Would You Be In Your Gay Son’s Or Best Friends Wedding?

This past week the internet has gone en fuego and when I been en fuego I been seriously hot after a video went viral of Nathanial Gay a member of Kappa Alpha Psi fraternity getting married to another man. Yeah the gay marriage thing again has come up once again. People in Greek letter organizations to people all over social networking sites have chimed in on their feelings about the wedding. This isn’t going to be a post about gay marriage and relationships because I spoke about that recently in my post “How You Worried About Gay Marriage When the Rent’s Too Damn High”. This post is going to delve into our true acceptance of gay marriage or not because at the end of the day I feel that to people getting married regardless of sex doesn’t have much to do with my life.  What I began to think about is how would I feel if my son or one of my closest friends wanted me to be in their same-sex wedding? It is easy for us to say we are for or against same-sex marriage until it is put into our own home.

After watching the video I am not going to front the video was uncomfortable for me to watch at first. I then began to realize how laid out these brothas nuptials were. Most of the women I knew were either upset their wedding wasn’t as beautiful as that or wanted their wedding to be like that. I mean let’s keep it regardless of your views of gay men they always have things laid out. But, the thing that really hit home to me was what one of the people on my Facebook page asked me. He asked me “How would I feel if my future son wanted you to walk him down the aisle with him and give him away to marry man?  Would I do it or just attend the ceremony?”

It was a very ill question I had never really been confronted with before.  I am definitely alright if two people of the same-sex want to get married because it’s their choice but how would I feel if it was in my midst is the question. I honestly really don’t know how I feel about the situation. I would hope that I would be able to stand by my son or friend and be supportive but I am going to be honest and say I would not be uncomfortable with the situation.  I know as far as I know I don’t have any close friends or family members who are gay and for as many weddings I have been in or to the last few years I have never even been to a gay wedding so have my ideas on gay marriage really been challenged?

I guess I would compare the feeling to how some white people felt during the Civil Rights movement.  They were alright and okay with Black people having the same rights but may have had issues when those same black people started moving into their neighborhoods and their children and grandchildren marrying black people.  There was an overwhelming amount of people who fought and advocated for Civil Rights but they necessarily want that blackness in their family or as their next door neighbor. I am not saying my deconstruction is that extreme but I understand it’s easy to say you are for or against something as long as you are insulated away from it.

My co-host on my podcast Straight Outta LoCash Jovan Bibbs and I have an ongoing joke about how we wouldn’t be in a gay man’s wedding because he may want us to escort “Maurice” down the aisle and that we would come up with some reason why we couldn’t walk with him at the rehearsal. Jovan would say “Uh, You really don’t need me to walk with Maurice right because I can just be an usher?”

But, in all seriousness I come back to the question that was proposed to me and I continually don’t have an answer but this is something I definitely know that can happen.  Would I love my son, daughter, or friend any less of they were gay? If I truly had love for them why would I not be there for them? I may not understand it but is it my issue to be comfortable with? I mean it is two consenting adults who want to get married not a man named Dan marrying a Buffalo from Wyoming.  I am in support of gay people getting married but how much support am I willing to give to their wedding and relationship is the question. I know as a progressive man I could handle the situation but at the same time I still really don’t know how much I would be involved.

How do you feel about being involded in a gay wedding? Would you be apart of one for your close family member or friend if they asked you?

Also make sure you check out this week’s episode of the “Straight Outta Lo Cash” Radio Show. This week’s show “Jumping the Broom” with guest author Terry Bams. Also you can check us out live at 7PM CST on trifultoonesfm.com. You can also subscribe to the show on I-Tunes or listen on your Android, I-Phone, I-Pad or Black berry of Stitcher Radio.

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21 responses to “Would You Be In Your Gay Son’s Or Best Friends Wedding?

  1. Plain and simple he wouldn’t be my son or friend marrying a dude. The things we believe in wouldn’t be aligned. And for the record that Kappa wedding was sick as hell and not sick good

  2. Great question!! Love your blog, btw. I have been reading for some time now.

    In my opinion, unconditional love is just that. WE, people walk around here as if our shit doesn’t stink like we have the right to pass judgement on what others do and how they live their lives. That’s not our jobs. I’m bi. My mother was married to a woman for 10 years. My best friend is gay and is considering marriage at some point. Yes! I will gladly be there to support, regardless of the legality of the issue. I have a son and a daughter, whatever their choices, will remain THEIR choices and I will support them no matter what. I’m not here to control them, I’m here to guide them.

    I feel that it all comes down to how we were raised. What type of people would shun away blood because they are doing something that they want to do and believe in. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to be around it. But I find it to be very shameful that one would abandon a friendship/kinship/relationship because of a natural act. Love is love no matter what color, shape or format it comes in.

    • Thanks for coming through and the love!!

      I think for men its harder issue to handle because of what we define as manhood. It’s something that is just not evolving and beearned that the idea if a man has a cornicupia of meaning

      • Yes! I love it here! Just felt the need to jump into the pool of comments today, lol!

        I believe the same, that for men, it is a harder issue to grasp. Of course, granting that men and women are most definitely different breeds. Gay-ness (and yes I made that up) seems as if it’s a worldwide epidemic spread, lol. More people are opening up to there freedom to choose and not to have to be closed up or tossed around in the life we were given to live. Everyone’s goal is to be happy, believe it or not. So you do what makes you happy.

        I feel that manhood should be questionable if a “true/real man” is uncomfortable in an environment that he feels threatens his “manhood”. From what I have seen, the problem with the uncomfortable crowd is they think everybody wants them (lol) usually. But with all jokes aside, I feel if you are comfortable in your skin, then there should be no restraints on the love or bond with whomever is choosing outside of “your” district.

  3. Whether I agree with my sons life decision or not, I don’t see what would come out of turning your back on your child. I understand that it is a struggle to accept an “alternative lifestyle” but in the end, I don’t feel it is worth losing my relationship with my child over it so if it happened, I would have to find a way to get over any issues I may have.

    • Who says you have to turn your back on or lose your child over him/her being gay. You can still love your child without accepting the wrongs they do. Why are we forced to accept any and every bad behavior. I have gay family members and LOVE them but don’t love their lifestyle choice, just as some of those same family members LOVE me but was very disapproving of me being a male “ho” for many years (that was my lifestyle choice). And as a parent myself (of 4) if one of my kids said they were gay, my first thing would be to examine if they were a victim of child sexual abuse, because every one of my gay family members said they were molested as kids.

  4. Ummm…forgive me but…may I ask you if you know of The Homosexual Agenda being pushed on the black community? It’s very real. It’s the new form of eugenics. Research it if you doubt my words…

    Dig, I try to love my people but sorry man, marriage is between a man and a woman.

  5. My best friend is lesbian and I love gay people in general. Sometimes I think being gay would be fantastic. I love women, like all of them. I just have a very open heart. I also don’t tie manhood to externally specific behavior but rather on principle which is not really observable so much as it is verifiable by iteration in a historical context. With that as a basis, all people who live true deserve some measure of respect as long as they respect others. You give credit where credit is due. Manhood is not about about making more money, are being at the top of a hierarchy, or how many women you pull. Manhood should transcend silly notions like the notches on your belt. A real man would honor a friends request if it is within his power to give. Anything short of that is no friend and maybe the views of child that lacks depth (magnitude) and breadth (latitude).

  6. It’s amazing, GOD does not show up in the equation. I’m assuming there are still some of us Black Christians out there. As Blacks and Christians in general, we have decided to leave God out of the gay marriage topic. To simply write off and approve of gay marriage because it does not affect me is purely selfish. Does it affect our society, does it affect our families, and number one, does it affect our relationship with God? Having a open heart means accepting mans foolishness and whims? We are so trying to appear open and loving of all behaviors we are becoming closed and hateful to Gods word and Christian values/beliefs. Also in our blind effort to accept gay lifestyle we ignore the pain that got many in the LGBT community to exercise their sexual behavior. Almost every gay person I know or have hears discuss their life, there has almost alweays been some form of sexual molestation in their early childhood. If we truly want to help, let us not examine that harsh reality because their life direction was dictated by evil adults who took advantage of them and stole their youth and damaged their souls. So sad, you fight to give gays a voice but fight to silence or hide Gods voice.

  7. I would like to think i’m enlightened enough to participate in a gay wedding. I think i’m secure enough in who i am and what i want to know that it’s not about me.

    On another note, this gives a whole new meaning the term “sweet nupe” (sorry couldn’t resist)

  8. If I do not agree with the lifestyle, then no i would not participate in or attend a gay wedding.

    I can’t imagine disowning my child but that doesn’t mean II have to be involved with his/her lifestyle if I believe it’s wrong.

    However if I am accepting and homosexuality is of no issue to me, then yeah I’d be there.

    I think it would be harder for a man to participate in a gay wedding because by doing so, he’s publicly saying that he is in support of gay people, which automatically makes him kind of gay by association in the eyes of many.

  9. I recently read a novel written by Luana Reach Torres’s titled, “I Heard the Pastor’s Daughter Is Gay.” This book really helped me see both sides of the situation. I was able to get a better understanding of what a daughter would go through in trying to accept herself, while still desperately wanting the love of her parents, as well as what the parent may be going through in trying to learn how to accept his or her child in this situation. These are things I have never had to think about before reading the book. I have to say though, that I would never stop loving my child no matter what, and so would participate in his/her wedding.


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  11. Honest post from the male mind. I would be there but um glad you kept it real and said that you would feel uncomfortable. Many people say they would be because its cool. Great show of growth in this

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