This was actually a guest post I wrote a few months back for one of my favorite blogs “This is Your Conscience” but a letter from one of my readers made me think about this post and want to share it with those of you who may have missed it on his site…
Most human beings have an inner desire to love and to be loved. Some people may hoot and holler that they don’t need love but we all want some kind of affection and feeling of self-worth. Many people find this love by giving a service to people. Others find this love by being there for family and friends. But, the way that most people search for this love connection is through romantic relationships. The interesting thing is we have been taught in romantic relationships that we have to fight for love and that fighting for someone’s love is the best way to show how much we love them. Have you ever thought that letting them go may show them just as much you love them as well?
I remember the time the Bishop Magic Don Juan laced me with some game. He told me a lot of interesting relationship advice but the thing that stuck out the most to me was when he told me “If you Love Her You Have to Be Willing to Let Her Go.” First, you are probably reading thinking “You aren’t talking about that Bishop Magic Don Juan” YES! That Bishop Magic Don Juan, ex-pimp, minster, and Snoop Dogg affiliate. I just I call him “Da Bishop”. You may have your face scrunched up at the thought of “Da Bishop” giving sound relationship advice but follow along with the concept.
Now you may think of the romanticized idea of “fighting” for love or being persistent. After really thinking about what “Da Bishop” said his statement makes even more sense than what we are conditioned to believe. The whole idea is that if you love someone so much you have to give them the option or choice of leaving. How much do we hold on to someone we know is not in a space or whose heart isn’t with you? We fight many times for a person’s love when we need to let them go. You heard the saying, “If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it’s yours forever. If it doesn’t, then it was never meant to be.”
Love at the highest level is the ability to sacrifice your desires for the sake of someone else. Now I am not saying total self-deprecation because self-preservation is always first. It’s just a selfless thing that needs to be done. You’ll be in pain, you’ll feel loss, but your love for them is greater sadness you have. It isn’t easy, but if you truly love them and not just the way being in love with them makes YOU feel, then you’ll find the strength in that to do right by them even if it hurts you.
Many of us love to look at the positive aspects of our selves instead of understanding, embracing, and improving the debts to our character. We just feel the need or want to be with the person many times at a cost to ourselves and the other person. We hold tight to our perspective of thinking we are in the right. It’s very hard to what the overall good for the relationship maybe. There can even be a case of what I call No Dime Left Behind where we know we need to let the person go but we hold on to them because of selfish reasons instead of letting them go.
I am not going to sit here 
and write that just because you let a person go that they will come back to you because more than likely they won’t. This isn’t the reason you are letting them go it’s because you love a person enough to look out for your best self-interest. Giving them opportunity of leaving because that is the most love you can show for them. I know that you may be sitting at the crib listening to Sade looking at a wall or playing Carl Thomas’ “Emotional” but many times the decision needed to be made the most are the hardest to make. You never thought that a nugget from an ex-pimp could give you another perspective on life huh? Just understand that at the end of the day you should love someone enough that you want them to be happy even if it’s not with you.
Also make sure you check out this week’s episode of the “Straight Outta Lo Cash” Radio Show. This week’s show “A Beauitful and Dark Facebook Fantasy” with guest Zee Lauren. Also you can check us out live at 7PM CST on trifultoonesfm.com. You can also subscribe to the show on I-Tunes or listen on your Android, I-Phone, I-Pad or Black berry of Stitcher Radio.
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What about the idea of fighting for love? why give up so easily? If you run away fast doesn’t it show you don’t care?
Well damn….This just depressed the hell outta me.
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One of the hardest things for us as humans to do is to truly put someone else’s needs before our own. This doesn’t mean that we don’t love the other person but that it’s hard to take a back seat. Fighting for and trying to hold on to someone’s love is natural, I mean who wants to give up or let go but that is only self satisfying.
I agree. Love isnt selfish nor does it require that you “fight” for it. Love is the same rather with your mate or your family. We have to recognize that being in a relationship is a choice and it isnt for everyone. Our life destiny is so much more than finding “The one”. As we begin to fulfill our lifes work all of our relationship will improve and be more joy filled
This is a hard one. This is the 2nd time this week that someone has spoken on something I needed to hear. I can relate to this b/c I AM in this predicament as we speak. I have been dating someone on and off for a few yrs. One minute were together and the next minute…he’s gone for a yr or visa versa. Now its to the point where I want to be with him, but he’s not trying to be with me…i.e he says that he does want to be with me but just not right now..says that he is focusing on a masters and that making the decision to commit is hard. He also says that he just doesn’t have life figured out to want to tie down. Like most do..I get the sense of re-assurance..well as soon as I get this together then we’ll talk about it! I respect the fact that the guy has to decency to be honest about where his mind is..but in the end it leaves me feeling a lot of different emotions. I don’t know if what he’s saying is genuine..or if its just a tactic to keep me where he has me b/c he knows I’m a good catch or whatever. After being with and knowing someone for so long it is VERY hard to just let it go..Over the years we have become so close that he’s my best friend! That’s when my spiritual guidance comes into play. I just ask God everyday to give me the strength to leave b/c I know its not what I want and I feel I deserve. I believe that everyone’s relationship is different and how they handle certain instances is different…but getting involved in a cycle like this is toxic. I say that b/c you don’t know HOW it will end. You’ll say that ur done but ur really not…so for me I watch God…he knows what to do and in due time I will be healed and free…if that’s what he has intended. Ur book of life is pretty much written and the design is divine.. so I realize its not up to me to make this decision. At this point its pretty much out of my hands and in Gods.. Everyone deserves to know where they stand and people will only do what u allow them to do. Most people are cool with relationships that aren’t platonic.. but for me it leaves me on an emotional roller coaster….so I’m taking baby steps and I have God holding my hand…