When I was looking for a/mate/love I couldn’t find one but once I was no longer looking people came out of the woodworks.” ~Everybody
This is doubly true for men. A man in a relationship is far more attractive than a man who is not in one.
*****Note When I use the term “man” I am only referring to males who are of age and mentally, physically, socially and spiritual mature*****
It isn’t because he has physically changed or that people “always want what we can’t have”, his status in life hasn’t magically improved tenfold nor has he learned how to please every potential mate. But without fail something does “magically”happen to make him more appealing to others. We have to look at the man at different stages to understand
Perks: He is generally fun-loving, caring, attentive, good company, and decent in bed (yes that matters).
Quirks(if you are trying to “settle down”): He is generally unavailable emotionally, socially and physically because he is spread thin with dating/living/working, at times he’s painfully honest or distant, very concerned with sex and he is not as focused on his future in a relationship. He’s single and enjoying “the single life”!
There is nothing wrong with him; that is the state of things. This does not make him a “dog, woman-hater, pimp, hoe, bad person…” He is doing things according to what he wants for himself at that time (which we all do). Unfortunately that may conflict with a person who is looking for something more stable.
“Man in transition”…
He is “technically single” but actively looking for “The one”.
Perks: All those of the “single man” plus he is less spread thin (or at least puts forth more of an effort to prioritize those he is “seeing”, he is still honest but he’s more considerate with his words, still very concerned about sex however he is “looking for something deeper”.
Quirks: he is a lot more “picky” than the “single man” and often will spend more time than thinking about what he wants than doing the things to get what he wants
“Neophyte man” Shortest stage
He is no longer in transition he has found “the one(s)” and only has eyes for that person.
Perks: He is very enthusiastic about his new-found relationships and all else pale in comparison. He is willing to do “whatever it takes to make it work”
Quirks: He becomes (for a short while) judgmental and even hostile about love and relationships. He “isn’t the same man” he used to be….
Which brings us to the prize *drum roll*
Perks: This man has gone through all the other stages and is now fun-loving, caring, attentive, good company, decent in bed, honest and considerate, has found something deeper and has done what it takes to keep it. He is even more mature and he has learned a little more about himself and others by trail and error. He can appreciate and even acknowledge the beauty of others without “the thirst” (I know… I know but I had to use it). He has more self-control and he’s more confident in himself.
Quirks: He is in a relationship…..
So there you have it in a nutshell…
And I wrote “Confessions of a Faitful Woman” so you know I know that you know that I am right…
This is all in good fun so don’t take yourself too seriously. Love is infinite and we can find it in all things and in many ways. Once we accept that more fully many of the “relationship problems” become null and void.
Make sure you check out this week’s episode of the “Straight Outta Lo Cash” Radio Show. This week’s show “Oh, We Gonna Get Up in That Ass” feat hip hop artist Corey Black. You can also subscribe to the show on I-Tunes or listen on your Android, I-Phone, or I-Pad with Stitcher Radio.