The Word for The Day…”Rape”

Culture has a whole really has a problem contextualizing the idea of what rape is. We as a society in many ways have swept some facets of rape under the table because the nature of a rape incident. Most people think the scenario of rape is a guy in a dark alley that attacks a woman walking to her car. When the idea of rape is has so many forms and fashions to it and most of the time doesn’t involve the “guy in the dark alley”. I mean even A Tribe Called Quest told us about the classic example of even a date rape. A perfect example of this is the Steubenville, OH rape case that just recently wrapped up with two teenage boys being found guilty of sexual assault.

Steubenville, Ohio rapeThis incident in Ohio is the classic example of how this notion of rape constantly needs to be reevaluated.  The Steubenville case displays how we have embraced a culture of thinking that taking pictures and violating a woman is alright and fun and games. There is this idea that just because someone is drunk it admonishes things done to them (see all those situations with dudes teabag men passed out). These boys were definitely doing dumb high school antics but for all the boys involved to think it was a joke is the inherent problem. Not only is the girl been sexually assaulted but being put on tape and photographed is the coupe de gras The funny thing is that this isn’t just young high school boys who engage in this wack behavior. You have grown ass men out here who do and think these types of actions are funny and cool. The boys involved in this case have all the fault in the world but let’s not forget that these boys are that boys and they are part of system and society that looks the other way in situations such as this.

I have stated many times in the past that the woman is the most valuable thing in this world to man. This why you have men fight wars, protect, and get mad when another man takes umbrage with a man having his woman. The ill part about this all is that men have no problem defiling a woman as long as it’s not there woman and many times develop a “Madonna Whore Complex”. The idea that some women are not worthy of having their noncie defiled is the over handed issue.  Who’s right is it to choose what woman deserves to have done to them? Regardless of how much you believe that because of their reckless lifestyle or behavior does a woman deserve to be sexually assaulted.

One thing I have learned over the years is that many women around me have been raped if not sexually assaulted.  I think much of the lack of awareness is the idea most of men have no knowledge of the dynamics of rape and many times has not hit home for them. As a naïve young man I thought just like many people who rape was something that happened in a dark parking lot or was just something you see as a CBS movie of the week (Remember those?). Just like many things in this world most people do not understand or give a damn about something until it hits directly in their backyard or has effect someone they know/love.

The actions of all those involved in this situation are somehow at fault from the boys who instituted the assault, the boys shooting the video, and even the irresponsibility of the teen girl’s underage drunken situation. BUT as many people have tried to say that the girl has fault for drinking underage is one of the most asinine reasons out there. For instance if I leave my back door open it doesn’t mean you have a right to come and take whatever you want right? It was irresponsible for me to leave my back door wide open it doesn’t mean you have the right to come and take my things.

woman affected by rapeAt the same time the Steubenville incident isn’t anything new it happen back when I was in high school and college so, let’s not get all outraged and totally be appalled by what happen. The difference is that in this case you couldn’t turn a blind eye to this incident but it is right in front of your face every day with girls and women around you daily. Now you want these boys to have the book thrown at them for this incident but you really didn’t care too much about rape until you read/saw this case on CNN.

As a man who has dated a few women who have been dated who had been raped it really does hit a sore spot for me. The psychological and physical bearings of this are something that not only affects them but the people and world around you. Especially in the African-American community this is something we have to take hold to and understand its detriment. Then men wonder why some women are crazy as cat s**t in relationships. As the illustrious Doughboy said in Boyz in the Hood that applies across the board in life: “Either they don’t know. Don’t show or don’t care about what is going on…”

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22 responses to “The Word for The Day…”Rape”

  1. The brother had to get caught up in this foolishness with the drunken white girl. He should have known he was gonna get caught. We can’t sit here and front and not talk about how she has to have some blame in being in the situation right? If you don’t take care of yourself out here who will


          Bullshit. I’m calling you out. Never, ever, ever, ever, ever blame the victim. EVER. For any reason. What you’re doing is shaming the victim of a heinous crime. That’s like telling Jews who survived the Holocaust they got what they deserved because they should have put up more of a fight. Or should have left Europe when things started getting intense in the 30s.

          It has nothing to do with being PC and everything to do with rejecting rape completely, utterly and without exception.

          As soon as you make the excuse of “Well, she put herself in that situation”, you are giving the rapists an out. You are DEFENDING what they did.

          I feel terribly sorry for any young girl who becomes your daughter. Because she’ll feel like she has no room to make mistakes and that she will always be at fault if something bad happens to here.

          What a load of malarkey you’re dropping. As the father of a young girl and the husband of woman, I find what you’ve said so unconscionable as to be absurdly obtuse, disrespectful and selfish. It makes YOU feel better about what other men have done to women.

          • I’m not blaming the victim at all!! I am just saying that someone can’t always go off of someone elses respnsibility. We live in a world where anything can happen and a person male or female has to protect themself. This chick going out getting lights out drunk put her in a situation to be done like this. She has to have some kind of onis in this because of the situation she put herself in. Its like going into a neighborhood you know is bad and being surpised that something happen there

            • Again, putting “onus” on the victim is putting “responsibility/blame”…onus MEANS responsibility. You are saying that she’s partially at fault for a crime committed against her! The fact that you can’t see this means you really don’t sympathize with the victim and, in fact, are shaming her.

            • Um, I think the fact that the consequences of her mistake already took place. Should she be jailed for her own rape, too? So if you go into a bad neighborhood and something happens to you it’s your fault? What about people who can’t afford to move? You’re doing that whole “it could never happen to me” thing. KNOW that anything can happen to you at any given time no matter how “smart” or “cautious” you think you are.

    • I am gonna have to agree with you to an extent. Women have to learn to protect themselves. This is a very cold as world and a dog eat dog place. We can expect people only to do so much especially when we get pass out drunk. Where were her friends and other people? The parents at these houses?? The blame doesn’t all lie with these boys

      • She shouldn’t have to have “friends” and the parents should be able to leave their home and expect and require their children behave responsibly. The person who rapes someone is the ONLY one to blame for rape. Sad this world still has minds who not only think otherwise, but defend it rape, as well.

  2. The boys thought that if she didn’t remember anything it was ok. That whole ‘if a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it…’ thing. The girl shouldn’t have been drinking but the consequences of that should not be gang rape and humiliation.
    The problems I have with this are that so many people think it’s not sexual assault if someone is passed out drunk, and that it would even occur to guys to do something like this. Until there’s a shift in this misogynistic culture we live in, things like this will continue.

  3. I am truly appalled that sex/ sexuality has become so blasé (for lack of a better term) that sexual assault can even be thought of as a joke. I remember being super offended at the chick getting the smooth malt liquor dumped on her in a video while my friends said she shouldn’t have been so snooty. How, when, and why did it become okay to blame the victim in cases like this!? This culture of female disrespect is vile and frightening and continually detrimental to SOCIETY (ain’t no race card here) in general. Women are NOT property to be used and defiled for male amusement despite this being a near constant message in much of mainstream media. We can blame parents I guess. I would rather this be a starting point for reversing the culture of female hate.

  4. Unfortunately, this is nothing new. The comments coming from men and women in regards to rape are unbelievable. BUt this land is old, and rape has been around since the beginning of it. It is a defining act of punishment for women, simply because we are women, and it always has been. History tells a horrible story for women and rape, any progression made in the past is always diluted by the present and vice versa. Sad. I unforunately have known far too many women who have been raped and in their minds believe that “it is simply something that just happens to women.” (they believe that they deserve it) And I have cringed every since being a little girl to have to hear women who not only think this way but their actions show that they believe themselves to be unworthy and sometimes worthless (especially when standing next to a man) and anyone who can undenieably believe that isn’t a problem (to say the least) is a part of the problem. One i don’t believe this world will ever have a solution for. This world will scare the hell out of a person when thoughts of having children arise, for boys and girls, the fright is for different reasons, yet intertwined for the exact same

  5. Good piece. President Obama needs to make rape prevention a national priority. We need to have a national discourse about rape in America. Too often many women are afraid to disclose that they have been raped. There needs to be increased training for women about how to protect themselves from rape, and training should be provided to men about how to avoid aggressive behaviors and mentalities that lead to raping women.

    • Great suggestion, if only it would happen. I also believe that rape needs to be discussed and explained to all people, because everything isn’t rape. i really like your last sentence, because i’m not sure that people understand that their acts can lead to rape, even if the person never intended to rape or doesn’t have the “look” or “personality” of what ppl feel a rapist does (their is no one personality type or look, i am just stating how ppl think), their actions and choices can lead to raping someone. The fault is still theirs and no one elses.

      • Yes, it’s tremendously important to discuss the types of behaviors that can lead to rape and that do lead to rape. Pressure from numerous Americans will have to be placed on President Obama before rape becomes a national issue. Yes, a national discourse on rape is essential so that we can have the American people to understand what constitutes rape and what does not.

  6. If you leave your back door open, it’s not right for anyone to come in and take your stuff but yo ass deserves it lol. ;)

  7. Reblogged this on As Told By Erica and commented:
    Really great article. I feel like these boys need to be punished to the fullest extent of the law. It does not matter if she’s drunk, high as a kite, dressing provocative or whatever the case is. NO woman deserves to be sexually abused no matter what the situation is. Rape happens too much in today’s society and to me it’s like this issue gets swept under the rug because nobody wants to talk about it but they need to. Rape can be very damaging to ones self esteem and total over well-being. Women need to be treated with respect not like worthless beings & their bodies need to be respected.

  8. Pingback: In The Review: Define Yourself Redefine the World: A Guide For Black Boys and Men | From Ashy to Classy·

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