Open Friday: From Ashy to Classy The Haven For Misogyny

The past two weeks I received two emails that were very interesting. I want to highlight both of these letters and dive into a theme that both have in concerns of From Ashy to Classy…MISOGYNY. I am actually not going to respond to these letters directly I want to see what you all think about the critiques and give me your opinion. I originally had a post written in response to this articles but I stopped my inital responses because I wanted to sit back and see what more of the readers thought.

Letter #1

Dear Darryl,

Please do not take offense by my remarks. It is merely an observation. I am a white 53 year old Jewish woman. I write articles on love and its relationship to mental health and brain chemistry. I came across your webpage. I need to express to you first from a physiological place your explanation of what happens to a man post orgasm has no scientific basis. Conversely my reason for writing is it appears from your page that you are a bright, young black male with a talent for journalism and writing. The type of genre you will attract will hopefully be bright vibrant young and old ( like myself) readers with an intelligence for reading fun and interpreting it as such. Yet there will be some women, young and not quite as savvy as some and will interpret your blog on post male orgasm as an avenue to modulate how a man feels for them and how to base their actions. Your writings are somewhat male chauvinistic, misogynist,  and degrading to women. Particularly black women that generationally have a hard time securing solid relationships with black men that are intelligent and forthcoming about what they want out of life without basing their choices for mates only on the act of sex. Your account of having a sexual relationship from a position that the women does not see the partners face is degrading to women (not from the position alone, but from the implications that you accuse). And the only thing that a women, black and young or old, white and Jewish young or old, or any woman for that matter should do with a sandwich after engaging in any intimate behavior with a man like that (hence I do misuse the word imitate as there is lake there of in your description) is to throw it at him and move herself rather quickly to a higher standard of excellence.

Thanks for reading ….good luck with your blog…

angry-man-3

Letter #2

Dear From Ashy to Classy,

I found your site from Black Enterprise’s Top 20 Black Bloggers of 2012 post and really liked your interview and perspective. I decided to come check out some of your posts. I am a graduate student studying Woman’s studies and figured you seemed like you would be a champion for women’s causes. After going through many of your posts I found that I was sadly disappointed in the perspectives. I found that many of your writings were misogynistic as hell under the veil of being a black conscious brother. You write things that are harmful to women and don’t further any conversation. You make women feel like you are the end all be all of knowledge. You write posts that big up black women but snarkly on the undertone you are coming at them and trying to make them “correct” the things wrong with them. Well why don’t you address what is wrong with black men. You talk a lot about accountability but there is always that undertone that seems to be directed particularly at women. Even your podcast reps of male entitlement and is nothing but male chauvinism and misunderstanding of women by you and your co-hosts. You speak  as an authority on subjects when you are nothing but just a guy with average thoughts that can write. From what I have read on this site I have seen this site as the haven for misogyny especially misogynists who want to where sheep clothing. Just another black writer who thinks they know black culture and black women. If you even have a girlfriend I feel sorry for her having to deal with a man like you is the worst kind of misogynist the undercover kind.

So there are the two letters? What do you think about the letters and if you don’t want to respond here you can hit me at fromashy2classy@gmail.com.

Make sure you check out this week’s episode of the “Straight Outta Lo Cash” Radio Show. This week’s show “We Are Just Some Class Klowns” feat. comedian Terrell Tate. You can also subscribe to the show on I-Tunes or listen on your Android, I-Phone, or I-Pad with Stitcher Radio.

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22 responses to “Open Friday: From Ashy to Classy The Haven For Misogyny

  1. Maybe it’s because I know Darryl in person as a friend that I don’t see him the same way as the women who wrote the letters. His writing and podcasts only show ONE side of him! To imply that Darryl hates women is a slap to the face of all of us that have been helped by his advice! In my experience, men are not always so forthcoming with the way they feel about women unless it’s in a negative format. Then again, those men are simply reacting to the women around them. If you want to be treated like a lady, stay classy. If you wanna be trashy, accept the degradation of your life!

    • How a woman acts is none of his concern. The problem is that a class of men think it is their job to dictate female behavior and if it doesn’t align with their views they are within their rights to judge it. As a Black woman, I believe in personal responsibility so I behave in a manner that is consistent with my inner morals. The issue I take with this male is he assumes some sort of moral authority over other adults. He is constantly picking apart black women, as too fat, too loose, too smart, to ignorant. If you have that much of a problem there are options. Celibacy, homosexuality, white women. His posts are nothing more than thinly veiled misogyny under the guise of self help.

  2. These women act like you’re supposed to speak from their perspective. But you can’t, cause you’re a guy. You do put women up on game on what men think, and give them things they can do to change certain situations. If some of what SOLC talks about goes over some women’s’ heads, that’s not your fault. Its OK to not share the same views, but the chick in letter #2 didn’t have to get so personal. You must have said something that hit home. Keep doing ya thing man.

  3. Are they looking to get you to change? Why? Because their idea of how you should be is more important than you being comfortable with who you are? If you are a misogynist, so what. You shouldn’t be expected to change who you are because a couple of strangers decided how you are isn’t ‘right’, ‘good enough’, etc. Now, if you take their words, do some self-reflection and decide to adjust your stances or how you communicate your opinions, then so be it. But all too often, criticism is nothing more than the criticizer selfishly tell you how YOU should be.

  4. I haven’t been reading your blog that long, and haven’t read the post that the first letter writer referenced, but so far I enjoy it. It’s not perfect – nothing is – but I think it’s a welcomed change from a LOT of other black male blogs that come across as misogynistic to ME.
    Both of these ladies seem a bit extreme, and that’s coming from someone who considers herself a feminist. The second lady is writing about how this blog makes HER feel, not women, I hope she realizes that. She didn’t really give an example of a post that made her feel that way. That’s not really helpful.

  5. Finally voices of reason! Thank God….What would black women do without old Jewish white women….? Seriously, I take the blog and the podcast with a grain of salt, part of the appeal is that is comes from “regular guys.” Maybe y’all aren’t perfect but I always took the blog/podcast as light entertainment. Issues have been and will continue to be addressed and if there are misogynist undertones then hopefully it’s nothing that the right dialogue between y’all and your fanbase can’t fix….

  6. Yea, those two letters came from the same person! If not, they know each other. However; she is entitled to her own opinion.

  7. First of all, people fail to realize that a lot of Diggame’s opinions are to be taken with a grain of salt and some tequila shots with a side of lemon/lime for good measure. Meaning: they aren’t as serious as they come out. A lot of what he says is to entertain. It is how he feels. However, the tone is to be taken lightly. You are supposed to read it, see his point, and keep it moving.

    They are taking things way too far.

  8. Your blog is merely an attempt by an educated black man to gain insight and better understand comptemporary issues. World Star Hip Hop and various YouTube Anti-black female vlogs are more of a concern to me.

  9. In my experience women who throw around the terms misogyny and patriarchy typically do not know what either means and are projecting their own insecurity unto the person they label. D, dust off your collar and keep doing that beautiful thing you do. If A2C is the haven for Misogyny then The Hall of The Black Dragon must be the KKK of gender relations.

    Thanks for airing out these out… sometimes people don’t understand how crazy people can get on the internet.

  10. Wow… this was a bit of a surprise. I actually have dated a guy who “I” believe to be a misogynist and D is very far from it. I actually don’t believe many men are misogynists, but I do believe that there are a lot of men who don’t understand or even care to try to understand women and those men attempt to condemn and defame women due to their lack of understanding of us (that actually does more damage to our well being/society than any misogynistic man can, at least I know where I stand as a woman with a misogynistic man <—- one that I can't attempt to please or reason with, just way too many other men out here for me to even begin to use my time and energy dealing with the psych of a misogynist and i mean even in general every day to day life- i am no psychotherapist… but the way men shrug their shoulders at domestic violence and rape and other ways women are continually mistreated/abused and sometimes condone it and yes, some women condone it, as well, but that way of thinking even from women still comes from MEN, all the psychiactric help in the world can not get me to understand it, I will continue to be crazy as sh**) I also don't believe that is the case, in any way, when it comes to Dig. I do realize that I actually know D and that may make me a bit biased. But that also makes me more knowledgeable about who D is as a person, which these 2 women do not know. I will not attempt to judge the 2 of them simply based off of their letters of opinion, because I don't know them personally. But what I can say is that D is definitely NOT misogynistic and for them to throw that word out there is a bit disturbing and even severe. Both women are entitled to their opinion and if in truth they have read many of your posts and that is their conclusion I also see it as very arrogant to simply dismiss them and not choose to self reflect and try to understand the reasoning of their opinion.
    There are probably more women(or men) who feel the same, but simply haven't spoken out or wrote you about it. It's easy for the people who agree and/or applaud you to take sides, but some wouldn't want to appear disrespectful even if their is open discussion because this is your blog and because that's simply how ppl work. It's easy for ppl to express their difference of opinion with a fool or someone they know isn't on the same intellectual level but a conscious brother they would probably digress. I believe that they were attempting to offer constructive criticism and wanting some feedback. One persons views, especially from any type of social media, is very easily misconstrued. I would use their letters as a means to assist me as I continue to further progress. There are many sides to look at in response to these letters, like the difference of race (yes, yes, it matters, i apologize if that seems offensive and the fact that they are women, religion, etc.) When ppl are different certain views and relationships simply can not be understood by them, even if they seem intellectually capable. There's a sense called FEELING and it can't be truly explained with words. Your perspective is from a Black man's side of things and that is what this blog is about you can't expect all ppl to understand it or even approve. That I know you understand and have accepted but the misogynist attack is what is bothering you and I apologize for that. That would be an uncomfortable pill for any man like you to swallow, but continue to do your part in helping all of us understand one, if not many a, Black man's perpectives.

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  14. I think both of the letter writers are reading your pieces through a lens that is determined to find something negative to say about your pieces. What they have said is not true. Keep doing what you’re doing, brother!

  15. Pingback: Open Friday: Am I Wrong For Wanting My Man to Change Jobs For Me? | From Ashy to Classy·

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