I have a year living with my boyfriend who has a 4-year-old little girl. At first it was all good, I knew his daughter before I meet him and she loved me and would always look for me. As we began a relationship she didn’t seem to happy about sharing her dad and she would make me faces. Eventually it stopped. But now the problem is that every time I try to enforce a punishment she goes to him & gets her way. I feel like he isn’t giving me any authority. What most bothers me is that she has talked back to me when her dads not around. When he gets home and I mention it to him he doesn’t do much to put a stop to it. The little girl knows how to get her ways I try to enforce discipline but he does the complete opposite and gives her what she wants just to avoid having to hear her whine. At this point I don’t know what to do anymore. I am only 19 and I have even stopped working to help him take care of his daughter while he’s at work. He works 12hr shifts. I’m feeling more like a babysitter than even his partner at this point. What should I do?
Thanks for writing in Rebecca! Appreciate you for being a part of the From Ashy to Classy movement. With all of that being said I am going to keep it 117% real with you but the child not respecting you is not your biggest problem. The biggest issue in my opinion you are having is that you are too young to be in a situation like that. You don’t necessarily need to stop dealing with the man you are dealing with BUT you have to find your own identity outside of the man you are in a relationship. You are only 19 YEARS OLD. You have so much you need to learn about who you are to throw yourself into a situation where you are putting your life on hold for another person’s child. Am I telling you to ish on him? No by no means am I saying not to be with this man because he maybe a great guy but you can’t put your life on hold. You need to make sure you take advantage of what you want to accomplish and see in life before being bogged down with another man’s kid. As long as you are clear with your wants and needs any reasonable man will listen. The man you are with has to understand that the child is not your responsibility to be quitting your job for HIS child.
Rebecca make sure that you are creating your own identity outside of being your man’s lady or “babysitter” as you call it. It is nothing wrong with you wanting that! Rebecca live your young 19-year-old life to the fullest. Life can be very short but it also can be very long and it is especially wrong when we don’t take advantage of the time you have in your life now. Evaluate deeply is this a situation you want to be in. We all have a choice in life. We may not like the choice we have to make but it is still a choice nonetheless. If you take a step forward in your life progression the universe will reward you and push you two more steps.
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