Two of the things that drive us as humans the most are survival and happiness. Both can many times go hand in hand but happiness is the ultimate thing we all want. We want to as Mr. Spock would say “live long and prosper”. They say life is short but life can also be long as hell if we make the wrong life choices and lead ourselves into certain spaces. The search for love and companionship is harder than implementing Einstein’s theory of relativity.
There is not a such thing as the fantasy of a soul mate but we can all work to find a great companion. We also have to understand that even though the idea of the proverbial soul mate in the fashion we were groomed to believe doesn’t exist that we need to understand who meshes well with us. The trick of the game is that we can’t constantly believe that we can get better (or the grass being greener) because what we think maybe better may not be the best for us. Jump around believing the next is going to always be the best isn’t mentally healthy. The energy of the world will only give us so many people to come into our life who will fit our matrix. We have to recognize the real from the fake people but at the same time realize the real and the fake in us.
One of my favorite films is Robert De Niro’s A Bronx Tale. The movie describes a boy Calogero’s coming of age story and learning the tools of being a man. There is a great scene in the film where Calogero is going out on a date and the local gangster Sonny is giving him advice on woman. Sonny gives him a few jewels but the most thing he said to Calogero:
You gotta do what your heart tells you to do. Let me tell you somethin’ right now. You’re only allowed three great women in your lifetime. They come along like the great fighters, every ten years. Rocky Marciano. Sugar Ray Robinson. Joe Louis. Sometimes you get ‘em all at once. Me? I had my three when I was 16. That happens. What are you gonna do? That’s the way it goes, you know? Tell you right now. See this girl? Maybe this girl, she put wind in your sails. Maybe she’s your first great one.
The scene didn’t mean much to me when I first saw the film but as I have grown in my life I have realized that this may not have literal truth( just 3 women) to it but it definitely has TRUTH in it. Just like many opportunities in life we have to be ready to take initiative to situations in front of us. There are many things that are inclusive in our relationship choices that are very pertinent and viable but sometimes we are just being selfish a-holes and are expecting more out of someone and many times can even give to a relationship ourselves. We have ALL done it in our past where we have practiced a scorched earth policy to a relationship for no real practical reason (hence the my reason for “The Marcus Graham Chronicles”). But, how many chances do we get to find that happiness we are looking for? Did we have happiness and that great feeling but the idea that we could get more or something different to make us happy cloud our judgment? Did we just not want to let the happiness evolve or were we just in love with the feeling of newness?
We sometimes can be a victim of our own preconceived notions that can contribute to our relationship ruin. I hear people complaining about their relationship situations and single woes but I always know in the back of my head that 9 times out of 10 they have probably passed by a great person and relationship because of their own selfish or immature decisions.
Love will come and go. Love will be lost and gained the key is learning from the losses and understand our detriment to it. We will never find ANYONE with everything we want in a relationship no one is going to just walk up to you, “Hey, all those things you dreamed and believed you could find in a love that you have developed in your psyche over the last few years is…RIGHT HERE”.
But once a good girl’s goin bad, she’s gone forever..
I’ll mourn forever
Shit I gotta live with the fact I did you wrong forever-
For the record, I am not going out here saying that we will all just have to put up with anything. If a person isn’t making you happy then you have every right to move on. BUT understand that in leaving that relationship that you may be giving up what you really need for your wants. The funny thing is life teaches us lessons that we either take heed to or totally dismiss. We all live with regrets and mistakes but many times we can’t correct those mistakes and go back to the loves we lost because that window has been closed. You can only take someone and that happiness for granted for so long before it is no longer there waiting for you.
One of the biggest things I have learned is working to decipher the difference between wants and needs. It is a very thin line between them both and many times can be cloudy but when you are able to make your needs become your wants is when we can come closer to who we are and what happiness we want. You can’t keep running around believe that you happiness will just happen to you because great and fulfilling love is far and in-between.
Make sure you check out this week’s episode of the “Straight Outta Lo Cash” Radio Show. This week’s show “The Saga of B.R.U.H” with Guest Brendolyn Marie. You can also subscribe to the show on I-Tunes or listen on your Android, I-Phone, or I-Pad with Stitcher Radio.