Relationship Titles…What Is The Point?

My male friend and I always seem to have this discussion because for the life of me, personally, I didn’t get it. Him and a female friend are doing everything a COUPLE would do: text/call each other everyday, have sex, show PDA, he gives her money, buys her things etc BUT he says they are not dating. At first, I was like ‘WHAT?! All of that for over 6 months and you guys are not dating??’ What am I missing?? His response, ‘I don’t believe in titles. I care for her, she cares for me. I’m not ready for a relationship.’ Ummm hello??? You don’t converse with any other women, she’s the only one you take out…help me out ya’ll!! So after a few arguments, doing some research I semi understand where he’s coming from because friends help out friends all the time but….

black-couple-having-conversationOk so I’m old fashion: flirt with a guy, get the digits, we go out and connect, stay in contact, go out more, start liking each other than the DATING begins. I believe when you’re dating it means you look forward to building something with that person and not ‘sow your oats’ (I believe that’s the correct phrase) everywhere else (disagree if you may). Now I know this is the new age and everybody is doing things extremely different. There’s more ‘go with the flow’ attitudes floating around here rather than people sitting down and having an adult conversation about where this could be going. I know who does that anymore?? Well honestly if people started doing that don’t you think it will be less tire slashing, crazy people and less tension? Another thing is that people are not addressing their needs or feelings upfront which could cause some strain in the relationship or whatever you want to call it.

Gentlemen you can’t continue to sweet talk a lady, give her some ‘good’ almost everyday and not expect any questions. I mean don’t get me wrong, it’s some women that have a ‘no strings attached’ rule but that’s rare. In a females eyes if the tables were switched and the guy see he is not a priority, then he most likely will get upset. For obvious reasons, he want you all to himself but don’t want to be committed or doesn’t want anyone to have you (especially if you got that ‘come back’). So petty of them!

What’s popular now are the side chicks. These chicks have a known popularity all across the world from celebrities to everyday normal human beings like us. Women look at these chicks as desperate, whores, skanks, or ‘can’t get their own man’ types but in reality who can you blame? Don’t get your panties in hunch lades, no I don’t agree with a man cheating and having another piece on the side but this woman has no idea how to consume the attention, gifts, PDA, attention and….love. See the guy is talking mad game and this girl feeds into it without knowing his situation.

In this case, a title is discovered: sidechick.

diary of a tired black manBut how much trouble do think would have been saved if this was talked about upfront? The moral of my story kids is when you meet someone make sure you know what you are getting into before the feelings get too attached. Trust me, I have had instances were I was led on because my fantasies were fulfilled but it didn’t turn into a happily ever after ending. People get their hearts broken because of this and unnecessary arguments. Who wants all that drama and there’s not even a relationship established?

It doesn’t make sense to try to claim someone by doing things for them, satisfying them in so many ways but not commit? I asked my friend, ‘if you are not dating this girl, why drag her along with whatever you are doing for her?’ No real answer was given but I know and come on, everybody is not stupid! He gets upset if she is out with someone else which is retarded to me. I’m the type of chick who gets it and some men are intimidated by that but hey what can I say? Titles…do they even exist anymore?

This week’s guest post comes courtesy of Tasha Owens (@natural_nerd) of the blog Poetic Mama.

Make sure you check out this week’s episode of the “Straight Outta Lo Cash” Radio Show. This week’s show “F*** Chuck Norris and Any 70+ year Old Man” with special guest singer JLR. You can also subscribe to the show on I-Tunes or listen on your Android, I-Phone, or I-Pad with Stitcher Radio.

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14 responses to “Relationship Titles…What Is The Point?

  1. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately so excuse the ramble…

    I’ve been in situations where me and a guy behaved like a couple but I was told that he wasn’t “ready for a relationship right now.” I think we’ve all been there in some way or another. What I’ve learned is that you can enjoy someone’s companionship but not see a long term future with them and I think that’s what your friend is doing. He could very well be leading that woman on with that “I’m not ready right now” stuff, but who knows she may be cool with it or see him as Mr. Right Now, too.
    I’ve also learned: we all have choices in what we choose to accept; heartbreak is not something we can completely shield ourselves from; and everybody doesn’t necessarily know exactly what they want when they start dating.

    People are dating w/ titles and getting married everyday, b. I say date someone with no expectations and if you (general you) get to the point where you want to be exclusive and they hit you with some bs (cuz that’s what the hemming and hawing really is), bounce. Nothing wrong w/ wanting what you want…just find someone who wants the same.

  2. Plain and simple the game goes like this women control the sex and men control the relationship. Its a constant cat and mouse game that we all go through. And another thing is most of us don’t like the people who really like us. Its kind of like a sick psychology hing we have to break from. But, a woman should take a man for what he showing her not what she wants it to be

  3. Whats the point of a relationship title? Spend 3 years with a guy and ask about marriage. If he says “marriage aint nothing but a title” then see how you feel. lol If you’re someones significant other, how significant are you without one?!! Now it’s not to say that if someone has a title then they’re going to get treated better or that they are going to have certain feelings for you, but with a title comes expecation.. If someone isn’t willing to give you a title then they’re letting you know that “no matter how much I dig you, don’t expect anything from me.. These are just freebies…”

  4. Lets get straight to the point. In my experience, when people (usually men) say they don’t want a title, it’s because of two things. A.) They can get all the benefits of said title without fulfilling all of the requirements. and B.) Because they don’t want all the responsibility that comes with a title. I get that everyone can make their own ‘relationship’ rules, however based on documented evidence, it is rare that the lack of a committed title is the woman’s doing. Unfortunately, women have a bad habit of settling for something rather than nothing. Sure, every once and a while, you’ll get your ‘waiting to exhale’ moment when you decide to walk way on old boy cause he’s not giving you the 80% you deserve, but 80% of the time women will go along with his plan with the hopes that things will change and they r a r e l y do.

    Even though I am definitely guilty of playing that role a time or few, I wish that we as women were stronger in the sense that we could be content with platonic friendships, and spending time with ourselves to a point where we didn’t settle for pseudo relationships to pass time. Any man that wants to be with you, will want to BE with you. He’ll want a title as to claim his prize, if you will. So miss me with that “I don’t do titles BS” because what you really mean is, I don’t like you enough to have my name attached to yours as an extension of me.

  5. The title don’t mean a damn thing if he don’t treat you accordingly. Females get caught up in the title instead of how the man is treating you. They will be like YO! He my man, husband, etc but he treat you like shit. Worry about building the relationship more than a title. The title comes in due time and process just like anything in life. But, a lot of chicks won’t get that part of the game and be single and lonely and mad at men

  6. I think its nice not to have titles when you first start dating someone, but that they are eventually needed….and they need to be discussed and defined so expectations and intentions are clear. Without it a lot of misunderstandings can come up.

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  8. The problem is people spend too much time in relationships vs on personal development. The fact that “a title” is needed to define a relationship vs how those in the relationship behave is interesting to me. We spend sooooooooo much time and energy on trying to find “the one” not understanding that we have to find that inside. Maybe if everyone stopped trying to define themselves by their relationships we could focus are being better people which would make us more trust worthy, honest, up front, loyal, etc. In addition marriage and relationship are not for everyone but so many people have believed that hype that the ultimate goal in life is to “find that ONE person and settle down” and it isnt.

  9. People say why? i say why not? I think it’s because we want to be eventually on the road to marriage and we want to make sure we are spending our time wisely. We want to be with someone who doesnt want to run around hitting every betty that comes around. A title kinda helps ensure that happens lol

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