They always say that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. But do we really sit down and dissect and be comfortable with our lives. We want things to be on our own personal schedule when in actuality as I have written before it just wasn’t our time to shine. Are you thankful what you have in front of you? Do you take the tools you have around you to make things better? Or do you wallow in the idea that you don’t have what someone else has? This weeks guest post is from the homie Stacey Adamz (@staceyadamz) of The Ham Radio Show and she is going to delve into the issue of the grass being greener on the other side.

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Years ago there was a cartoon that came on Nickelodeon called “As Told By Ginger.” The lead character, Ginger Foutley, was in junior high school trying to get through adolescence with her 3 socially awkward  friends. Ginger was slightly cooler than the other members of her clique but still struggled with popularity and everything else that a 13 year old goes through.

What really got me interested in the show was the theme song, which was sung by Macy Gray.

Someone once told me the grass was much greener, on the other side
Well I paid a visit, but it’s possible that I missed it
They look different yet exactly the same
’til further notice, I’m in between
From where I’m standing…My grass looks green

Simple lyrics but for me they had a powerful message.

Recently, I turned 30. On my 29th birthday I spent the whole day in bed because I felt there was no need to celebrate. Everyone knows that life ends at 30, right? Once you turn 30, the game changes. You are no longer youthful. Your wardrobe turns into pant suits and hairstyles that rival that of the 1970s. Turning 30 has never been something that people looked forward to. There are several TV sitcom episodes dedicated to this phenomenon and the main character is always plagued with thoughts of regret and resentment towards the thought of living for 3 solid decades. But why is 30 so bad? For that matter, why is getting older looked at with such disdain and disgust? I spent the 30-days before I turned 30 pondering these things and doing a self evaluation. I came up with a few ideas. They aren’t scientific, but they definitely kept me from slitting my wrist when the clock struck midnight on my birthday.

The Bucket List:

If you are anything like me, during your childhood you created a list of things that you had to accomplish by a certain age. Things like graduating from college, getting married, buying a 4 bedroom house, owning a luxury vehicle, having 2 children (a boy and a girl), and becoming a manager/senior partner/HNIC in our profession. Whether the list was written down or memorized internally, we all have created some sort of grocery list with attainable and somewhat un-attainable goals that we felt would make us feel complete. But what happens when the clock is winding down and you haven’t accomplished these goals? Are you less of a person now? Are you a failure? Do you make a mad dash for the finish line filled with hoop dreams and that can-do attitude? Many of us try to fill the preverbial voids in our lives by making last ditch efforts to compensate for all the things we have never achieved. But for what? I’ll tell you why. We want to please that little girl or boy that we were at 10 years old. We want him or her to look at us and say “Yes, we did it. We are somebody.” Bullshit.

Green Grass:

 All of us have heard some old person say “The grass ain’t always greener on the other side” or “All that glitters ain’t gold” or some other old negro saying. But in all honesty, this is the truth. Why are we so concerned with what is on the other side of the fence. I’ll admit, I have peeked over those white picket fences and wished that I could frolick in the meadows. But what is so good about that other side? How many of us have met someone that we really thought had it all together and envied their life? You know that old friend from elementary school whose Facebook posts consist of nothing but photos of his new wife and family, a brand new car and status updates about his newest business venture. You read these posts and think to yourself “Why is HE so successful? How did he get that fine ass wife? He used to cheat off of my spelling tests back in the 3rd grade. Dude can’t even spell and he has a 5 bedroom house out in the suburbs.”

A few months back, I reached out to a friend who I thought really had it together. Of course, I based my conclusion solely on the snapshot of her life that I saw on her Facebook page. I figured if I talked to her, I could figure out the secret to her success. She was a few months younger than me but was light years ahead of me on my Bucket List. As we began having conversations via her inbox, my opinion of her changed gravely. I won’t go into detail about what she told me but ,simply put, her lifestory wasn’t all glitz and glamour. There were stories of physical and emotional abuse, financial woes and family drama. I couldn’t believe my eyes as I read! How could this be? Her photos of her new husband and children were so beautiful! The clothes she wore were the latest fashions. Her car was brand new! Her makeup was flawless. How could this person have suffered so much? And most importantly, how could I have been so jealous of what I THOUGHT she had? I was embarrassed….and slightly excited to find out that she too had experienced some struggles in life. Maybe there was a silver lining after all….

Mowing your own damn lawn:

After speaking to that friend, I took a step back from my computer screen and began to think about my life. Sure, she was married and i’m still single…but this is her second marriage. Yes, she has that brand new car and I’m driving a busted up Alero…but her car note costs more than my rent. Maybe, just maybe, my life wasn’t all that bad.
I decided to regroup and look at things differently. Rather than focusing on all the things that I didn’t have, why couldn’t I focus on all of the things that I DID have. After 30 years on Earth, I had to have accomplished something, right. I remembered that my car is paid for in full. I remembered that I don’t wear Christian Louboutins because I prefer to wear Chuck Taylors. I realized that although I haven’t obtained my degree, I have worked for the same Fortune 500 company for the past 8 years and am climbing the corporate ladder. The long list of things that I have accomplished became longer than the things that I haven’t done. From where I’m standing, maybe my grass really is green.

My advice:

This is for people of all ages. Stop worrying about all of your failures and focus on your achievements. All of us are put on this Earth to do something great. Whether it be passing the bar exam, opening a restaurant, producing a great song or simply writing a blog to encourage others. My life is far from perfect and I’ve made mistakes. But each and every mistake that I’ve made has led me to where I am today. I hate to speak in cliche’s but you can’t drive forward if you keep looking in the rear-view mirror at what you have passed. Life is all about the journey. And although many of us have fallen off of our original paths and taken detours, you have to admit that you saw some great scenery and learned a little something along the way.

My grass looks pretty green over here. What color is yours?

Related articles

• Is the Grass Really Greener on the Other Side? (duffylean.wordpress.com)
• My Bucket list (sherrylcook.wordpress.com)
• When Doves Cry: Personal Accountability In Relationships (brendolynmarie.com)
• The Grass Is Always Greener… (bonjupatten.com)
• If 2012 Was The Last Year of Your Life… (fancyayancey.wordpress.com)
• Let’s Rethink Sharing ALL Our Goals With The World… (ashy2classy.net)
• 26 Confessions I’ve Never Told You [+ANTI-RESUME RELEASE!] (daveursillo.com)

If you haven’t make sure you check out this weeks episodes of the “Straight Outta Lo Cash” Radio Show. This week’s show “Don’t Get Mad…Get G.L.A.A.D” with special guest the beautiful Lena Artis. You can also subscribe to the show on I-Tunes or listen on your Android, I-Phone, I-Pad or Black berry of Stitcher Radio.

This weekend Dr. Melissa Harris-Perry‘s highly anticipated show premiered on MSNBC with much praise and fanfare from a woman who had guest host some mornings. Many were excited to see what Dr. Harris Perry and she could contribute to the political commentary format. Everyone it seems except for the great Cornel West and a few other black intellectuals. A few weeks ago Cornel West did an interview with Diverse Magazine where he called Dr. Harris-Perry a liar, monetary fraud among other things. Al Sharpton is then interviewed where he defends Melissa Harris-Perry and goes on the offensive against Cornel West. Finally, Dr. Boyce Watkins chimes in and blasts Dr. Harris Perry and Al Sharpton which then creates a firestorm of black intellectuals, cultural critics, and political pundits weighing in on the situation.

If you don’t know this situation has gotten real…real messy. First, I will say this as much as love and respect Cornel West for his contribution to black culture and academia his statements were distasteful and really didn’t need to be said in a public domain. Even if the things he said were 100% true about Dr. Harris-Perry he really didn’t need to put all that hate out on the streets. I have no problem with a person being critically analyzed but his words came off very personal and having nothing to do with constructive debate.

Dr. Harris Perry and Dr. West have had an “official” ongoing beef you can say since she was an Assistant Professor at Princeton. The word on the street is that Cornel West was the one who lobbied for Dr. Harris-Perry to be a brought to Princeton. A few years later she was given tenure by Princeton but the African American-Studies department refused to honor her as a full professor. This promoted Dr. Harris Perry to go to Tulane where she is now a professor. Fast forward a few years later and Dr. Harris-Perry blasts the “Poverty Tour” initiated by West and Tavis Smiley that many feel was their personal crusade against Barack Obama for personal reasons. They would then exchange words through the media with Cornel West basically calling Dr. Harris-Perry MSNBC’s pet project while Harris Perry commented on Dr. West’s dislike for the President.

Now I will be the first to say I don’t know why there is sour blood between the two of them but it’s obvious that something played out that was “bigger than politics”.  I know that all black intellectuals do not have to agree with each other and have many debates but this is turning into a situation more akin to a hip hop beef than a disagreement of ideologies. When black intellectuals are in public domains throwing personal jabs at each other.

If you are a hip hop head think about the rap battles since the beginning of hip hop. There is a clear difference between a real rap battle and those rap battles created to spurn interest and attention. There is a clear difference between the classic hip hop beefs of the past such as Boogie Down Productions vs. The Juice Crew, LL Cool J vs. Kool Moe Dee, Ice Cube vs. NWA, and even Jay-Z vs. Nas which were more beefs about hip hop dominance than personal jarring. This can be compared to the classic debates of Booker T. Washingto and W.E.B. Dubois over educational practice and how blackness should be viewed in the beginning of the 20th centurty.

This back and forth between West and Harris-Perry has turned from a constructive debate to something each to the Common vs. Drake(though Common has a classic rap battle between him and Ice Cube and The Westside Connection), Fabolous vs. Ray J, or Lil Kim vs. Nicki Minaj beefs. We then have Dr. Boyce rolling in with his shots in support of Cornel West’s words and have Al Sharpton defending his MSNBC counterpart Melissa Perry-Harris. Forget what I said before this thing is turning more into a crew rap beef like Bad Boy vs. Death Row. Intellectuals can learn a lot from MCs when they say let’s leave it on wax. In this case let just have our debate or disagreements without letting personal epithets coming out against each other because all it will do is taint the discussion of blackness.

Much of the African-American culture looks to our intellectuals more than any other culture to show some representation of the culture. There is nothing wrong with disagreements among academics because it pushes and evolves ideology and displays the idea that black people are not monolithic. But, on the converse side we don’t need to have black academics out here letting their personal problems spill into the public domain like they are on an episode of a show called “Black Intellectuals in Paris”. You can’t tell me this situation aint “cray”.

Related articles

• Not Helping: Cornel West Calls Melissa Harris Perry “A Liar,” “Fake,” “Fraud” In Interview (blacksnob.com)
• Black Woman, Know Your Place: Cornel West Clings To His Privilege (racialicious.com)
• Al Sharpton, Melissa Harris-Perry Clashing With Cornel West (huffingtonpost.com)
• Permed Up Al Sharpton Gives Dr. Cornel West A “Ho Sit Down” For Going In On Black MSNBC Commentator Melissa Harris-Perry (bossip.com)
• Roland Martin Suspension Really About When (And When Not) To Tweet (blacksnob.com)
• Who Needs Black History Month When You Have Newt Gingrich, Red Tails, & the Republican Party (rippdemup.com)
• Intelligentsia Beef: Cornel West Calls Melissa Harris-Perry A Fake and a Fraud (clutchmagonline.com)

Yesterday marked my 31^st birthday. Yeah, I look young as member of Young Money but my spirit is one as old as an ex-member of the O’Jays. This past year I have learned a lot not only about myself but the world as a whole have observed life through different lenses. Living and learning is an everyday struggle for all of us.  Okay maybe I can take it too far with my insatiable need to Google random things. I sat back the other day and jotted down some random things I learned this past year. These are some of the seven I came up with.

Eddie Long will forever be one of the funniest people.

If the Da Bishop as I call him is not molesting boys, being crown king, or rocking one of the most ridiculous curl toupees in modern history. He has put himself in the precipice of being the poster child of the idea of the Mega Church having kinks in the armor. Eddie Long has given us all years of material with his antics. Along with the comedy of Eddie Long I realized that looking at his congregation being in full swing that they don’t see the comedy in the “King” Eddie Long as I do.

People take me way more serious than I thought.

This is something I totally understand and get. I have won a few awards and have spoken a few places but some people are taking me more serious than I even take myself which is something I have to be more cognizant of. I realized this most when I wrote the posts “Not Having Sex Before Marriage is a Setup For Failure” and “Herman Cain and Uncle Ruckus Same Person?” Not only did these posts get many comments all over the web but a received a multitude of emails anywhere from “You are on point” to “Throw yourself into moving traffic”. Maybe it’s just because I’m still the same Ol’ G like Ginuwine said where I didn’t notice it but I have learned now that people are watching. I definitely have to start watching how I say things. A brotha not trying to do a Roland Martin or Jason Whitlock.

Most of us can’t look past our “First World” complaints

Many of us claim too much about “First  World” problems. I see so many people (including myself sometimes) who float around upset because of BS issues.  We feel that because we don’t have an I-Phone 4S, the new Jordans, a new whip, the deluxe apartment in the sky, can’t pop bottles in the club, etc that we aren’t winning at life. By no means am I saying that we shouldn’t strive to do better things but we gotta quit worrying about things that have no bearing on who we are. I think about the guy who gave his daughter a lesson on having BS “first world” grips and it makes me even wake up.

Seasons Change Things Rearrange

They say that some people and things are only for a time period. I have always believed that but this past year I have realized that my pseudo Peter Pan philosophy is really on the brink of extinction. I always prided myself being able to keep up with all my friends and comrades but it feels like I barely have time to chop it up as much with them as used to. When I was younger I had that hip hop music video dream of me and all my boys in the club altogether throwing ones and pouring champagne on random women like we were remaking a Luke video. But, time changes and everyone (including myself) interests change and evolve to suit our own direction and purpose. I have learned that those of us who are able to adapt to this and still keep our friendships intact are the key.

Everything that is beautiful isn’t always good

I have always known that just because something looks good doesn’t mean it is good. But, I have learned that many times in life that the things that look the most good may have the most issues to it. For instance, that Amber Rose chick she has a lot of baggage and maintenance to go with the big butt and a smile. You know that Beemer you covet so much it takes a lot of money to maintain it. I have learned that the quote I have always held to my heart is becoming so much truer… “Everything beautiful isn’t always good. But something good is always beautiful.”

Niggaracity is here to stay

Yeah, I have somewhat given up on the good fight against just nigga ish I see everywhere. I haven’t given up the fight totally but I have also accepted that there will always be a lowest common denominator of society of any and every race. I have learned that will always be a sector of the community but my job is try to educate, inform, and give joy to those who are willing or wanting to learn more.  Like I said I am not giving up the good fight of upliftment I am just refocusing it instead of getting upset and random YouTube and world star hip hop videos.

Recognizing Things For What They Are NOT What I Want Them to be

I wrote a piece a few months back called “We Want it to Be ONE WAY…But Its The Other Way” and it was that point in this past year that I had to learn to recognize things for what they were right in front of me. I can only live in what is happening today. One can want or wish for something but the only way we can have real control is be recognizing what is going on at this present time.  You have look at people and situations and see them for what they are. When you really take into account what they are you can decide what decision to make. I felt myself many times wishing for people and things to be a certain way and it blinded me in my decision-making. The only thing you can do is control your decisions and how can you can control the decisions if you don’t look at the facts and not hyperbole.

I have settled into my 30s and realized that being this grown ass man is a lot harder but a beautiful struggle I am willing to undertake.

Related articles

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• Dear Eddie Long, You’re a King? iRebuke It (awesomelyluvvie.com)
• From Boy Lover To Pimp King – It’s Magic! (halloftheblackdragon.com)
• 3 Reasons You Should Be Disappointed Herman Cain Dropped Out (ashy2classy.net)
• Taking Someone As They Are Just Isn’t Enough (ashy2classy.net)

We all have dreams and desire purpose in our life. We embark on many missions to accomplish goals – anything from starting your own business to planting a garden in your backyard. I wrote previously how we have to believe in the “Power of Doing and NOT Trying” but what happens when we let others take away our power of doing? Can sharing too many of our goals be a detriment to us accomplishing them?

This week’s guest post is from Shannon Bennett (@MsTBennett) of tbennettshannon.com .  Not only is she a dope graphic artist but she also has some great thoughts.

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About a week ago I had a thought: “What would I do if I knew I couldn’t fail?” And as I sat in my very uncomfortable chair at my dead-end job, blankly staring at my computer screen (like I do when my mind just can’t take it anymore), I pondered my answers while guzzling a Crush orange soda. Healthy, I know. Since that first “ah ha” moment, that question has been buzzing around my head like some irritating, freaky cat-fly with nine lives that just won’t die.

Even if there’s a quiet moment in my busy brain, that question will silently pop back up, like when I’m prattling over the phone with one of my friends, excited about a Bahamas vacation deal I saw at my job that… I can’t even afford. Yet.

Or when I’m taking a bath and longingly think of how amazingly awesome it would be if I made a wooden tub-table with sides (ya know, somewhere I could put a glass of wine and a candle right on the tub?!). Ingenious!

At each of these moments, my bright ideas seem wonderful, shiny and full of possibility – that is, until “reality” sets in via my cynical brain, and/or my well-meaning friends and family. Eventually, undoubtedly, the idea gets flattened under all that pressure.

But, for a moment, humor me. What would happen if you DIDN’T know you couldn’t do something? If you didn’t have someone looking over your shoulder saying yay or nay? I mean, why shouldn’t I create that tub-table, or any of the DIY projects I drool over on Pinterest? If I end up with a horribly disfigured hunk of wood – who cares? Why shouldn’t I be sun-bathing right now in the Bahama’s wearing a skimpy bikini I could/would never wear at the fake beaches here in Chicago?

So I seriously decided to give this further thought – maybe I could reach my goals without telling anyone one about them… If no one knew, who’s to tell me I couldn’t do it? Or worse, so I’ve learned, can be the people congratulating me on the intitial concept before I even start! But we’ll get to that point soon….

Within the past two weeks I’ve come across three different articles that dive into Secret Goals. Ya know, the kind you only share with…well…no one. Except God, maybe…He’s cool. Or whoever you pray to that’s isn’t corporal. Or your bunny Chuck…who can’t talk. But, I digress. Anywho, these secret goals (to lose 20 pounds, start a new career, and stop eating Top Ramen  *gasp*) are goals that you set for yourself – without telling anyone else. Yes, this includes all your “friends” on Facebook. Pretty simple eh?

But why do it? Well, there are two reasons:

• Sharing your big ideas with someone and receiving the resulting “positive feedback” is like an orgasm.*fistpump*
  • I know, I know. HOW is that a bad thing, you ask?! It’s an endorphin rush that we all, well, mooost of us, probably enjoy. Lol. But here’s the kicker – what happens after you orgasm? You peak, right? Your body gets all tingly and flush, you smile vaguely and your brain does some pretty impressive cartwheels. Then, you come back down from the peak. You’re sated, sleepy, happy and probably ready for a nap.

Yeaaah. Feeling lazy now, aren’t you?

You’ve just received the “high” of accomplishment you get from your peers, so chances are you may be a little less (or not at all) motivated as you were before.

That leads me to the next point.

• Telling someone else about your next big idea robs you of the motivation to execute it.
  • When you keep your goal to yourself, you stave off those pre-mature rewarding feelings that would normally only happen AFTER accomplishing your goal.

Peter Shallard, a renowned business psychology expert and therapist states that “When you tell someone about your next big idea, the mental process of visualizing future success convinces your unconscious mind that it’s already happened. It doesn’t fill your body with pre-victory anxiety… It fills it with post-win celebration!”

Interesting right?

So I figure the next time I make a new goal (*cough* tub-table *cough*)  I’ll hold off on telling all my friends. I mean really, what can it hurt? I’ll start working towards my goal with a no-failure attitude. Once I’ve done it and share that info with my loved ones (and maybe a few peeps on Twitter), I’ll reap the well-deserved props, bask in my post-orgasmic/accomplished glow and start on to the next one…

Related articles

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This week’s Open Friday letter has the elements of cheating but from the perspective of the man getting cheated on. We always think of the concept of cheating from the perspective of men doing it. Can our actions cause our mate to cheat on us? I brought in @Fly11 of FashionizeHaus.com to help weigh in with a response to this week’s letter.

Dear Ashy to Classy,

I had been with my chick for about 3 years. Everything seem to be going alright with our relationship that was until she came forward and said she had been cheating on me for the past 6 months. She then ended our relationship. I was devastated and she left me. I had done so much for her and loved her so much but I didn’t know why she would go f*** another man.

I was really broken up about the s***. So, I had to find out why she creeped out on me and left me. I hit her up a few times to try to get a resolution on what went wrong. She totally ignored me. She sent me an email after I tried to contact her a few more times. I didn’t want to at first but I want your thoughts so I am giving you her email:

I am sorry that I cheated on you left you. I could have handled the situation much better but I didn’t and for at that I apologize. You keep calling me and emailing me asking why I left you and cheated. I continuously expressed you to you the concern about the lack of us spending time, intimacy, lack and you’re constantly taking advantage of me being in your life. I would ask you to come over and chill and just spend time with me more and you would always be laying around your place saying you are tired or playing video games. I would even put my pussy on a platter for you and you barely would bite at it. I always went out of my way for you but I ask you do a few things for me and you never would comply. I got tired of asking you to spend time with me, to hold me, to be concerned about, dammit F***ing consistently even. Me cheating on you was meant to happen and kind developed over time. The guy I cheated on you with filled a huge void I was missing with you. Like I told you before I am sorry for what I did but I can’t be with someone like you any longer. I felt she was very selfish in this situation.

Yes, she told me the problems going on but why didn’t she give me time to work to make things better? She didn’t have to cheat on me. It was a punk ass thing to do. What do you think about the situation? Was I in the wrong?

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First, off I have so many questions that I want to ask this brother that will sound accusatory and maybe not help situation much. People have to listen to their mate and understand their mates concerns. I am going to say this though people have to understand they have to take care of home before someone else forecloses on their home. But, you know what let me let Fly11 take over…

Dear Reader,
As I type this response, I have cued R. Kelly’s “When A Woman’s Fed Up,” in order to help me focus on exactly what happened in your relationship. First let me say I am sorry that your 3 year relationship has ended; that is indeed a nice investment of time and is longer than some people stay married. I know break-ups are difficult and most of all painful, so I am completely empathetic to your situation. Actually I am so empathetic that I feel the need to be 100% honest with you. The number one way to bruise a man’s ego is to cheat on him…which also happens to be the one thing men LEAST expect…which unfortunately becomes the only way you can get some men’s attention smh. When you get over the bruise, I think you will start to see the picture a little clearer. Let’s look at some things here:
1. Listening: You felt you’d done so much for her but she felt she was the one going out of her way for you and barely receiving anything in return. Contradiction? Very much so. Sounds like two people who were not good at listening to each other and THIS is a red flag. Communication issues will tear a relationship down eventually, no matter how long you hold on….it’s only a matter of time before the fabric rips. It almost sounds like the two of you were in different relationships with each other…scary. While a relationship is not exactly about “tit for tat,” only a fool or person with low self-esteem would not evaluate how much they are giving vs. how much they are getting.
2. Listening: You stated in your letter that “everything was fine until you found out she’d been cheating for 6 months.” It appears, you still don’t “get it.” Everything was not fine, this is why she cheated. Cheating is an effect of an underlying cause and it seems she told you quite clearly what the cause of her unhappiness in the relationship was. Your relationship didn’t end because she cheated…it ended because it was unfulfilling.

3. Listening: I can imagine that you contacting her repeatedly to ask why the relationship had ended after she’d expressed her concerns with the relationship multiple times and “continuously” as she says, was just even more upsetting for her. From a woman’s perspective, she expected you to sit down and really think about why this was happening and then come to your own conclusion based on what she was making OBVIOUS for you. This would’ve been a sign that you REALLY…really..REALLY cared. The fact that you ran to her for an answer instead of analyzing the situation for yourself just reinforced her point…you don’t
listen to her.
In conclusion, of course she was wrong for cheating as opposed to simply leaving the relationship first OR telling you she needed to take a break. However, what still has to be honestly dealt with is that she did make SOME attempt to let you know she was unhappy. You said she didn’t give you time to “fix” things but she said she repeatedly told you about these issues. Not to mention, how long does it really take to make time for your woman? To make her feel like you want her? Those are 24 hour turn around items right there..you could’ve made those changes instantly. It is not selfish to expect to be fulfilled within your relationship by a partner who cares about and meets your needs. My analysis is that you took her “staying” with you for granted and wrote off her complaints as typical female nagging and unfortunately it came back to bite you. I hope this experience teaches you that when a woman’s fed up, she can, and she will do something about it so your best defense is to keep her from getting to that point (by LISTENING).

Write in with any question for Open Friday at fromashy2classy@gmail.com

What do you think about this weeks letter??? Chime in With your thoughts!!

If you haven’t make sure you check out this weeks episodes of the “Straight Outta Lo Cash” Radio Show. This week’s show was called “We Can’t Let Drake Play Barack Obama” with special guest comedian Tony King. You can also subscribe to the show on I-Tunes or listen on your Android, I-Phone, I-Pad or Black berry of Stitcher Radio.

America is gearing up for another election this fall. In 2008, the emergence of Barack Obama election as President not only was it become a historical monument but one of defining political views. Throughout African-Americans political history the dynamic of party identity has been one of very many complex dynamics. After the Civil War many African-Americans were very pro Republican but some things changed over the next 100 years where more African-Americans aligned with the Democrat party. The political process is one that younger African-Americans are learning to define for themselves. This weeks guest post is by E.Rob( @erob101) of 2 Minute Speech as he writes about African-American political identity.

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WE have FINALLY arrived with the 2008 presidential nominee Barack Obama. A day in history blacks will NEVER forget! But wait; let’s talk about HIStory for a moment in time. In 1863, Abraham “Abe” Lincoln with the Emancipation Proclamation legally freed slaves from their owners. For those who did not know, it was the Republican Party (yeah the one we refer to as GOP) who allowed us to gain our independence. The Republican Party emerged during its time to oppose the Kansas Nebraska Act, which wanted to extend slavery in the US. The KKK, Jim Crow laws, white supremacy, and black oppression were birthed from the Democratic Party. In reality, was the GOP created for blacks? And if so, why are there more blacks in support of the Democratic Party?

Shortly after blacks were freed, we in fact held positions in Congress. For those who ONLY want HIStory lessons in February, do your research on John Willis Menard, the first black Republican Congressman. Other Republicans such as Harriet Tubman, Sojourner Truth, Jackie Robinson, and E. Frederic Morrow were pioneers as well. With the evolution of the Republican and Democratic parties, where is the evolution of blacks. It appears as though the Republican Party relies on the free-thinking independence of the people, while the Democratic Party relies on the collapsed mentality of the people, especially in poverty stricken communities. Why is it that we criticize black Republicans for their political stance and mock them because we feel they are confused? And why is it that Republicans appear more successful than Democrats? Yes, we can definitely name plenty of successful black Democrats, yet how many broke Republicans can we identify? If you think about it, dare you to tell a successful black Democrat they have arrived due to affirmative action “THEY WILL CURSE YOU OUT and CALL YOU LAZY!”

Honestly, what have the Democrats done for the black community that allows us to remain so loyal? How is “The system” assisting blacks? Affirmative action is I’m a minority, meet the minimum requirements and I can do the job so someone is willing to give me a chance, it’s not I have a bachelor degree and I’m the only black person in the office. How many blacks do you know who have TRULY benefited from affirmative action? Food stamp and section 8 programs cripple the mind because if you make $1 dollar above your requirement then they cut you off. Why would anyone wealthy or not decide to work for an extra $50 a month when that time could be spent with family or friends.

Jeezy may have summarized it best “My auntie on section 8 and why aint her credit straight see you payin all of that which mean she aint never late.”

Open your minds up for a second, what if the Democrats (those who wanted to oppress the blacks) devised a plan to capture the popular vote (the black vote). From 1933 – 1969 the Democrats ran the White House, with the exception of Republican president Dwight Eisenhower, who was the first president to enforce desegregation after the Reconstruction Era. During that period most black Republicans became black Democrats. Why the paradigm shift? Intimidating blacks not to exercise our voting rights began to weaken; so in order to capture the black vote the Democrats would have to make two passive-aggressive strategic moves.

• 1: Get blacks to believe they could lead us through the Great Depression
• 2: Get blacks to believe they support the race riots and Civil Rights Movement

From the Democratic perspective they knew whites would not vote for a party that freed slaves, the equivalent of what the black society does today. We do not vote Republican because everything we are fed tells us Republicans get richer while the Democrats fight for the poor. But what if Obama was a Republican? Would the victory be as sweet for blacks?

Talk about one of the greatest tricks known to man! To further oppress the black mentality let’s play on their psyche, by giving every woman her dream and showing every man his future – a black family in office. We all (I included) voted for Obama because he is black and 2008 will forever be a moment in HIStory we can celebrate. In 1968 MLK was assassinated; in 2008 president Barak Obama was voted into office, there is your 40 acres and a mule….in case you missed it “40 years and a black Democratic president.”

What is your political stance?

If you haven’t make sure you check out this weeks episodes of the “Straight Outta Lo Cash” Radio Show. This week’s show was called “We Can’t Let Drake Play Barack Obama” with special guest comedian Tony King. You can also subscribe to the show on I-Tunes or listen on your Android, I-Phone, I-Pad or Black berry of Stitcher Radio.

One thing that has been preached and conveyed is the idea that people should accept someone for who they are. Though I agree that we definitely should accept the idea of someone being who they are unadulterated. But my question is…Is being who you ARE RIGHT NOW enough? There is nothing wrong with being who you are now but isn’t the goal of life to better than the person you are now?

I was chopping it up with up with a home girl of mine @Jusheat on twitter and she was asking why do some people continue to be so inconsiderate. I responded to her that they probably don’t think they are being inconsiderate. She got upset at the idea that people didn’t want to recognize their in consideration in situations. I then told her the idea or philosophy of what is being inconsiderate is what is problematic. Many people get into the mode of believing that people are either down with them with no question or get out of their life. I agree that some one should be down with you but should the person accept you not wanting to become a better person?

We get into our romantic relationships, our careers, friendships, and child rearing expecting everyone else to just love us or accept who we are. Some of us have come so locked into the idea of who we are now and everyone in the world either loving or hating us some us that we neglect to do any self-inventory.  For us to tell someone to accept us for who we are can be a problem because that means that you are perfect the way you are now.

Ask Yourself….

Are You Perfect?

Do You Have Some Growing To Do?

If you didn’t answer No and then Yes to those two questions you can stop reading this post now. With that being said if you aren’t perfect and still have growing to do. Then why do those around should us accept who we are if we have no want to become the better us? We ourselves shouldn’t be content with who you are now. One should be content with their journey but one should always be striving for that extra inch that will eventually turn into that extra mile.

I am victim of this thought process myself. I am quick to tell someone who is upset with me my favorite moniker by Redman “I’ll Be Dat”. I know damn well I could be in the wrong but that ego and the idea that people gotta role with my ideology all the time can get mentally poisonous if I don’t look into myself and discern the real from the fake.  How can I become a better writer, a better brother, and a better man if I constantly believe that the world should just take me as I am?

We can all walk around with our chest puffed out thinking I am alright with who I am and the world should be too. But, being in the lane you are in now has you where you are now in life. We have taken the idea of people taking us as who we are as an excuse to be mediocre and stay stagnant. There is a definitive difference between accepting mediocrity in ourselves and people not accepting who we are. Relationships in most cases are like a mirror. They show and reflect to us back the things we need to work on within ourselves. The idea is that person is reflecting back to us many times what we are giving to them.

Next time when someone is challenging your character or you feel like they aren’t accepting you for who you are. Ask yourself if the person is really not accepting you for who you are showing you something you may need to become. Think even further is the way you are now a result of your own archaic and prehistoric views and habits. Because if we continue to believe that being who we are is enough we will never get who we can be.

“You will not experience all life has to offer you or begin to experience life at its fullest as long as you are satisfied with mediocrity. You have to be disgusted with your current circumstances before your circumstances can change.”

 – Eric Thomas

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If you haven’t already check out the great posts this week “Living in a Material World…” and “Why is There No In between? We Either Niggaz or Kings…Bitches or Queens”. Well, let’s get right into another Open Friday! This week’s email is from a brother who is having a few problems wanting to know if it is time for him to let go. I have normally not included my response in the post but People have asked me to include my responses to the emails. So, I ask the writer of this email and he said it was alright to include my response in this post

D,

What up playa! Like what you have going on here at the site. Got a situation I want to you to weigh in on. I am in my mid 30s and I have been with my lady for about 4 years or so. Things are alright I guess. They are the normal relationship ups and downs. I don’t have any kids but she has a son I have taken in as my own and his like my son. I make sure anything she wants she gets and am always there for her. She is definitely a smart and cool chick and she says I understand her most out of any person she has met in her life.

This is where the problem comes in. I don’t think she really knows and understands me. I think she really does take the kind of man I am for granted. I do almost anything for her but I don’t feel she would do the same. I have told her about many of my problems and issues and she says she is working on them but she never really does. But, she is quick to jump on my back for things and expect them to be changed. Now she is looking at me talking about marriage and in my head I’m like hell nah I can’t get married to you because we barely on the same page. She feels she is ready to be married but she really isn’t when she NEVER listens to my grievance but hers are always worth more. We hardly ever have sex, she spends money just because we have it, seems to not show compassion much anymore, drama, and did I mention we barely have sex. I can’t believe she thinks she is ready to be married. There are certain things you have to get to in a relationship and as a woman or a man. And she is just not there. I do care for her a lot though. She has been pushing it hard hinting every other day to the point where it is my routine daily to hear it.

This is the thing I used to be a big time playa back in my day and when I got with her it was at the right point that I wanted to settle down and I think she may have caught me off guard and maybe I settled with her. The question is how you would handle this situation because I’m down with her but how much is she down with me. I am damn near close to breaking up with her and moving on.

 Thanks

“Ready to Jump ship”

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Wow! Where do I start! First off I gotta say this I see you mention sex twice so that must be an issue in the relationship. I understand where you are coming from in a sense because a man doesn’t like drama or bickering but it’s even worse when a man is not getting in. I get that I really do and understand/believe you probably have or are thinking about getting a side chick (which I DO NOT condone but as Chris Rock says “I understand”).

Basically you don’t really want to be with this chick. I don’t know the story so I can only go off on yours. All of these questions probably were raised because she started mentioning marriage(which most women would after four years of a relationship) You probably were coasting along just waiting for things to maybe fall off or a great opportunity to bail out. I would say that you really need to re-evaluate what you want out of life and a relationship and truly see if she correlates with what you. Put all the things you are mad about to side and really sort out what matters to you the most. There is nothing wrong with being real with yourself about relationship like I said in my post “No Dime Left Behind”.

You have to be real with the situation at the end of the day because if she thinks she is ready for marriage there is nothing that you can really do to make her take inventory unless SHE wants to. But, you always have a choice and you have to decide if YOU are ready to married and if you are ready to be married to HER?

Weigh in! What do you think?

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If you haven’t make sure you check out the last two episodes of the “Straight Outta Lo Cash” Radio Show. This week’s show was called “Introducing Team Leave It In” with special guest comedian Tony King. You can also subscribe to the show on I-Tunes or listen on your Android, I-Phone, I-Pad or Black berry of Stitcher Radio.

Black History Month is here once again. We’ll have all kinds of  “specials” commemorating certain black accomplishments. I think we can all agree that the accomplishments of the black culture can’t be narrowed down to one month.  There has been a lot of discussion on whether Black History Month is still needed in this day in time. Black History is more than one month! It should be celebrated every day. Hence the reason I started the Reversing a Culture of Ignorance series.

Someone asked me the other day on twitter (you should be following me @diggame) “When will there be true equality in America for Black Americans?” I responded “When we are more than just niggaz or kings and bitches or queens.” I know you’re wondering what the hell I mean… I got that statement  from Mos Def on Black Stars’ uber poignant and thought-provoking song “Thieves in the Night”. That song flips Toni Morrison’s classic novel The Bluest Eye. In our society it seems like a black person has to either be as “ignorant” as possible or on some “super high level.” Like Mos said, there is no in-between or middle ground. The identity of being black is so much more complex than those two extremes.

Look around you – the only people in the black society who are given attention are the lowest common denominator. We are inundated everyday with world star hip hop, news stories, and the overall niggarcity of the black community. Black society is much more than just folks acting a fool over concord Jordan’s. On the flip side, black society isn’t all  about Beyonce, Kanye, a basketball wife, or Diddy (I still call him Puff Daddy) having big parties in the Hampton’s. The majority of black society is at neither extreme – we’re somewhere in the middle.

One of the first steps towards true equality: its acceptable to be a regular person. By regular person I’m not saying we aren’t excelling or being successful. I’m saying we’re refusing to be the lowest common denominator while not having to live at some unrealistic lifestyle. I’m pretty sure ya’ll have heard the saying “To be successful, one has to work 5 times as hard to get to the same level as the average American.” This is debatable, I know, but I seriously think society looks at black culture as either niggarcity or we’re Oprah. Few times do we see, talk, mention, or honor the man who has moved his way up through AT&T and is doing his best to take care of his family. What about the sister who’s a nurse and just wants to be more than a chick who was grew up in West Philly?

We could say that both the media and entertainment effect these separate entities. But the truth is, we perpetuate it ourselves in our daily actions. For instance – we put so much stake into keeping it “gutter” or (my favorite) “keepin it real”. On the other hand, we put a ton of  stock in things looking vainglorious rather then things being good. We want all these shiny/nice things that we never sit back think -  is it really even good for us? I’ve learned that sometimes, whats beautiful isn’t always good… but something good is always beautiful.

Personally, I’m growing every day and  being a black nerd I don’t necessarily fit in either of those dynamics. I’ve always thought it crippled people from being who they want to be. They’re directly, or indirectly,  influenced to be a part of the “Goon Squad” or Sean Cater (aka Jay-Z).  When all that started, I finally got to a point in my life where I was alright being who I am.

The huge “grey area” of black society is never shown or represented. We need to recognize that more. Why is it that I have to either be “hood” or a weekly/weekend bottle popper? Why to we have to be either? Some people can’t truly find their purpose in life because they’re  influenced into fulfilling one of those roles. When a person realizes there’s so much more to life than those extremes they I think they can really understand who they are as a black person in this world… and how they fit into it.

“I find it’s distressing, there’s never no in-between
We either niggas or Kings, we either bitches or Queens.”

Mos Def – Thieves in the Night

If you haven’t make sure you check out the last two episodes of the “Straight Outta Lo Cash” Radio Show. This week’s show was called “Introducing Team Leave It In” with special guest comedian Tony King. You can also subscribe to the show on I-Tunes or listen on your Android, I-Phone, I-Pad or Black berry of Stitcher Radio.

Many such as myself contend that Money, Power, and Noncie have ruled the world since the beginning of life. We have always in some form of fashion looked at some material things to valid date who we are. We are ingrated daily with the idea of wanting MORE and MORE. From dying of Concord Jordan’s to pay exorbitant amounts on weave we want the best even if we financial can’t afford it. But, when does it go to far? Is there a point in a person’s life where they realize that their want for “things” isn’t everything in the world? This weeks guest post is from Segan Humble(@socosopretty) of Socoloko Blog and she dives into our superficial need of things.

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I’ve always thought of myself as a simple person. By that, I mean not materialistic and easy to please. Materialism is one of the things that bothers me deeply about people.  It seems to rule most tweets, songs, and just has just been major in our culture today. Now I know I’m a country girl, so I may view things differently, but something needs to be spoken about it.

Materialism has been around since almost the beginning of time. Whether it’s been how much cattle you had or how many slaves you owned to what kind of cars you drove or what name brands you wore. It all gets on my nerves.  I could care less about what you’re wearing and how much you spent on it. If you’re not making over 6 figures a year, you probably don’t have any business buying it.  What is it doing for you? I guess making you the topic of discussion.

People will die over material things. Like J. Cole said, “Death Over Designer.”  This Christmas, my mom gave my brother an envelope of money with a note that read, “It was too much of a risk to go buy you another gift. People were getting killed over those Jordan’s, so you can buy what you want.”  We all laughed at the note, but it was true.  You can get killed over a pair of shoes, because of a name brand.  What’s sad is there is some children that don’t even have enough for a pair of shoes from Wal-mart or Payless and we want to act a fool over some Jordan’s. I’m sure I just pissed someone off with that.  Someone is going to say, “You’re just mad you don’t have any.” First of all, I don’t like gym shoes like that and the pair of Jordan’s I have were purchased by my brother 4 years ago and they still look brand new. I barely wear them. Others are gonna say, “Why are you worried about them? Let them spend on what they want.” Which is cool. Go ahead and spend it, it’s yours. That doesn’t mean nothing should me said.

What I’m saying is to look at what you’re basing your life on.  Does this rule most of your conversations? Is this one of your priorities? If so, that’s an idol. Yes, an idol, like the ones in the first commandment. If you like nice things, that is fine, but it shouldn’t rule your life. I personally like cowboy boots. I know that I’m not paying for a name brand, I’m paying for good leather. I’m not perfect by far. I have lots of faults. I just want to know why we do this.

I was a History minor in college, so I know a little about black people and things.  Blacks wanted to show their wealth, since whites held them back for so long. As Kanye put, “We’re tryna buy back our 40 Acres.” But that doesn’t make it right. Sometimes I think we do it because we are following what our favorite celebs do or the trend. That can be an idol in itself.  I could really care less about what some people think of me. If you’re not paying my bills, putting food on my table, or sleeping with me every night; you have no say so in my life.  That’s what money is for. If you have a little extra, do as you please. But don’t mess your credit up or get behind in you bills doing it. I’ve been unemployed for about 7 months and believe me, you start to treasure more. It All Falls Down…

If you haven’t make sure you check out the last two episodes of the “Straight Outta Lo Cash” Radio Show. This week’s show was called “You Cheated on Me After 60 Years?” You can also subscribe to the show on I-Tunes or listen on your Android, I-Phone, I-Pad or Black berry of Stitcher Radio.

I have always had great stories of incidence that have happened to me or around me. Call it dumb luck or inopportune situations by usually my stories ALWAYS have some form of a lesson to be learned.  Most people have had a drunken incident that they will never forget (usually it is in the context of something incredible bad happening). Well, I have had my share of those from having Bishop Magic Don Juan advising me on love to getting called a nigger in a Cab. The most interesting of my stories are my Drunk Conversations with Homeless Men (If you missed Part I). This time I will talk about how I passed out on the train and had one of the most interesting conversations with a homeless man.

Well, I was living in New York interning for the summer at an urban/hip hop magazine.  One of the editors of the magazine saw me getting on the elevator and invited me to Damon Dash’s private VIP Aramadale Vodka event (you probably forgot about that vodka huh?).  He tells me I can bring a guest too!

As I ride back to Jersey on the train I start to think about who I should take to this event. I finally settled on taking a beautiful young lady I knew from Long Island I had met a few weeks earlier. I tell her to meet me at the spot and to dress pretty fly. What a gangsta way to take a chick out? Damon Dash party with Free Armadale Vodka…WINNING!

I get to the venue and it is spacious and laid out with all kinds of premiums and banners. Armadale had gone all out for the event. I am looking around like a kid in a candy store. There are drinks, fly women, and socialites everywhere. Keep in mind at the time I was a 21-year-old kid getting to really experience an “industry” event.

My boss sees me and comes over and hands me a drink and tells me to have a good time. I am mixing, mingling, and talking  ish with various writers, entertainers, models, and socialites. I had been chumming it up so much that I forgot about my date. Now at this time in my life I was a person who was totally against the idea of having a cell phone so she really couldn’t get in touch with me.  I’m sitting there chopping it up with two models lying to them about how I am Rhodes Scholar(they  probably didn’t even know what it was but knew it sounded “baller”) and I see my date come in. I do a Barry Sanders spin away from the model chicks and greet my date.

My date let’s call her Vanessa proceeds to start telling me how much I suck to not have a cell phone but before she could continue her rant I grabbed  a shot of the Armadale and pushed it into her hand and smiled. She signed and took the shot and we go ahead to take shots and drink all kinds of Armadale concoctions all night long….maybe too many drinks.  We drunkenly dancing to Paperboy’s “Ditty” and she says let’s go! I needed to take my ass home and get ready for work though.

She grabs my hand and pulls me outside and gives me a long passionate kiss.  I know what it is so I decided to take the train with her back to her place in Long Island.  Let me give you a frame of reference. It’s a Tues night at 12:30 am, I have to be at work tomorrow, Long Island is a nice distance from where I live in Jersey and I am sure that I am 80% drunk.

I get to her apartment all the way in Long Island and I will say this… drunk sex is probably the most overrated thing. In this case Vanessa kept grabbin my Johnson on the train like she was pledging the Gamma Phi Gamma in “School Daze”.  Then when we finally got to her apartment I never got to her room because she threw up at her front steps. I put her over my solider and took her in and laid her on her couch and put a blanket over her and bounced. The only problem is I didn’t know how the hell to get back to Jersey from Long Island. I was hoping after my “session” with Vanessa she would help me.

I walk to the train station and realize that I may not be 80% drunk but a 100% drunk. I am struggling to get on the subway to at least get back to Manhattan and then I can make moves back to Jersey. 

I finally sit on the train and look down at my watch and see it is 2:30 now and figured I could get back home take a power nap and take a shower. Now I get real cozy on this train ride and figure I can rest my eyes for the nice ride back into the city. Maybe I rested my eyes too long because when I wake up I have a homeless brotha looking across from me shaking my head. I look at him snarkly and check my watch why is it now 5:30 am and people are beginning to pile on the train. My dumb ass had slept on the train so long that in had been damn near all around Manhattan and Brooklyn.

The homeless man comes over and sits next to me and says “Boy you gotta stay focused and quit worrying about those women.”

I laugh and say “What women are you talking about?”

“Boy, you can smell the want of pussy all over your face.”

The homeless man has my full attention now.  I sit straight up and turn to him. “It’s that obvious huh?”

He nods his head. “You young boy gotta learn that pussy and women will always be there. Stay handling your business because a woman can be a man’s downfall.”

I look at him like Negro you are a BUM what knowledge do you know about women.

He proceeds to sit there and tell me about how he was a former stockbroker but chasing women and not staying in one place cost him everything. He said his wife, mistress, and family left him because of his alcoholism and losing of his job. He just began to give me these long talks of prostitutes, women, and drugs and partying he did in the late 80s. He cautioned me to stay focused on my dreams and not women or as he said “pussy”.

At this point I figured I was just going to go to work in the clothes I had on from the party.  I was going to stop by Walgreens and grab a toothbrush and some deodorant and make it happen. I figured out where I was and got off but before I got off I gave the homeless man 20 bucks and told him to keep his head up.

I finally get into the office and decided to go in the rest room and brush my teeth and try to look halfway presentable. As I am brushing my teeth half sleep looking like “Night of the Living Dead” my boss comes in the bathroom. He laughs and said “Looks like someone had a long as night.”

I look up at him and said “I learned not to chase pussy.”

If you haven’t make sure you check out the last two episodes of the “Straight Outta Lo Cash” Radio Show. This week’s show was called “You Cheated on Me After 60 Years?” You can also subscribe to the show on I-Tunes or listen on your Android, I-Phone, I-Pad or Black berry of Stitcher Radio.

Men aren’t very vocal when it comes to what they perceive when it comes to the dating genre. Men really are silent when it comes to so many things when it comes to matters of relationships hence the reason so many “relationship experts” have been able to come on the scene. But, when men don’t talk what are some things they know but WON’T say to women? This weeks guest post is from some one who has contributed the most to From Ashy to Classy. It is none other than Greg The Dragon of the Hall of the Black Dragon which I am sure is to start a bit of a discussion.

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There’s an understanding amongst men (sometimes expressed in conversation) about women when it comes to dating. Men as a whole expect that a bachelor, with money, and a good head for conversation can bag any chick he wants all because we have women bottled up into a casual stereotype for our understanding.

We see women as the prized deer (with horns) that we have to coax into our trap nice and easy, just before pulling the trigger and snacking on venison burgers. The coaxing of course is assumed to be money, charm and a whole line of bull. So what are some of the things that your casual male date may be assuming when he texts you the address to the comedy show that you planned to go see? Take a look at these 5 things… sure they won’t make you happy, but trust me – it is what it is.

1. Women Can Be More Shallow Than We Are

A smart man knows when to cut his losses – Awhile back I did a post about how a woman sums you up at a glance and decides whether or not you were going to be in her panties within a few weeks or friend zoned for life.  The men who know this will play the odds and get out of dodge if a woman shows her cards and they are a strong hand. When you stick around and pander, you are merely delaying the inevitable pain of rejection.

2. It’s All About The Sex

A smart man knows that when he gets some, he must perform as if his life depended on it – So you finally get past 3^rd base and your hand is roaming the warm tresses of the Garden of Earthly Delights and she is letting it happen. Men know that this is the proving grounds for what may come later… who will hold reins if the relationship is competitive and whether or not you will be legendary or laughed at in the morning (when she calls her best friend). Although sex has no real long-term holding power on a relationship it does make or break the honeymoon period when her options are still very open.

3. We’re Not Her First Choice

A smart man knows where he stands in a woman’s eyes – If we were her first choice then she would not be dating us, she would have been sexed up and tossed to the side a long time ago due to acting like a thirsty groupie on tilt. No, we men know that we are merely a macho hunk of clay that women assume they can mold into their prototype of perfection… but there is no perfection, because if you bend to her will then you are merely a bitch (in her eyes) and she will more than likely move on to more alpha pastures.

4. Insecurities Are a Woman’s Kryptonite

A smart man knows that no woman is perfect – The most voracious of wolves use this to an advantage. It’s a bit abusive but it keeps the attention off of the man so it works like a charm. A man who knows that deep down many women are insecure will manipulate that insecurity into a master/slave situation where the woman will give it up out of some messed up rationality. This also backfires for an overly caring and understanding man who comes off as merely patronizing rather than towing the line of balance that women love so much.

5. Money is Everything

A smart man knows that money is the root of getting some tail – Run that game all you want ladies; we know that you love the shiny things and trips to spots your salary would never take you alone. Sure the douchebag who flashes his Ferrari keys and has absolutely no style pales in comparison to the cool cat with a pair of nice shoes and a secure job, but we don’t see it like that. Men assume that broke equals lonely and the stories women broadcast on the dating convo about their broke ex just reaffirms the assertion.

The flip side with the expensive steakhouse date is that we expect a reward at the end of the night… it’s a sad state of affairs but where there’s smoke… I would say 95% of men believe that money is needed to get somewhere with a woman, we know your mom taught you to get it so we naturally act like we have it.

If you haven’t make sure you check out the last two episodes of the “Straight Outta Lo Cash” Radio Show. This week we had hip hop legend and St. Lunatic Murphy Lee on the show “Who Say Saint Louis Aint Hip Hop?” You can also subscribe to the show on I-Tunes or listen on your Android, I-Phone, I-Pad or Black berry of Stitcher Radio.

I’ve vehemently expressed my problems with some of Tyler Perry’s films/works. I eventually had to call a truce – I vowed not to speak badly about Perry in my writing. I realized “It Aint All Tyler Perry’s Fault”. And just as I called a truce with him and let him do his thang, along comes… “The Help”. I haven’t been overtly against  “The Help” on this blog – I simply brought to light alternative stories of black women that also need to be told (Reversing a Culture of Ignorance: Women that Were More Than “The Help”). I’m bringing all of this up because I want there to be full disclosure of where I stand when it comes to cinema -  particularly black cinema.

There’s been a lot of discussion about the movie “Red Tails” (coming to theaters Friday, Jan. 20). People have been showing their support, detailing why this is a must-see film for the black community and how we have to go out and support it because of the movies black writers and black director. How we as a community have to show movie studios how important the “black dollar” really is. Even George Lucas spoke on it during an interview on Jon Stewart’s show and openly communicated what creative black minds have known for a long time…Hollywood only wants to fund “certain” black films. I read a great article (on one of my favorite film blogs, Shadow and Act) titled “But Does Anyone Really Want to See Red Tails?” that got me thinking… why wouldn’t people want to see Red Tails?

I originally wrote this piece to try and push people to see the movie because, well,  of all the reasons I stated before. Then I started thinking…why do we rush out to see movies like “The Help” or “Precious” but have to be prodded and handed the guilt card to go out and support a film about “our story”?? I’ll be the first to say that “The Help” and “Precious” are definitely stories about the African-American experience, but they aren’t the ONLY ONES and they aren’t even a microcosm of the black experience. Why wouldn’t people  get into Red Tails too? I mean, it has all the essential elements for a good film: war, action, drama, CGI, romance, and dammit, George Lucas! All of those elements are basically a winning combination for a great film, right?

Is it really that, subconsciously, America as a whole (even Black America), can’t handle black Americans in top roles? Why do we need to have huge campaigns to go out and support this film? “The Help”, any Tyler Perry film (no shade to Tyler, we’re still in a truce), and “Precious” didn’t need to have emailing campaigns, blog campaigns, ect. for people to come out and support it. Look at the majority of films where black actors get critical acclaim. Seriously think about what roles they played! As movie goers, we have to take a look at our current perceptions…

I was in IHOP eating lunch the other day, reading ear hustling on a conversation going on at the table behind me. There were two 30s/40 year-old white women discussing “The Help,” saying how that movie has to be so inspiring for black women. Is that how we feel? Is it really “inspiring” seeing black women as maids? Does it give us pride, considering who they were and where they came from? I’m not diminishing that aspect of black culture/history. That is ONE part of our history.  Yes, the maids in the movie did overcome the perception that they were just “The Help”… but do we only believe (or want to see) African-Americans overcome  positions of servitude, being down-trodden, or destitute???? “The Help” isn’t the only image that depicts this, but why is it a continuous image we’ve supported in Hollywood since the 1930s?

A few months ago I had the opportunity to see a very special sneak preview of “Red Tails.” It’s a pretty good movie. It had a few historic inaccuracies concerning a some of the prominent characters, but that wasn’t the point of the film. Is seeing black pilots fighting in World War II a problem?  People came out in droves to see “Pearl Harbor” a few years back and that movie can’t hold a candle to this.

The point of my post is to say this – I want us ALL to question why we only support one type of black themed film or black actor and dismiss others. If we really look deeper we’ll see that we NEED to support more diverse portrayals of our culture on-screen… not just for the upliftment of the black consciousness, but for our interpretation of humanity.

I want you to go see Red Tails this weekend. But if you don’t,  ask yourself -  why wouldn’t you?

Today chronicles the day where many websites and web developers have decided to boycott SOPA( The Stop Online Piracy Act).  Sites from WordPress, Wikipedia, Facebook, LinkdIn and Google have decided to show solidarity by “blacking out” all over the web. Many people have been confused of how the act can effect the way the internet is used in the future. Black people across the web have been discussing what does this mean for them. This weeks guest blog is from Amaris (@amaris_acosta) of the blog Black, Latina and Fabulous! and she wants to explain how SOPA can effect the black community especially the black creative minds.

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Before I begin this post, I would like to point out two very important truths.One, if SOPA was in effect today this blog post, and quite likely this blog itself, would not exist.Two, legislators often take advantage of the fact that it is much easier to get a bill passed if they hide the real details in endless amounts of hyperbole. Eyes glaze, bill passed. As important as the future of SOPA is, it cannot be allowed to be overlooked because it took too long to explain. So, let’s get started.

It is very likely that the black screen on your last Wikipedia search was the first time you heard of SOPA. In short, The Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA), along with its sister PIPA (Protect Intellectual Property Act), are bills that expand the ability of U.S. law enforcement and copyright holders to fight online trafficking in copyrighted intellectual property and counterfeit goods. ¹Mashable has an excellent breakdown of what SOPA means to you as a consumer and as an entrepreneur, but I want to zero in on two sentences that matter to you as an African American;
I can only assume that the authors and backers wanted nothing more than to fundamentally change the rules of the web: To shut down the open post fields, kill reposting (goodbye, Tumblr), end shared videos (sorry, YouTube), [and] expand the definition of what it means to infringe (sorry, Twitter, no sharing links that aren’t yours).

“When you turn copyright infringement into a felony and say that anyone can accuse a website of providing ”infringing” tools (and apply severe penalties whether you do something about it), you are essentially making it impossible for anyone to do anything online without fear of retribution.”

From Madam CJ Walker to Tyler Perry, African-Americans have an entrepreneurial history of making a way where there is none. SOPA, while well-meaning in its attempt to limit the “bootlegging” of music, media and intellectual property, will also effectively bottleneck, and inadvertently choke the frontier of modern entrepreneurship. Think about it. Video sharing is what allowed a homeless man to go from “nobody” to “Ted Williams, the Man with the Golden Voice”. While the inability to download the latest movie may hinder your Friday night, the inability to share YouTube videos will kill the career of the next Soulja Boy, Justin Bieber or Greyson Chance.

But it doesn’t stop there.

Imagine the Obama campaign without “Obama Girl”. As a matter of fact, imagine the Obama campaign without the strong-arm of social media that carried it.

Imagine an America where the only way you can distribute content without fear of legal action is through a major corporate channel or media company. Now imagine what that would do to the future of Black Entertainment.

In perhaps what is the most effective way to get across positive images of African-Americans without the burden of corporate funding, more and more people are using the internet to distribute their content. From “Awkward Black Girl” or the Idris Elba-produced “Milk & Honey” series to self-publishing e-stores like 21 Black Street, the internet has opened up a world of opportunity for Black filmmakers, authors and performers to ‘get the word out’, and more importantly, get their content ‘sold’. Without the ability to share content, or send the link to your favorite e-book, or tweet a video of your favorite indie-band-regardless of whether the content violates anti-piracy laws- e-commerce would basically turn into a bunch of trees falling in a forest you couldn’t find.

Is that the purpose of SOPA? Absolutely not. But, by turning over the managing and sharing of content to media companies (that can withstand legal action) and taking it from the hands of people, is that what will happen? In the name of profit, quite possibly.  So what can you do? Wikipedia’s home page has a link to contact your local Representatives for the next 24 hours, or you can click here after Thursday. There’s even a handy script if you are unsure what to write. But what you absolutely cannot do is let another day go by. Our voice depends on it.  

If you haven’t make sure you  check out the last two episodes of the “Straight Outta Lo Cash” Radio Show. This week we had hip hop legend and St. Lunatic Murphy Lee on the show “Who Say Saint Louis Aint Hip Hop?” You can also subscribe to the show on I-Tunes or listen on your Android, I-Phone, I-Pad or Black berry of Stitcher Radio.

New Edition, SWV, Destiny Child, Shai, Atlantic Starr, Dru Hill, H-Town, Troop, Guy, Boyz II Men, Portrait, 112, Jodeci, Jagged Edge, Blackstreet, and Xscape. What do all of these groups have in common? These groups impacted the musical scene from the 80s throughout the 90s. The other interesting thing about these groups is that the majority of them aren’t together anymore or are together in a limited capacity. The idea of R&B groups breaking up is nothing new–everyone from The Temptations to The Commodores to The Supremes all went through their break-ups. The difference is nowadays no one seems to work together in a group to get the music poppin’. I have come to the conclusion that capitalism killed the R&B group concept forever. And I mean forever-ever like Andre 300 said.

The R&B/soul group has always been the staple of the musical community. Soul groups fans have always be enamored with the dancing, showmanship, and precision from groups. Steve Harvey told a joke in The Kings of Comedy about how the R&B group would all share one mic. As silly as the joke is the idea of the group idea of all sharing one mic, one amount of money, one amount of fame, one amount of groupies, and one amount of mic time has become more and more of priority in this world. It seems the more individualistic we of a society we become the less and less we see the concept of an R&B group. They even have a direct correlation to each other.

Just how as a black community buying so much into capitalism did a lot of detriment to the black community the same can be the same of the R&B group concept. The R&B group of the past was just like our communities, a collective of people working together for one common good –“the group”. Time would go on and groups would break up and make up just like people would leave the communities but the concept of “the group” always stayed intact.

R&B groups from The Temptations to The Miracles have all broken up or went through group turmoil but the music industry never abandoned “the group” concept. It is understandable to see how financially the group concept isn’t as lucrative for a record label. Between slumping album sales and audience attention span shorter than ever money isn’t coming in like it used to. Labels and artists have decided that instead of working within a group that it is better to go for dolo. Those notions are all understandable but we can’t deny the idea of a person wanting ALL the attention, ALL of the money, and ALL of the groupies has a lot to do with the reason we don’t see R&B groups anymore.

As this world becomes more and more individualistic and all about the dollar bill, the less we will see the R&B group that we all grew to love. No more Jade, The Deele, Loose Ends, Hi-Five, Total, Changing Faces, Immature. But, we shouldn’t be surprised because we live in a “me” society that is all about the dolla dolla bill…ya’ll!

I bring you another edition of Open Friday where people send me emails on different problems or topics and I let you all discuss the idea in the comments section. I usually respond directly to the person and I ask the writer if it is alright if I publish it. This one is a dozy too

Dear D,

Wanted to write you and see you and your audience’s thoughts. I am engaged to a great man who is finishing up graduate school. He is smart intelligent, caring, and loving. About three months ago he proposed to me and I said yes. This is where the problem comes in. The Sex is bad Dig and I mean REAL REAL bad. I have gave him all kinds of instructions, videos, and even tried to spice things up in different ways.

Well, a little before we were engaged I started to have an affair with a man who is a part of my business association. The chemistry between me and him is nothing but a sexual situation because he has a woman himself. It doesn’t happen often but it was great situation for me considering my current relationship.

I recently broke of the affair because I have wanted to concentrate on my soon to be marriage. But, I have been thinking the last few weeks if I would want to spend my life with someone with the sex being bad and the chemistry being low. I read your post you wrote on sex and marriage and before thought you were crazy but the more and more II think about it can I marry someone who I have NO sexual chemistry with? Its like my feelings for him seem to have changed. I wonder did I put too much into his deal instead of those intangible things. My question is am I wrong for breaking off my engagement because of bad sex and passion. I know that relationships go up and down. Like I said he is a great guy besides that. He just doesn’t listen and attempt to please.

Thanks For your Help

T.T.

What do you think? Is She selfish in her relationship practices? Is she wrong for breaking off the engagement?

Have any questions or topics for Open Friday hit me at fromashy2classy@gmail.com

This upcoming weekend marks the 26^th holiday celebration of the Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. We take out time to celebrate the legacy of man who spent his life helping America see what this country said it was built on: life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. When we look at the life of Dr. King we sometimes neglect to recognize his humanism. We start to see look at Dr. King as this person who just walked around as a Civil Rights activist 24/7. We don’t give our mind the opportunity to see that Dr. King was like many of us but he made decisions in his life to change the world around him.This weeks guest post comes from my big bro The Negro Intellectual himself soon to be Dr. Vernon Mitchell (@Negrointellect) and his blog The Negro Intellectual. He previous guest posted here with the great piece on the A Tribe Called Quest documentary with “Beats, Rhymes, and Life: Not a Documentary, But An Irresponsible Disservice”. This time around he is going to dissect the idea that Martin Luther King just be honored because he was just like all us…a human.

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Over the past few days we have been bombarded with images and videos of Dr. King, from his “Normalcy, Never Again” (“I Have a Dream”) speech, to his final public address, “I’ve Been to the Mountaintop.” However, I was surprised to see an image of King making its rounds on the internet (via Twitter) that I had not seen in a long time. The photograph is of King preparing to take a behind the back shot at the eleven ball during a game of pool. From the photo, it looks like he knew what he was doing—this definitely was not the first time Dr. King had held a pool cue in his hands. In reading the comments of those who tweeted and re-tweeted (RT) the photo, many had never seen this particular image of the famous civil rights leader. As I started to follow discussions about the picture, most people really just hinged on how cool it was to see a picture like that of King in that setting, or some mentioned things about the artistry of the photograph. I looked at it, remembering the last time I saw the picture and I began to think about it differently.

As a historian, I am trained to always think about context when it comes to the writing and indeed the telling of history. In that regard, context is what helps us to understand any historical moment or key figure. Nothing in this world occurs in a vacuum, so it is important to understand the story behind any event, a person’s life, or as in this case, a snapshot of that life.

The background or context of the photograph is best discussed in two parts. One, how did the picture come to be and two, how did King seem so comfortable around a billiard hall in the first place? We are talking about one of the most recognizable faces in the history of the twentieth-century, are we not? After we have context, it’s important to ask the question, “Why is this relevant?” What does a picture of the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. playing pool tell us in 2011, especially on the commemoration of the 25th anniversary of the King holiday?

The photograph in question was likely captured while King was in Chicago in 1966. King was in the middle of a game with fellow civil rights activist and Chicago native, Al Raby. King and Raby were in the midst of an anti-slum crusade on Chicago’s Southside.

During my research for this article, I also found another picture of Dr. King playing pool. This one was of him in a community center in Philadelphia, Mississippi. The year was 1964, the Freedom Summer campaign was in full swing and at the time, there were three civil rights workers missing. King had come down to Mississippi to see what was happening with his own eyes. Unfortunately, the missing workers, Michael Schwerner, James Chaney, and Andrew Goodman were later found murdered. These were not the only two times that King had played pool or visited a bar. He learned to play the game while an incoming student at Crozer Seminary in Chester, Pennsylvania. There, in the basement of the chapel was a recreation room that consisted of three pool tables and a shuffleboard court. By the time he left Crozer and matriculated at Boston University to pursue his doctoral studies, King was a pretty good pool player. This explains why he looked so comfortable around a billiard table in the photos.

We now know the context behind a pair of photographs of King. These pictures are not the typical shots of him in a pulpit, or leading a protest march, or some photograph of him in deep thought, like you see on any number of posters, paintings, and book covers. So what can we learn from these pictures? Why should we care, outside of them looking ‘cool’? They are important because they give us a tacit example of King’s humanity. Too often we exalt him into a place in our collective consciousness or popular memory that makes him inaccessible in some way. We often deify him as a martyr. What should be emphasized is that at the end of the day, Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., was simply a man. His ability to play pool should only remind us of our shared experiences as part of our larger kinship ties—the brotherhood of humanity. When we make King a martyr we also conveniently make him so “great” that he doesn’t even seem human. Dr. King had self-doubt; he had joy and pain in his life, just as we all have had. Placing King on a pedestal makes it easier for us not to be accountable to each other and to society as a whole. We begin to say to ourselves, “I can’t do what he did. I’m just a regular person—I’m can’t be Dr. King.”

When you see the picture of King playing pool do not view the image just as a historical moment, but see yourself in the photo. See Dr. King as not just a leader, but as a man. King showing up in the pool halls, bars, and community centers was not just an attempt by him to see the people or connect with them; he was one of them—and by extension one of us.

Chime in! What do you think about MLK being just like us??

 If you haven’t make sure you  check out the last two episodes of the “Straight Outta Lo Cash” Radio Show “Giving Away the Nookie for Free” and “What YOu Gonna Do in 2012. It is The End of The Year, right?” . You can also subscribe to the show on I-Tunes or listen on your Android, I-Phone, I-Pad or Black berry of Stitcher Radio.

If you haven’t make sure you  check out the last two episodes of the “Straight Outta Lo Cash” Radio Show “Giving Away the Nookie for Free” and “What YOu Gonna Do in 2012. It is The End of The Year, right?” . You can also subscribe to the show on I-Tunes or listen on your Android, I-Phone, I-Pad or Black berry of Stitcher Radio.

The world we live in is filled with stereotypes, prejudice, and societal rules. The game is what it is, right? But, there’s one thing I don’t think we take into account – love and romance strictly being a woman’s “thing”. We’ve conditioned ourselves to believe that men can’t appreciate/desire being in love. Now, I’m not writing this post next to Drake in Marvin’s Room. But movies and TV set aside, the world does present a front that men don’t like romance and love.  Society definitely teaches women that they are the emotional ones and for men to taper their emotions. But, I’m here to say that woman do not OWN love.

Ladies, why do you think men get to stalking and blowing up your phone when the relationship is over? Yeah, it could be you have some great noncie, or his pride is hurt, but maybe the dude was really in love and just can’t handle the emotional instability of you being gone?

First off (full disclosure) – I understand that some men aren’t “s**t” and yes, many times our pride and ego mask our love and the ability to provide romance. The misnomer of women owning love comes from a lot of short sighted thinking, by both sexes. Men are taught to hide any form of weakness. Then we’re taught to hide strong emotions (because the by-product is usually deemed as weak or not manly).  That’s just the nature of the beast. Society teaches that the woman is the only one hurt by love or the only one who can be fully engulfed in love. Its like women have this PR team that promote consistently that women are the only one’s vulnerable in positions of the heart.  Just because someone is talking loud doesn’t mean their words are truth. This isn’t any different when it comes to love.

We’ve discussed the Four Love Languages in a previous post. I think it comes down to truly understanding your partners Love Language. We always rant and rave men don’t communicate and express their emotions to women and that women don’t listen to a man when he is showing his love. Bottom line – men don’t talk and women don’t listen. Most of the time it comes down to how we communicate our love. A man is hardwired to display his love by his actions – not necessarily his words. Men, I think, have some of the most vulnerable moments in relationships. When a man commits to a woman he’s put himself on the line – and is asking the woman for commitment. To  take it deeper, think about the process of engagement. A man has to get on one knee, show his vulnerability and love for the woman, and ask her to marry him. A man has to go against what he’s been taught his whole life, letting down that barricade that protects himself emotionally.

Many woman I’ve interacted feel they have the real ownership of love just because they are more emotional and give more of their heart. When a woman gets her heart broken (or missteps) in the game of love there is always this support group of women AND men who will have her back and help her pick up the pieces.  What does a man get from his friends when he loses in love?…a drink at a local watering hole and a word of advice like “You know you need to f*** Tracy now right?” As comical as it seems, I’m speaking the truth. Sometimes that’s all we need to cope as we slink back into our “man cave” to hibernate, reflect or…. “f*** Tracy”.

At the end of the day no one owns love – it’s just an emotion that we all display in different ways and forms. Men, don’t be ashamed to show your lady the love you have for her. There’s no such thing is a gangsta when it comes to love (except for Tupac Shakur) so it’s cool to leave that at the door with your lady. Ladies, don’t get caught up in the hype – you are not the only ones who are vulnerable. As much as most men don’t want to admit it, their love is written all over their face. You just have to take the time to see it and find it in him.

Then there’s the issue of men not displaying their emotions and ideas properly (communication). Besides playing a Drake song, or for my old-skool playas, a Jodeci track, a man has to be more vocal with his love.

“I feel like men are more romantic than women. When we get married we marry, like, one girl, ’cause we’re resistant the whole way until we meet one girl and we think I’d be an idiot if I didn’t marry this girl she’s so great. But it seems like girls get to a place where they just kinda pick the best option; ‘Oh he’s got a good job.’ I mean they spend their whole life looking for Prince Charming and then they marry the guy who’s got a good job and is gonna stick around.”

-Blue Valentine (2010)