The Marcus Graham Chronicles: You Won’t Know About Love Until There is Conflict

“The Marcus Graham Chronicles” is my personal journey of dealing with love and relationships. It is called the “Marcus Graham Chronicles because of my affinity for the movie “Boomerang” and how the main character of Marcus Graham relates to me as the “black professional” man. You can check out earlier posts in this series HERE.

In Boomerang, Marcus Graham (Eddie Murphy) goes through an evolution that many men go through at some point in their life. In his progression and evolution of a man has two serious relationship situations he was in. One was with Jacqueline Broyer (Robin Givens) his high-octane marketing executive boss and the other Angela Lewis(Halle Berry) the quirky optimistic art director. Both relationships Marcus learns about love, women, relationships as whole, and moreover himself. Marcus came into conflict with both women at various points in his relationships with them (some were caused by him). The key point of these relationships is how conflict constructed each relationship.

People always want to understand love in relationships and if the love they are in is real. People toil over moments in the relationship to understand the love in the relationship. Many times we come up with convoluted reasons or notions to know we are in love or that our relationship is real. But, the truth of the matter is that you won’t know a thing about the love in your relationship until you all have conflict.

Eddie Murphy and Robin Givens-BoomerangWhen we think of love and a healthy relationship we always think about the good times so why would you look at conflict in a relationship to see how much your live stands? You can learn a lot about a person and where your relationship stands through conflict because conflict is the place where you actually learn the most about yourself. The way someone is able to work through conflict or arguments is more telling than the good times. Just about everyone is all good when you are putting a smile on their face and following their template of happiness but what happens when you veer of this and conflict comes into play. I believe that the most growth in our relationship comes from that conflict we have. Relationships are like a mirror that tells us just as much about who we are than the other person and it is within conflict that we learn the most about who WE ARE.

We have all been in a relationship where everything is going all good but when in conflict comes that’s when things change. That’s because that is the beginning and most important part of the relationship…CONFLICT.  Marcus’ experience in seeing two different forms of conflict was able to learn not just about the women he was dealing with but how strong their love was. One could say that many of the issues Marcus was going through were because of his own issues (which is true). But, if you look how both women handled conflict in the relationship both styles should a lot about their personality and how much they loved Marcus. Jacqueline’s style was very vague, non-confrontational and dismissive.

Marcus Graham: What are you talking about? Am I getting serious? What is that?

Jacqueline: You know, do you want this to grow into a relationship where were together ALL the time? God. [laughs] Stuff like that. Are you?

Marcus Graham: Whoa. Excuse me. I know you’re not telling me that New Orleans was a fling.

Jacqueline: No, no, no. I had a great time in New Orleans. You know I had a great time in New Orleans.

Marcus Graham: So, what’s the problem?

Jacqueline: I just think New Orleans was New Orleans, and we should leave it at that.

While Angela on the other hand even in her conflict with Marcus is very upfront, straight forward, and displayed her emotion.

Marcus: But, I Love you.

Angela: What do you know about love? What could you possibly know about love? You know, I’m sick and tired of men using love as if it’s some disease you just catch. Love should have brought your ass home last night.

He was able to see in both conflicts with both women not only who he was and what he needed to become but how much love the women had for him. The mirror that relationships show was reflecting to Marcus of who he was. And in that reflection he was able to see the difference between what he wanted and what he needed.boomerang halle berry and eddie murphy

We cannot get away from conflict in a relationship so why don’t we understand that conflict will make our relationship stronger, show us about ourselves, and where we stand. When we run away from confrontation and conflict it robs us of the life lessons we are supposed to be learning from that person and conflict. Maybe the conflict we are going through is something that will actually make your love and relationship stronger. How are we supposed to become a better person for a relationship when we constantly run away from the conflict expecting things to always be happy?

We all go through pain and struggle and no one wants the same kind of feelings we have had before. What we learn from conflict many times can save us heartache and pain in the future. If the person we are dealing with is constantly dismissive or running away from the conflict what does that say about the person you are with? Not saying they aren’t able to get through conflict but it does have to make you question if they want to work through conflict with YOU? Real love maybe sitting right around the corner from conflict and growth. Just think about the next time you want to run away from relationship conflict…You don’t learn about love/someone in a relationship until there is conflict.

Make sure you check out this week’s episode of the “Straight Outta Lo Cash” Radio Show. This week’s show “Music is My Life” with from NBC “The Voice” contestant James Irwin. You can also subscribe to the show on I-Tunes or listen on your Android, I-Phone, or I-Pad with Stitcher Radio.

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23 responses to “The Marcus Graham Chronicles: You Won’t Know About Love Until There is Conflict

  1. Ohhh my this post right here! Not much to be said but so much truth here! I neededto read this

  2. Dead on! It’s so easy to be together while things are easy.. The true test is seeing how this person deals with adversity, or how the two of you deal with adversity. Good post!

  3. I think this goes with the grass being greener on the other side. Most of the chicks I have dealt with will only want to go through shit with you unless you are the dude they think you want you to be. Missing out on other great en just cause they wont be about them. Attention whores and women who don’t understand the flow of this game will have this go over their head

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  7. This is true I’m in my mid 20’s and I didn’t learn this until about a yr ago. I used to be one of those ppl who tried to avoid conflict, but since I know this know everything couldn’t be better. My motto “instead of worrying about the grass being greener on the other side, tend to your own lawn first.”

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  11. Like this write up justhave to get most men and some women to really look at releationships how they used to be with love and care

  12. True love is willing to overcome challenging conflicts. When people easily allow conflicts to cause their relationships to end, the relationships were not based on authentic love in the first place.

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