“Some women aren’t meant to be tamed. Maybe they need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with them” ~Carrie Bradshaw
Like most little girls I have dreamed of my wedding day for as far back as I can remember. I have always been a hopeless romantic, one who believes in fairytales and happily ever after. I often catch myself daydreaming and fantasizing about my special day and all the details that are sure to make it special. A beautiful ivory designer gown (only virgins are supposed to wear white) complete with a full skirt and custom beading, a bridal party of ten bridesmaids, my son will walk me down the aisle and of Prince Charming waiting eagerly for me to meet him at the end of the aisle. (What can I say? I have one heck of an imagination) As I inch closer to thirty and further from twenty I have begun questioning if I am marriage material. Let’s be honest, from the moment a woman starts dating every man becomes a potential candidate for “husbandry”. (What’s the point in dating if marriage isn’t the goal?)
The idea of marriage comes naturally after falling in love and courting for months but marriage is not for everybody. If at some point you do decide that marriage is in your future, you have to be honest with yourself about what it is you are able to bring to the table. You can’t ask for or seek qualities in a man who yourself do not possess. The laws of attraction are very real; you can’t attract a good husband if you don’t have what it takes to be a good wife. (You will always get what you put out) If marriage is on your “to do list” you must be willing to do the work on self-first.
Five commandments to prepare yourself for marriage:
1) Thou Shall Not Be Uncompromising: marriage is a life-long commitment that is not to be entered lightly; it is the union of two becoming one. This does not mean you should completely lose yourself in your spouse, but it does mean that you have to learn the art of selfless love. You don’t want to isolate your spouse so much that mutual love cannot grow. You cannot receive without reciprocating and realistically believe that your marriage will be healthy. Your husband can’t carry the weight of your marriage on his own nor should he have to, the weight must be evenly distributed.
2) Thou Shall Not Be a Club Hopper: No man wants a woman who frequents the club scene nightly. When you are single and have no obligations waiting for you at home you can do as you please. Once you become a married woman all that has to take a back seat. There is nothing wrong with getting out with your girlfriends, as he should get out with his boys from time to time. You have to find a balance in marriage that allows you to make your husband a priority and still be true to yourself. Spending time with your husband and not in the clubs is a must. If you can’t find a healthy balance you may not be ready for marriage.
3) Thou Shall Not Be Jealous: Jealously is one of the ugliest characteristics a woman can possess, and if you are jealous before marriage you will only get worse once your last name changes. A healthy level of jealously can be good for a relationship, but extreme jealously can be detrimental and ultimately damaging. Extreme jealously is a sign of insecurity and professing your undying love under the sight of GOD and a ton of people you don’t know won’t change that. Once a man goes from being your boyfriend to your husband you will find yourself threatened by every woman he comes in contact with and drive yourself and him crazy. Get a handle on your issues or plan on being alone.
4) Thou Shall Not Be a Serial Cheater: This is a no brainer, if you have the need for variety then you should not have the notion that marriage is for you. I won’t go with the cliché’ saying “Once a cheater always a cheater”, but most people who have a track record of being promiscuous tend to follow that path rather married or not. There’s no point in settling down if you aren’t committed to truly settling down. Cheating during courtship is one thing, but cheating in your marriage is cheating on GOD considering you declared to be faithful under his sight.
5) Thou Shall Know One’s Self: It should go without saying that before you can get to know someone intimately you must know yourself first. Many people get married for all the wrong reasons and without truly being in tune with themselves. Women who marry early or for any reason other than true love eventually become unfilled and either want out or step out on the marriage. Take the time to invest in yourself before investing into someone else.
These are just a few observations that have been made while on my journey of self-discovery. As I work to find out if I am marriage material, I have accepted the fact that a wedding complete with a husband, dress and a cake may not be in my life’s plan. Does this mean I have to settle for anything less than butterflies and a happily ever after? No, not at all. Like Carrie Bradshaw said, some women just aren’t meant to be tamed, I am one of those women and there is nothing wrong with that.
“No time to marry, no time to settle down. I’m a young woman, and I ain’t done runnin’ around” ~Bessie Smith
Make sure you check out this week’s episode of the “Straight Outta Lo Cash” Radio Show. This week’s show “How Do You Get Dick From Richard?” feat Mark Bland . You can also subscribe to the show on I-Tunes or listen on your Android, I-Phone, or I-Pad with Stitcher Radio.