Open Friday: Can I Let Him Go And Still Be His Friend???

Dear Dig,

Ok the situation: there’s a guy I’ve known for about three years. It started off as us dating but eventually went to a sexual relationship. I caught feelings and the arguments started because he lost interest but gained interest in our sexual conquest. So long story short, he had got in two relationships and now have two kids, one and a newbie. I told him about a month ago I want to end what we have. My thing is he is also a friend because he helped me when I didn’t have a car, provided groceries etc. How do i deal with this? Should i cut him off cause its obvious all he wants is sex or continue talking to him because he is a friend?

T.O. Badd

side chick

Thanks for reading FATC and writing in!!

Let’s get to your letter though. You stayed around why he had two other seeds..DAMN!! Is your name Cassie? LOL!! Just kidding….This is a sticky situation because I understand your loyalty to the brother. The question you have to ask yourself is can you just be friends with him without him catching you slippin and gets a chance to drop his dip stick in your engine. I don’t know how much he was there for you but if he was just there financially you are putting a price on your cooch in my eyes. And that’s cool if you are cool with that aspect in life but if you feel you are worth more than that him financially being there isn’t a reason to keep him lingering around. But the thing was you aren’t cool with being a side piece jump off obviously from the tone of your letter.

The question you need yourself is: Do you still want to be with him? What I mean by that is we can talk the game and even tell the person we are done dealing with them but he never gonna believe you are done with him until that interaction decreases. He has banged you out on the side for two years you really think he believes he is done hitting it just because you told him so?

Sometimes the best thing at the end of the day is to practice a military practiced called “scorched earth policy”.  Basically you leave the situation behind destroying anything the enemy can use, never look back it and move forward to the next goal.  This can be used in your situation as well. There is nothing wrong with severing that soul tie and moving forward because how you going to move forward with that lingering “friendship” in the background.

We teach people how we want to be treated by what we allow them to do to us. You can have a special place for him in your heart but he clearly doesn’t want to be with you the way you want to be with him. You can be cordial and cool but no need to be friends with him. Thank him for everything he has done but keep it moving. But ask yourself are you ready to really move on?

What do you think? Should she at least stay friends with this guy? Speak On It!!

Make sure you check out this week’s episode of the “Straight Outta Lo Cash” Radio Show. This week’s show “We Are Just Some Class Klowns” feat. comedian Terrell Tate. You can also subscribe to the show on I-Tunes or listen on your Android, I-Phone, or I-Pad with Stitcher Radio.

 

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13 responses to “Open Friday: Can I Let Him Go And Still Be His Friend???

  1. No! You two had yall fun. He made two children during so evidently there will be no future for you guys. You owe him nothing so there is no need to feel like you have to tolerate him as a friend or FWB. Nevermind the fact that he has been there to help you at times. You still owe him nothing. Free yourself from being stagnant in this relationship

  2. Damn she was a good ass side chick/ bustdown to be around that long. You have to commend her to an extent. Good side chicks like that don’t exist anymore!! She gonna let him hit again though most of them always do…then say it ain’t no good men

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  4. This chick right here must have literally had stupid written across her forehead!!! Two years being a side jonz while he had two kids! Come on have more pride in yourself!!

  5. This is a bad situation. Seems like this is a classic case of manipulation on the guy’s end. He knows that she is vulnerable and is taking advantage of that. Basically there is a bare minimum need that he has to fulfill to keep her attention while he explores other options. She, needs to wisen up and realize that she is being played. He is getting everything he wants from her (which isn’t very much) and is happy while she is stressing out about it. Cut the relationship off completely, take space to heal and then MAYBE you can ATTEMPT to be friends.

  6. Without rancor or remorse, you should walk away from this un-relationship. I do not normally subscribe to the scorched-Earth policy of relationships, but in this instance, I prescribe and recommend bombing the site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.

    He has made it clear, he will have other relationships (and children) without concern for your feelings or opinions. He has let you know, while you may have feelings for him, he has none for you. He may have been helpful to you in the past but this is likely far more about him maintaining access to you, rather than any particular level of concern.

    It may be difficult because you have feelings to simply turn away, but this man does not consider you HIS friend. It might be best if you return the favor and expand your horizons to include people who consider you important enough to actually establish a meaningful relationship with.

    Stop sleeping with him. Don’t answer his calls or texts, if you do, your body will almost always betray you. As long as you do that, you will find it almost impossible to let him go. Take up a new and difficult sport. Something that keeps you working, learning and physically exhausted. It will take your mind off of him and perhaps expose you to someone actually worth knowing.

    Good luck.

  7. Please define friend. A friend doesn’t keep you on the hook for 3 years while maintaining relationships and having children with other women. Why would you even want to be friends or anything else with someone who is so obviously lacking in character?

    A common theme I’m seeing in advice forums is women struggling with trying to maintain friendships with exes. Why the hell are you putting yourself through this stress in order to maintain some bogus friendship? If it’s causing stress and drama, if there isn’t mutual respect and the friendship doesn’t develop organically, why bother? You don’t owe him anything.

    I agree 100% with Digg and Ebonstorm above. Tell him you don’t want to hear from him again. Don’t give an explanation – you don’t have to (he will only try to argue his way out of it b/c who wants to give up a sweet situation like this without a fight?). Ignore all communication from him going forward. Block him from social media and email and move on with your life. Stay single for a while. Work on your self-esteem and evaluate why you accepted this bs for so long. Figure out what you DO want and learn to accept nothing less.

  8. Why is the woman a stupid side piece and the guy a manipulator? I believe both were getting what they wanted …sounds mutual to me. The relationship went from dating to sex without responsibility – that’s a mutual decision. In the time he was with two other woman, I doubt you were home waiting – that sounds like a mutual decision. There are no victims here there are no bad guys here. There’s decision making here. Take ownership of the good times you chose to have; acknowledge that good sex leads to feelings and make another decision to now be responsible from here on out. There are no bad people here, no stupid people, no manipulators or victims ….there’s a person who had enough and a person who still wants more.

  9. Great advise Digg. U were very honest with her. There was a lot of great advice given from the comments. I hope U guys were able to help her make a decision.

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