This week’s guest post is from ME! Yes I am guest posting on my site! This post was actually a guest post I did for the lovely ladies over at Curly Deviants. I felt with all the discussion about black women’s hair and Gabrielle Douglas’ hair in the Olympics. that I would share this post on my view of beauty in terms of hair.
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I bet someone read the title of this post and thought about Lil Wayne’s lyrics that alluded to a women’s sexual region. If you did, get your mind out of the gutter dammit! When I was a young playa (well…probably until a few years ago) I was enthralled with women that had long hair. My love affair with a woman’s long hair was a fairly peculiar thing. I’m not gonna front – I was so much into long hair at one point that washing a women’s hair was a turn on for me…It still is actually.
Now, I’ll admit – my parameters were very weird. Even though I loved long hair I really disliked weave. So, as I wallowed through the abyss of dating, I looked at a woman’s hair as a gauge of my true interest in her. Yeah, it sounds vain as hell. But it was what it was at that point in time. I was so comical with my vanity – I’d look at a woman (especially if I was dating her) as if they were the anti-Christ if they even talked about cutting their hair.
What’s interesting to note is that most men have all of these precursors when it comes to seriously dating a woman. From butts to breasts women HAVE to have these things for a man to even be attracted to her. And hey, there’s nothing wrong with having certain things you are attracted to. But, we can become slaves to a physical dynamic. Mine just happened to be hair. Who knows, maybe it was that I was bowing to the socially accepted ideal… that a woman has to have some form of Eurocentric beauty. Admit it, somewhere down the line you’ve fallen prey to that too…
“Trust me, if a woman ain’t happy with herself, she’s going to bring nothing but pain to every f’ing body around her.”- Ice T
Women are put under enormous pressure to make sure their hair looks great at all time… AND makes them feel good about herself. Show you a woman who loves her hair and I will show you a woman who has self-love for herself. But, it becomes an issue when society tries to overtly and inertly put pressure on women to acquiesce to a certain way of doing their hair. For instance, look at the natural hair movement that has come along in the black community. So many women are taking their hair back into their control (per say) and getting off the “creamy crack” (perms). It seemed to have empowered a lot of women to be comfortable with their hair the way it is. And for that I applaud those sisters!
Call it maturing and learning more about life, but I had to realize that the hair is not a predictor to what type of woman she is… I had to start embracing a woman for more than that warped ideal of a woman’s hair. I aint gonna front though… I still love long hair. But I CAN say that I really don’t care one way or another…now.
I would say that hair is a woman’s glory and that you share that glory with your family. And they get to see you braiding it and they get to see you washing it.- Maya Angelou
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Thanks for the ping back! Great site. Good article!
Man, this goes directly to my articles dealing with the bruised ego of the black woman. Hair was, and still is, a major issue when it comes to self love (next to skin color/skin tone). I love a woman’s hair regardless, though. That’s just me.
GREAT post!
You know…the ONLY reason why hair is such a big issue with black women is because it’s a direct link to her lineage. It threatens the very ideal of “white beauty” when a black woman is happy with herself.
Hence all the criticism and vitriol.
Hey Darryl, great post as usual. I did the big chop back in May. I love it and don’t regret it at all. I had been thinking about it since last year but then I went to a Natural hair meet up in January and that solidified the deal for me. My main reason for cutting my hair was I was so use to using it as a “curtain” because I was never really comfortable with myself physically. I would make sure to get hairstyles that would cover my face. I felt that if I cut it then it would help me confront myself and my insecurities. I can honestly say that it has helped me on my journey. There are guys that I know who say women with long hair (natural or a weave) are the only women they will date, I asked them why and they say they want something to run their hands through and they felt it made a woman look more attractive. I tell them to go buy a mop. But then again I’m thankful to know their opinions because if a guy has to gauge whether to get know me by what is on my head vs what is inside it. It’s their loss and my blessing.
Dude like me could care less about her hair as long as she looks presentable. I care more about how her body is and if she is down to keep her self in shape. Thats what is one of the biggest issues for black women that damn weight
You did a good job articulating where you were and where you are!
We all have those physical characteristics we are looking for in those we’re interested in getting with. I’m looking for more than the length of hair. As long as we see women as more than specific physical characteristics, then we’re on the right track.
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Long hair or short,doesn’t matter much to me. I’ve dated women with braids,cornrows,weaves,you name it. It’s more about my immediate attraction at first. And her overall personality. But every man has his preference I guess. To each his own.