“Death and life lie in the power of the tongue.”
This scripture found in Proverbs 18:21 is often quoted by many regardless of who or what they believe in. But the other back-end of this proverb is often forgotten by many and it adds, “And they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.” In other words, you have the power to determine what happens or what will happen to you in life based on what you say and you will reap the benefits of whatever it is that comes out of your mouth, good or bad.
It’s no secret, the struggle is real for just about everyone in America these days who is not named Mitt Romney but the struggle continues for African-Americans. We can blame “the man”. We can blame the economy. We can blame the quality of our schools and communities but we must also point the finger at ourselves too, especially parents. We can throw in “the elders” as well. While there are some things that are beyond our control, there are aspects of “the struggle” that continue because of black parents and how we talk to our children. I should point out that I’m not a parent but I am a mentor and a youth minister. Even though I’m not a parent, I use the term “our” because that is what it is, “our” problem, and “our” struggle. And I also understand that what I say to a child could make a lasting impression on their life.
I’ve come to believe that back parents and elders alike pass the struggle on to their kids because of the things we say to our kids. Think about it? How many times as a child did you hear your mom, dad, or some other older black person say things to you like: “You ain’t gon’ be nothing”, “I don’t know why you’re playing football, you ain’t goin’ pro” or “You better get a job and quit wastin’ time talkin’ about college.” Among other things, we call our kids names too. We call them “dumb” and “stupid”. I love my mother but even she would say things to me like, “If your head wasn’t attached to your shoulders, you’d probably lose that too.” To this day, if I lose something that is first thing I think about.
Not only that but we tell our kids that because of their color or where they come from that they do not have a chance to succeed. We tell our kids they will not do well in life because they come from the projects or because their daddy isn’t around or because we’re poor. And then there’s the “these white folks don’t want you to have nothing so you better take what you can get” mentality. Some of these things may be true, you may be parenting a child who isn’t the brightest crayon in the bunch but you should never actually say these things to our kids.
Growing up, I was considered “the token black guy”. I had white friends, I did “white” things and for the most part white people liked me. Sometimes I would go over to a few of my white friends’ homes and play video games or whatever. I got to see my clear homies get in trouble for a variety of things, even making bad grades. One thing was constant though, before their parents called them stupid or dumb they would take a second to grit their teeth and encourage them to do better and develop a plan of action.
This is often times where black parents go wrong and people in general go wrong. We acknowledge a problem but we never come up with a plan or we blame the man. Far too often the black community points the finger at either the man or the child. As black matriarchs, patriarchs and elders we must start speaking positively to our children. We must acknowledge every good thing our children do. We have to stop passing the struggle on to our kids just because of what our parents said to us or what happened to us as children. And if your life didn’t turn out how you wanted it to that’s not the child’s fault, so don’t down them because you never came up. Use your own struggles to help raise the next generation.
Many of the young people I work with have no goals, no aspirations and no desire. They aren’t passionate about anything. I ask them why and they say some of the same things I’ve mentioned here. We’ve got black kids getting put down by black people and then we wonder why they’re so rebellious, raucous and ratchet. It’s because we constantly we speak struggle over them instead of success. Death and life lie in the power of the tongue and the success of this generation of African-Americans will be based on what we speak over ourselves and our youth. And remember burdens are meant to be lifted not carried.
This weeks guest post is from Ken Grace aka Bobby Bowtie (@BobbyBowtie). You can check out more of his work at The Life and Times of Bobby Bowtie.
Also make sure you check out this week’s episode of the “Straight Outta Lo Cash” Radio Show. This week’s show “Embracing and Enticing the Thirst” with model Mika Sha.You can also subscribe to the show on I-Tunes or listen on your Android, I-Phone, I-Pad or Black berry of Stitcher Radio.
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This is a great post and what I feel need to be addressed more to the African American audience. I see this almost everyday and it’s becoming sickening! How can you expect your child/children to succeed when you (the parents) are verballyy abusing them?? Thats why this youth is so confused and out of synce because 70 percent (my commentary) of the households are not showing a positive role model. We need to show our children its ok to fall but they are not a failure. They can succeed.
Hurt people hurt people. And the struggle will continue as long as we:
1. Have no accountability for our own actions
2. Let others define who we are
3. Do not try to love ourselves first
Black people, especially our youth, are facing the biggest challenges in terms of education, jobs, home ownership and life goals. Remember that there are systems set up and specifically designed for our failure so many are disenfranchised from the get-go.
The main issue with this, in my estimation, is a lack of black community and black-on-black ownership. If you and I are blood related, which we are, I’m responsible for you and you for me. Where are the teachings of our ancestors?
Where is the black self ownership?
It’s delegated to TV-watching, Little Wayne and the Illuminati, buying a pair of 500 sneakers for showing off and having as much sex as possible. We Africans have lost our way and we are partly to blame!
Whites are going to do what they do best, which is destroy, so we must not focus on them, which is what they want, and focus on us, which will rebuild strong blood connections.
How to do this?
1. Stop calling each other dirty names.
2. Recognize the system for what it is and stop playing the “colour-blindness” act.
3. Relearn the number one source of African empowerment: Our history. All of it…From Hannibal, to Garvey, to Shaka Zulu, to slavery to now. Embrace it. Study the Dogon, which is what I’m doing now to gain empowerment and realize who we are.
4. Distance yourself from your enemy.
5. Realize gang violence, incarceration, black mental illness, drugs, alcohol, fast foods and GMO’s for what they are : Eugenics
It can be done, Diggame.
I keep in close contact with about 5 black bloggers on line. We trade phone numbers when comfortable with each other, talk about planning, business tips, etc…
I’m sure you have my personal email address by now. If you want in…email me and we’ll get to talking on a serious level. We are all we have. And the only ones that do seem to know that there’s a game being played…is us.
I wrote this recently and got attacked by some of my own people. If they truly understood white people, they’d read this article again…
http://diaryofanegress.com/2012/10/13/7-easy-steps-to-help-counter-white-supremacy/
This piece brings up several good points, the types of things that are applicable whether a person is a parent or not but damn son- I’m so sick of reading, hearing and talking about the plight. I really am.
Is it a hopeless case? Have we as a people become so accustomed to the downtrodden ways of life from our ancestors and how so many of us may be suffering? Is the answer in the elders teaching and inspiring, parents becoming more engaged and interactive? Should we turn to outreach services and the churches for guidance? There are so many avenues we can pursue, but for years and years, so many blacks are failing to take advantage and want to do better.
“Sometimes I wanna throw up my hands and holla…”
As a parent, I have to say it (change) starts with us BUT we cannot be the catch all. So long as our children have television, friends, interaction with the outside world in general, there’s always the possibility of them being tainted.
All we as a people can do is care enough to want to change, be respected and do better!