A Man In A Relationship Is Far More Attractive Than A Man Who Is Not

When I was looking for a relationship/mate/love I couldn’t find one but once I was no longer looking people came out of the woodworks.” ~Everybody

This is doubly true for men. A man in a relationship is far more attractive than a man who is not in one.

*****Note When I use the term “man” I am only referring to males who are of age and mentally, physically, socially and spiritual mature*****

black woman side chickThis applies to the “seeking monogamous” relationship scene

But why…..

It isn’t because he has physically changed or that people “always want what we can’t have”, his status in life hasn’t magically improved tenfold nor has he learned how to please every potential mate.  But without fail something does “magically”happen to make him more appealing to others. We have to look at the man at different stages to understand

“Single man”….

Perks: He is generally fun-loving, caring, attentive, good company, and decent in bed (yes that matters).

Quirks(if you are trying to “settle down”): He is generally unavailable emotionally, socially and physically because he is spread thin with dating/living/working, at times he’s painfully honest or distant, very concerned with sex and he is not as focused on his future in a relationship. He’s single and enjoying “the single life”!

There is nothing wrong with him; that is the state of things. This does not make him a “dog, woman-hater, pimp, hoe, bad person…” He is doing things according to what he wants for himself at that time (which we all do). Unfortunately that may conflict with a person who is looking for something more stable.

“Man in transition”…

He is “technically single” but actively looking for “The one”.

Perks: All those of the “single man” plus he is less spread thin (or at least puts forth more of an effort to prioritize those he is “seeing”, he is still honest but he’s more considerate with his words, still very concerned about sex however he is “looking for something deeper”.

Quirks: he is a lot more “picky” than the “single man” and often will spend more time than thinking about what he wants than doing the things to get what he wants

“Neophyte man” Shortest stage

He is no longer in transition he has found “the one(s)” and only has eyes for that person.

Perks: He is very enthusiastic about his new-found relationships and all else pale in comparison.  He is willing to do “whatever it takes to make it work”

Quirks: He becomes (for a short while) judgmental and even hostile about love and relationships. He “isn’t the same man” he used to be….

Which brings us to the prize *drum roll*

“Man in a relationship”woman-and-man

Perks: This man has gone through all the other stages and is now fun-loving, caring, attentive, good company, decent in bed, honest and considerate, has found something deeper and has done what it takes to keep it.  He is even more mature and he has learned a little more about himself and others by trail and error. He can appreciate and even acknowledge the beauty of others without “the thirst” (I know… I know but I had to use it).  He has more self-control and he’s more confident in himself.

Quirks: He is in a relationship…..

So there you have it in a nutshell…

And I wrote “Confessions of a Faitful Woman” so you know I know that you know that I am right…

This is all in good fun so don’t take yourself too seriously. Love is infinite and we can find it in all things and in many ways.  Once we accept that more fully many of the “relationship problems” become null and void.


Jamala Lott is an author of the book “Confessions of a Faithful Woman”. She can be found on twitter @SimplyMilele

Make sure you check out this week’s episode of the “Straight Outta Lo Cash” Radio Show. This week’s show “Oh, We Gonna Get Up in That Ass” feat hip hop artist Corey Black. You can also subscribe to the show on I-Tunes or listen on your Android, I-Phone, or I-Pad with Stitcher Radio.

Enhanced by Zemanta

10 responses to “A Man In A Relationship Is Far More Attractive Than A Man Who Is Not

  1. Good write up! Its just like in the wild. The most revered and like animals are always the most wanted because they feel they will reproduce the best offspring. The game don’t change as much as people think it will

  2. Man these chicks are on a low key cool with sharing a man because every chick wants they man. That’s why sometimes I will tell chicks I have a chick even when I don’t and wath them jump all over the dick! And they they want to complain that dudes aint shit but they are the ones who want dudes who are taken

  3. i get it. a man who is clearly demonstrating his ability to commit and be a reliable family man is definitely attractive. it’s why people who are currently employed will get hired before someone who isn’t.

    • and before anyone starts. obviously no one should be trying get with someone else’s man. that’s where the logic falls through b/c if he’ll cheat with you or leave his family for you then it follows that he’s not so committal after all….

  4. Interesting blog. Now I see why parents (moms) are so ready to talk to me and smiling and flirting. I thought it was because I teach S T E M.. Nice writing. .

  5. Pingback: The Date-Ability Score Chart « From Ashy to Classy·

  6. Pingback: Having Empathy For Someone’s Struggle | From Ashy to Classy·

  7. Pingback: You Are So Used To Losing That You Don’t Even Know When You Are Winning | From Ashy to Classy·

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s