Open Friday: I’m In Love With Two Women

Dear D,

Whats up man! Digging everything going on here at From Ashy to Classy. You always keep me thinking and love to see what new thoughts and ideas you bring to the readers.

Since I have all the pleasantries out-of-the-way let me get into the reason I am writing this letter. For the last year and a half I have kind of been in a relationship two women simultaneously. I guess you can call them both “girlfriends” per say. I have not made it official with either woman but I admittedly have treated both of them like they are the only one. One woman leaves in my city and the other woman lives a few miles from my city so I am rarely in the same places with them. Each woman is totally different than the other woman and I love each one of them with all my heart for different things. I know I am kinda wrong for leading both women down a winding road. I have talked to both of them extensively about marriage. I have come to a crossroads where I know I need to choose one of the women. But, the problem is that I really really love both women. Any words from you and your readers will be appreciated.

Rick The Ruler

man with two women

Damn man! You must have read the last edition of Open Friday from a female reader because these are very similar situations. Can I call you Slick Rick The Ruler cause maintaining ONE woman is hard enough but to maintain a relationship with TWO women over a year and a half is something else.  You sound like Denzel Washington’s character Bleek in Mo’ Better Blues. I hope you didn’t buy them the same dress.First,  keep it real with yourself more because the innocence you are trying to display isn’t a good look. You don’t kind of have two girlfriends….YOU DO have two girlfriends. I know more than you think I do about being caught in a position you are in (Like I really do).

You are certainly in a tough position that YOU have put yourself in. You have to take the onus on yourself from leading both women on to believe that are the only one (because playa to playa that’s what we know you did). Personally I come from the angle that I believe someone can really love more than one person at a time. You can love different people for different reasons and love who they are. BUT at the end of the day you can’t continually satisfy your selfish needs from both women. Now you may have read the guest post on here about polygamy and maybe it being viable but that stuff sounds good in theory but in application it doesn’t.

I have always written that the biggest ally and enemy for a man is his ego. Like I have said before a lot of men including myself have been in this position so it is nothing new. But, at some point you have to separate your ego from the reality of the situation. Just like I wrote about in my lessons of Love from Bishop Magic Duan Juan you have to decipher the difference between your love from the women and your ego of just losing them. You need to take time away for yourself and see where you want to be. Because one or both of these women you may not want to be with.  It can get confusing for us men separating this ego from reality because sometimes in this world all you have is your ego to lean on but in this situation your ego is effecting multiple people’s lives. Like before I have been in a situation like you before that I talked about in one of The Marcus Graham Chronicles: “No Dime Left Behind”. You basically are taking the good attributes of both woman and combining them together to make a mental perfect woman like the chick in “Weird Science“. And if you have ever seen that movie you see what happened to their “perfect woman”.

At the end of the day this rodeo show that you have been able to pull off for the last year and a half will and has to come to a screeching halt at some point. Either you are going to man up and end it yourself or you can find yourself in a Waiting Exhale sequel and with neither women by your side but a part of me believes that you may not even want to be with either woman…You may need to love them both enough to let them go.

What do you think about Rick The Ruler’s situation with having two girlfriends? Chime in?

Make sure you check out this week’s episode of the “Straight Outta Lo Cash” Radio Show. This week’s show ” What’s Love Got to Do With It?” with graphic artist and hip hop culturalist Rhasad ”Shadzilla” Whittier”. You can also subscribe to the show on I-Tunes or listen on your Android, I-Phone, I-Pad or Black berry with Stitcher Radio.

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16 responses to “Open Friday: I’m In Love With Two Women

  1. This is something like D said happens all thr time in life so some women don’t need to get up ams. Happens with women too! Rick you can only try to extend this out only so long. Dude!!@ I have been there twice in my life. It’s a drug situation where you can ping pong back and forth between them. When one acting you up you can roll with the other and vice versa. You messes up in the game though talking marriage with both of them though cause this ain’t gonna end pretty

  2. I want to pop my collar to this dude for keeping this game up!! I think pologamy should be legal anyway because it would be better for most chicks anyway. But, since we live in this bs western society I would suggest to him to ride this out long engough before he falls flat on his face and choose the one who can survie the game. Basically play survivor with them and see who is the last standing but don’t play it too long cause you can lose both if you don’t play your game right

  3. Leave them both. All you are doing is hurting 2 women unneccesarily, because, like the Pounder said-but-didn’t-say, all you are doing is having a superficial relationship with both.

    “When one acting you up you can roll with the other and vice versa. ”

    Mainly, you have not been truly “in a relationship” with either. You have been spending “good times” with both. If one “posed a problem”, you had the other so you could take a break. I guarantee the ‘idea’ of each girl is infinitely better than their reality. I can almost guarantee if you pick one within 6 months you will get your Nelson Mandela on. There is a girl out there who is plenty capable of fulfilling your needs if you grow the f*ck up and find her. But when you do, good luck, because relationship karma is very, very real.

    I will say, though, I am VERY curious as to what ‘needs’ each girl is fullfilling. We may very well have a great “madonna/whore” repost if one is his ‘domestic goddess’ and one is his ‘freak’ (PS-if that is the case, drop the freak and stop shortchanging your ‘goddess’ and open your damn mind. She is probably freakier than you will ever imagine).

  4. “I have talked to both of them extensively about marriage.” —

    My suggestion is that you get into witness protection program ASAP. Or build yourself a bomb shelter PRONTO.

    D – gave good advice. You can only do more damage the longer you wait to diffuse this bomb. And when I say diffuse I mean in the HURT LOCKER – disposal by detonation – sense of the term.

    Search your feelings. Pick one. Come clean to both. Apologize to both. Try and make it work with the one you choose (if she’ll have you…or if you are still alive – focus on the alive part).

  5. yea this is crazy and sad at the same time. as a woman who may seemingly want a man one day….i don’t even know where to start. OK we get it. men CLAIM they have to go through this dating phase or having more than one woman at the same time. i’m not downing men because woman do it too. but in this case and in my eyes this is unacceptable. if he was seriously thinking about getting into a serious relationship with one woman then he should have never let the relationship go on with 2 for as long as he has. i don’t feel bad for him getting bashed here b/c if either woman was to find out what he was up to; he’d damn sure be in for a rude awakening. some men don’t seem to get it though. they take a woman’s kindness for weakness…oh what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her will get him caught every time. now he’s caught in a dilemma. had he chosen ONE woman from the beginning that was SEEMING to peek his interest more, or the one that may have fit his needs and been out in the category of WIFE, he chose to have both. a lot of men do that and it makes me so mad! b/c its is freaking selfish!! he has no concern in who may end up heart broken here…not to say that men can’t be hurt but woman take that ish hard! we want to be loved, respected..nourished even b/c its in our make up. from the time i was born until now i have wanted a husband. at 25 i think of children and a life with some ONE peering over the horizon with me….ima just put it like this…he can have whatever is coming to him..b/c after a yr in a half..i’m pretty sure both woman MAY be in love with him too.

  6. It’s sad how people set themselves up for failure. There is no way to get out of this without incurring some fallout and I think it is time for some honesty. Honesty with yourself as to why you would put yourself and others in this situation and it is time to really let these women know that you aren’t who they think you are. Yes it will hurt and you will get cussed out but how else are you going to escape this nonsense you’ve put yourself in? You can’t play with people’s emotions and being involved with two women and being equally as serious with both for a year and a half qualifies as playing games! If nothing else, I hope you learn a lesson.

  7. These are not relationships, these are two lies. The author of this letter has every right to be with two women (the more the merrier with some folks) but the two women have every right to know this and make a decision on whether or not they want to be with you.

  8. This is one of the fundamental reasons why HIV/AIDS is on the rise in the African American community and why it’s a significant problem in our community. It’s not really about being in love with two women, it’s more about being greedy. Men and women need to learn how to be more responsible when it comes to relationships. If you’re letting one person know you’re interested in seeing what develops with him or her, you should not be telling another person the same thing. This is why we see people in the news ending up death: lies, cheating, and deception. Saying you’re in love with two people can cause you to end up in your grave. People must learn to see that this type of behavior is not worth it and it’s not becoming of a mature adult.

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  14. Be honest with both of them and take the consequences, that is the upstanding thing to do. The position you are in is because you aren’t being honest with them both. Remember fidelity is not about how many people you sleep with it is about how honest you are. If you have two women who don’t mind sharing you then all power to your prowess. One comment mentioned the spread about HIV/AIDS and while intuitive his causality is off/wrong. People spread disease because they don’t disclose and discuss their sex lives. When you are honest with a person reciprocating honesty is more likely. Case in point, research in the spread of STDs in Africa has found the reason Africans spread HIV/AIDS so rapidly is because there is an implicit understanding that people have more than one partner in many places, they don’t like condoms but THEY DON’T TALK ABOUT SEX! If Salt, Spin and Pepa can rap about it then you need to be totally honest. Trust me, I have had two women down for it and we all knew we were disease free because we talked about it first. As far as loving them, man I love like 5 women but it this society you can only choose one to be with. That is the way it is. Choose well brotha and be consistent and stay wit it!

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