws, But What Are You Grateful For? (blackandmarriedwithkids.com)