The Marcus Graham Chronicles: Relationship Coordinating -Your Needs Vs. Your Wants

The Marcus Graham Chronicles is my personal journey of dealing with love and relationships. It is called the Marcus Graham Chronicles because of my affinity for the movie “Boomerang” and how the main character of Marcus Graham relates to me as the “black professional” man. You can check out earlier posts in this series HERE.

One of the most classic scenes of Boomerang is the scene where Jarrod’s parents The Jacksons’ (played by John Witherspoon and Bebe Drake ) come over to Marcus’ for dinner. People remember the scene for John Witherspoon’s “Bang Bang, Bang” line when he was referring to Marcus being p**** whipped by Jacqueline. But, another part of the scene John Witherspoon’s character Mr. Jackson walks right in Marcus’ home comes over to Marcus and shows off his mushroom themed outfit and accessories. Mr. Jackson he continuously tells Marcus…”You Gotta Coordinate.” I was watching the film the other day which I do at least once month and kept thinking about how as funny the scene is that maybe we need to start coordinating more things together in our lives and in this case our wants vs. our needs.

One of the biggest challenges in all of our lives is accessing the difference between what want to have out of life and what things we need out of life. We all want a lot of things but decide what we need is the bigger mental task especially in terms of relationships. This is something I have been reflecting on more and more every day. I have been fine tuning and reformatting the difference between them both.

In Boomerang Mr. Jackson shows  Marcus every part of his suit and how the mushroom print coordinates with another piece of his total ensemble. Just like Mr. Jackson coordinating his outfit we have to serious visit the difference between our relationship wants and needs. The whole Marcus Graham Chronicles I have been consistently venturing to fine tune and display my journey of seeing how to coordinate which things I need out of a woman and understand that wants are just pluses. How many times I have I confused my wants with my needs the list would be endless.

There is dope song from a group I really dig Pac Div and they have a song called “Paper” and in the song they had a line that was so ironic about some women:

“You say you looking for a dedicated love. You will never date a scrub; a church going man, who’s an educated thug. Your brains all messed up…”

The statement speaks to the idea of wanting someone to be everything but when in life no one can be all those things and it’s ridiculous to want a man to be all those things. I used to laugh at the statement all the time and had even used different variations of it in different discussions.   But, then it hit me that I do the same thing many times when it comes to women.  I talked about this ideal some in the post “Man, You Don’t F*** Her Feet” but it becomes an even deeper mental process of ascertaining what you want and what you need. I have learned that some of the things I didn’t think I needed from a woman I do need.  One of my biggest lessons has been just because you don’t like a need doesn’t mean you don’t need it. Just like we may not like certain food because of the taste or texture but we may need that food to live a healthy life.

Relationship “resumes” are many times just that good paper and don’t measure up to a damn in a relationship. Look at it the same way as you would want a company to be run. How many times have you seen someone who had a great “resume”? They have these great degrees but were a horrible person to work with. I have always said I will take a person who doesn’t know as much, can be trained, and is a great person to work with than someone who knows how to do the job but is horrible to be around.  The same can be said in a relationship as well. The person can have these things that we want out of a person but they give few of the things we need out of a relationship.

Sometimes we put restrictions on people in relationships and we get things all crossed up between what we want from them and what we need from them. Think about the things you say you want out of a mate. Sit down and really think about what do you need out of a mate. I have always believed that love is a choice but are your wants cheating you from the finding something we all need LOVE. Are you self-sabotage love because of your wants which will begin to take a toll on what you really need?

Marcus Graham had to get to a place in his life where between all the women he was dating trying to find that Holy Grail of a woman that he was neglecting what he really needed. Marcus thought he found a woman like Jacqueline who satisfied all of his wants or fulfilled the proverbial resume. Marcus felt that she was the best woman for him because she fulfilled all of his wants but he soon realized that Jacqueline fulfilled none of his needs. He saw that what he needed was Angela and not what he wanted(Jacqueline)

We can get caught up so much in our wants that we never get what we need from a relationship.  Mr. Jackson’s comedic saying “You Gotta Coordinate” is something we all need to do in our own lives. Relationships are like gumbo where there are certain essentials to a gumbo recipe. Some other elements are great to have and “coordinate” in the gumbo. But, do you need those other elements to have great gumbo? That’s up to us all to figure out what we need in our gumbo and what the extra things that would want in our gumbo.

Make sure you check out this week’s episode of the “Straight Outta Lo Cash” Radio Show. This week’s show “What is Considered a Classic?” feat.Hip Hop Historian Finsta. You can also subscribe to the show on I-Tunes or listen on your Android, I-Phone, I-Pad or Black berry of Stitcher Radio.

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19 responses to “The Marcus Graham Chronicles: Relationship Coordinating -Your Needs Vs. Your Wants

  1. Good read but my problem is I wonder if my wants and needs are filpped flop and I don’t know. You gave me a lot to think about right here

  2. I am having this problem right now!! What the hell is the difference though I ask? But a brotha gotta quit doing the same things over and over again. I think they call in insamity!! Well I have relationship insanity

  3. ” Just because you don’t like a need doesn’t mean you don’t need it.”

    We live in confusing times. We are bombarded with messages that provoke our narcissism. Soon enough, we are living life in an effort to massage our star-struck ego. Our choices inflate our ego at the expense of giving us a decent and hard-won life.

    We become a mile wide and an inch deep with a roster of failures.

    Funny thing is that we put ourselves in hell by buying into the idea that it is possible to bat 1000. Nobody gets to bat 1000. .300 is an amazing batting average and .300 only comes at the end of years and years of hard mundane work, daily effort, major sacrifices.

    We’ve had the rules for flying right for thousands of years but here lately, we think the rules don’t apply to us. We think that we can skirt the hard work, put on a bit of lippy and sail up to some sort of recognized greatness. And while we are trying to get by on nothing but the skim on the surface, we make choices that put us into hell on earth where we don’t have what we need or want.

    Why is this crazy business so prevalent? Maybe it’s because confused, narcissistic people are easy to govern and manipulate.

  4. This sounds all good in theory but the vast majority of people never get to the point where they understand this difference. Good in theory but most people wont apply it

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