When it comes to dating and relationships we all get into these ideals of who we want out of a relationship. Many times the things we believe we want are not in unison with the things we need in a relationship. We move around putting up this template of how we expect and “deserve”(I hate that word deserve) someone to be. This template we have sometimes clouds our judgment so much that we never really date a person for who they are we end up dating the agenda we have. Then get disappointed and blame the other person for not meeting our expectations when it was our template or ideals that set them up for failure in the first place. We have to stop love our template so much and love a real person.
When is the last time you dated a person for who they really were instead of who you wanted them to be? Sometimes we put people in a hole before things start because we put our diagram of how they are supposed to be on them instead of loving or being interested in them for who they presently are. There is nothing wrong with dating or being in a relationship off a person with potential. But, ask yourself are you looking for potential in who they can really be or who YOU want them to be? There are two a big difference between what we want a person to be and what they are truly capable of being.
Have you ever thought the person maybe only following your template to be with you?
At some point that they will fall from the template that we setup and we will blame them for not making and meeting all of our needs. When in actuality it was our template that they were trying to fit because we didn’t allow them to be who they were. We decided to love our template so much that they decided to keep or be with us that they would follow our template. What if our template is all messed up because we don’t know ourselves? How are we able to decipher if we are holding someone to a correct standard in the first place if we haven’t been working to understand ourselves? What if the things we have on this template are all out of wack because we don’t understand even want out of love? Sometimes we attract we are many times. Many times relationships are like a mirror and the person we are with actually is reflecting back to us things we need to learn about ourselves and maybe showing us that our “template” probably is not what we really want.
Love is Only as Good as The Person Giving It
Are you putting your own agenda and wants on someone instead of looking at them for who they are and the love they can truly give you? Expecting more out of a person than they can actually give is a problem that WE have to understand. A person can only give the love they can give NOT the love we think we deserve. We also have to understand that a person can sometimes only love us by the way we love ourselves. Are you loving yourself and setting the example of how you want to be loved?If that is true the opposite must be true as well…A person can only accept love when they love themselves.
There is nothing wrong with being with the person for they are instead of putting our template on them. It makes us realize and accept the person for who they are now and either accept it or move on instead of hoping and waiting for more out of the person. There is nothing wrong with wanting a person to evolve and change but wanting them to change to our game plan is where we get into emotional trouble. I previously talked about needs vs. wants and how finding out the difference between them and how they are incorporated into our life are the most important thing. It is also being able to breakdown your needs enough to make them our wants.
Think about the person you are in a relationship with now. We put people in these templates then later realize that the template we constructed in our own mind and for them was bs first. Then after you sitting there listen to Monifah “I Miss You”. Are you dating/loving your agenda or really dating a real person? Are you become a slave to your love diagram instead of looking at the diagram present in front of you? There is nothing wrong with dating a person for who they are. Maybe we stop some of our heart-break and pain if we stop dating the template instead of who they are. On the other hand if we decide to love the real person instead of our template we can learn more about ourselves and experience a love we have never felt.
Make sure you check out this week’s episode of the “Straight Outta Lo Cash” Radio Show. This week’s show “Damn Things Done Changed”. You can also subscribe to the show on I-Tunes or listen on your Android, I-Phone, or I-Pad with Stitcher Radio.